Chrysalis 2: Jack of Diamonds

Summary: Jack goes through crucibles of belief and behavior and comes out the other side.

Note 1: 1^st Quote is from “The Sex is Good” by Saving Abel.  “Not much for talk” is interpreted as the kind of talk he would prefer from Daniel.  2^nd Quote is from Green Day’s “Coming Clean”.

Note 2: The Latin chapter titles are a nod to the time when Jack spoke Ancient on two occasions and only Daniel was the one who understood him.

Note 3: Bean Sidhe is the proper spelling for banshee.

Note 4: Changed title from Clubs to Diamonds because of Jack’s hardened shell.

 

---

You got to know, know my weakness

You always touch in all the right places

We don’t get along that well

Not much for talk, but you’re hot as hell

---

Secrets collecting dust but never forget,

Skeletons come to life in my closet.

I found out what it takes to be a man.

---

 

Chapter One: Effugium

flight, avoidance, fleeing

 

Jack shook his head slowly.  His upper lip and forehead glistened with sweat.  There was an incoherent mumble that might have been, “No.”

The was a loud sound, a sort of continuous, whumping, whirring noise accompanied by pops and crackling.  A fire.  At first, Jack couldn’t see, but eventually his surroundings revealed that the fire was burning in the middle of his back yard.  It was about six feet wide and several feet high.  He stood on the deck, staring at it, and sipped from a bottle of Guinness.  Something in the middle wavered, like heat off a blacktop.  He walked slowly to the end of the deck and stepped onto the grass.

As he drew closer, the shimmering resolved into large stack of wood, and within it, a wooden post.  Or rather, a stake.  It was an Auto de Fé, and tied to the stake was Daniel.  He wasn’t on fire, but an odd white smoke, nearly opaque, billowed at his feet like a cloud in a cartoon.

Suddenly sparks from the wood snapped at him and he drew back.  It seemed to shock him out of his lethargy and he ran the perimeter in a panic, trying to find a way to cross without getting burned.  But his running was slow, like half a jog.  It was almost as if he was trying to get a better view.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel called out, yelling across the noise of the fire.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked, stopping at the man’s left.

“I don’t know,” Daniel shouted back.  “You’re the one who put me here!”

“I did not!” Jack said, scowling.

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then how am I here?”

“I don’t know!”

“What, you think I put myself here?”

Jack’s annoyance grew and as usual, he snapped out a sarcastic answer.  “I don’t know! Maybe you did!”

“You see!  That’s exactly what I’ve been saying, Jack!”

Jack blinked.  “What?” he said, confused.  It wasn’t a question.

“You don’t like something I say, so you deflect with sarcasm!”

“I don’t like most of what you—” he began, but Daniel screamed, and as if the act of screaming was the catalyst, fire leapt to his lower legs.

“Right there!  You’re killing me!”

“What are you talking about?” Jack screamed back.

“Sarcasm!  Deflection!  And why are you standing there?”  The fire was up to his waist.  “Why?”

“I don’t want to get burned!” Jack screamed back.

“So it’s okay for me to burn to death instead?”

Daniel was suddenly suffused in the flames and his question echoed around the backyard.  Jack was abruptly reminded of his grandmother’s folk stories about bean sidhes and he whirled to his right.  When he turned back to the left, the fire and stake apparatus was gone, and Daniel stood there, covered in soot and ash, his skin pocked with small burns.  The burns weren’t from a fire, but resembled the ones caused by radiation sickness.

“Do I have to ascend again in order to get you to love me?  For you, that’s safe, isn’t it?”  And he suddenly melted into his clothes, metamorphosing into the white trails of ascension…

 

Jack lurched up on an elbow, covered in clammy, cold sweat.  “Go away,” he panted, and waited for his heart to slow before he grumpily whipped the covers back to go take a leak.  Afterward, he stood in the bathroom doorway and looked to his right, considering the kitchen and the liquor bar next to it.  Should he?  Shouldn’t he?

“Screw it,” he said, and went to get himself a few fingers of scotch.  Returning to bed, he propped up his pillows and turned on the flat screen that hung on the wall across from the bed.  ESPN appeared, and in the dark, the screen was too bright.  He put up with it, squinting against the irritation.  Anchors were talking about something, but Jack wasn’t paying attention.  Daniel’s question repeated itself in his head.

“Do I have to ascend again in order to get you to love me?”

The look on Daniel’s face had spelled anguish and desperation and when he’d ascended, Jack had the feeling that he’d done it against his will.  He frowned, his eyes dropping to stare at colors at the bottom of the screen, but he didn’t see those either.  He started to question, to examine the dream, and suddenly an anger rose inside him and he growled in disgust and shut off the TV, downed the drink, and dropped back to sleep.  Thankfully, doing such a thing was easy.  It was staying asleep that was the problem.  In his dreams to come that night, figures asked him why he thought staying asleep was his only problem.

 

Jack decided it was a black t-shirt, olive drab trouser sort of day.  He posted the sign at the desk sergeant’s post on Level 11, letting everyone on base know the moment they came in for work.  As he went through the duty rosters and the sign-in sheets for visitors …

Did everyone forget he was also the unofficial Second-in-Command? The desk sergeant apparently did. Newbie.

… the back of his mind was working on other problems.  First and foremost was Hammond’s decision to reassign Daniel to SG-6.  That was not like him.  When things were kosher, so to speak, Hammond always gave them reasons for a decision.  When things were not kosher, there was something else at play.  In Jack’s opinion, this was Daniel’s doing.  He’d made the request, and it was just like Hammond to take responsibility for it in order to keep his command—and personnel—running smoothly.  Plus, Jack remembered a scene several months back when he’d found Daniel in Hammond’s office and the General telling him he needed time to consider his request.

The anger began to rise, and it was a familiar reaction.  Daniel did something, he got mad.  A voice from a dream said, Daniel doesn’t have to do anything for you to get mad at him.  This is your fault.  The anger increased, but this time, it was directed at his subconscious.

After a few seconds, he killed it.  He was a well-trained, well-oiled machine, goddammit.  With experienced ease, he pushed the troubles aside and went about studying the specs for the next order of business:  trying to find a way to beat that Goa’uld sonofabitch, Anubis.  And find whatever in the hell that goddamn Lost City shit was.  He had serious doubts about it.

Because it was Daniel who said it.  Why are you on an active hate campaign?

With intense frustration, Jack paused in the act of pouring his coffee and looked around the mess hall, as if someone else had spoken that thought out loud.  Or if someone had possibly heard it.  What the goddamn hell?  There came another whispering sentence then.

“Everyone look away.  I want no witnesses.”

The words he’d said when Daniel had come back with them from that Ancients’ planet and had joined their briefing about the tablet from Abydos.  He’d wanted to reach across the table and smack him.  Daniel had only been sarcastic.  Why hit him?

Jack shook it off and grabbed a paper while he chose a table along the far wall and sat down with his breakfast.  A glance at the digital military clock on the wall read 0634.  Only five other people were there this early.  Siler was one of them, and he was having breakfast with Walter.  Davis.  He used the Sergeant’s first name to distinguish him from the Lieutenant Colonel at the Pentagon that was still their floating liaison.  As he moved his scrambled eggs onto the piece of toast, he mused that it had been a while since they’d seen the man.  Had he been reassigned?

The verb returned him to thoughts of Daniel.  Okay, fine.  Let’s figure out why he’d asked for reassignment.  After a few minutes, Jack had no answer and shoved it aside again.  He scoured the newspaper and after reading two pages, he realized that a single word kept grabbing his attention.

Fire.

The nightmare returned in its annoying detail.  Why the hell was he remembering this particular one?  He’d had plenty of them, in varying themes, for the last year.  Even before Daniel returned.  It was a bunch of nonsense in his subconscious.  He had to find a way to stop having them.  Sleeping pills, maybe.  An image from the nightmare last night entered his mind and he shivered.

His appetite took a powder and he sighed.  He still needed the food so he forced himself to eat, then dumped the tray in the mess receptacle and left with his coffee.  Exchanging sleepy hellos to people as he passed (their sleepiness, not his, he told himself firmly), he headed for Teal’c’s quarters.  Unfortunately, he was annoyed to find out from the SF on duty nearby that his big Jaffa friend had spent the night at Daniel’s.  For an odd, irrational moment, Jack felt betrayed.  Teal’c was his best friend, wasn’t he?  So what the hell …  The rational side of his mind reminded him that he wasn’t Teal’c’s minder.  He could go wherever he wanted, visit whomever he wanted.  But the irrational side said he still didn’t like it.

Grinding his teeth, he made a b-line to Hammond’s office and in the elevator, grew annoyed at the constant stopping.  They needed more of them.  By the time he got to the Briefing Room, having filled his mind with that subject, he had a plan all worked up.  It took over any other thoughts he was supposed to have for that morning.

Jack knocked on the General’s door, and absently made a note that his body was fraught with tension.  Maybe he needed to go to the base gym.  Run it out of his system.

“Come,” came Hammond’s voice.

He opened the door and poked his head in.  “Busy, sir?”

“Not yet, Jack,” Hammond said informally.  “C’mon in.”

Jack shut the door behind him and took his customary seat in the cushy, comfortable chair in front of Hammond’s desk.  “I was wondering.  When’s our next budget meeting?”

Hammond blinked in surprise.  “We just had one.   Don’t you remember?”

Jack frowned, thinking, then cringed.  Yeah, they had.  He sighed and waved a hand.  “Right.  I was just thinking that we could do with a few more elevators.”

Hammond grinned.  “I agree.  But we’re not going to get the money for renovations until we can bring home the items worthy of paying for it.”

Jack made a face.  “Can’t they just do something altruistic for once?”  They being the Pentagon.  “I mean, they waste money on completely stupid sh—stuff, all the time.”

Hammond snorted softly.  “You don’t have to tell me.”  He stared at him.  “What’s really on your mind, Colonel?”

God, the man was sharp.  “That was on my mind, sir,” Jack said, unknowingly fidgeting in his seat.

Another stare, and this one was focused.  “Jack, you don’t really care about things like that.  I know you.  Say what’s really on your mind.”

“Like what?” Jack asked, ignoring all inner voices.  He’d learned a long time ago how to ignore uncomfortable thoughts.  Only the recent nightmares brought them back up to harass him.  Damn, he really did need to go to the gym.

“You tell me.”  When Jack didn’t answer, Hammond gave him a worried look and leaned forward.  “Jack,” he said softly.  “What’s going on?”

Jack opened his mouth to respond but his brain froze the speech center and he couldn’t figure out how to say whatever it was …

“Jack.”

“Why!” Jack blurted, and in a shout, surprising both him and Hammond.  He’d heard Daniel’s voice, not the General’s.  He frowned, searching his mind and finding no rational reason for the replacement voice.  He shook his head.

“Why did I transfer Doctor Jackson?” Hammond asked, guessing correctly.  Well, partially.

Jack eyed him, though not confrontationally.  The General wasn’t that much older, but he thought of him as a father figure and held him in high regard.

Respectfully, Jack said, “We both know that Daniel was the one who asked for the transfer.  Why did you give it to him?”  He didn’t examine why he’d asked it that way instead of, “Why did Daniel want a transfer?”

Hammond met his gaze with an intensity that was unnerving.  The leader of the SGC had the look of someone who knew things that would either embarrass him or shame him.  Jack had seen that look before on his own father and from Hammond, it was just wrong.  Yes, Hammond was a father figure, but that only went so far.  It was as if Jack had been forced back in time to a moment when his fifteen-year-old self had been caught jerking off in the bathroom.

“What?” Jack asked warily, shifting uncomfortably.

Hammond sighed and pushed back in his plush leather chair.  “Sometimes you amaze me, Colonel.”

Formality.  Shit.

“Thank you, sir,” Jack said, attempting a light, comedic tone, but Hammond’s expression put a stop to it.  “Sorry.”

“I have been thinking about this for a while, now, Jack.”  He pulled the right-hand drawer open and took out a thick folder jacket.  Jack’s 201.

Shit and double shit.

He opened it and pulled out a sheet of paper.  Crisp and new.  He set it over his name plate for Jack to take.  He did, but he didn’t examine it.  He could tell by the lines and format that it was a personnel order.

Triple fucking shit.

“I’m ordering you to see a psychologist.”

Jack’s anger sprang out of him and he stormed to his feet.  “If you think I’m letting McKenzie anywhere near my head—” he protested loudly.

“Stop right there, Colonel!” Hammond said, standing, his expression deadly serious.  A credible warning.

Jack forced an immediate calm in his demeanor.  “General, I’m—”

“McKenzie is gone,” Hammond said.

Jack was intensely relieved, but the wariness returned.  “Okay.  So who am I seeing?” he asked.  The sarcasm edged the question.  He’d been unable to keep it out.

“Doctor Helen Carmichael.  She’s a psychoanalyst.  And very good at her job.”

Jack cleared his throat.  “And why am I seeing her, sir?”

In a much softer tone, tinged with worry, Hammond said, “You have anger issues, Jack.  I am ordering you to address them.”

Jack blinked.  “I don’t …” he began, immediately arguing, but when Hammond’s brows rose in warning, he frowned and changed direction.   “Is this Daniel’s faul—”

“Enough, Colonel O’Neill.  It’s no ones fault but your own, and the downright shame of it is that you aren’t even aware of it.  You need to address this, and you’ll do it three times a week.”

“What?  But, sir—”

“SG-1 is on stand-down until further notice.”

“But the Goa’uld—” Jack began.

“Jacob says there’s a lull in the conflicts and Major Carter is due for an extended leave.  She’s getting it.  So, I might add, are you, with a condition.  During that time, you will report to Doctor Carmichael, starting tomorrow.  She’s expecting you.”  When the look on Jack’s face became mutinous, Hammond added, “That is an order.”

Jack realized he wasn’t going to win this one.  The thought birthed more anger and he had to rein it in or earn a reprimand.  “For how long, sir?”

“For as long as it takes.”

 

 

Chapter Two: Psychoanalystae

Psychoanalyst

 

Jack stared at Teal’c in shock.  He was in the middle of a bench press, this time on the machine version, and he dropped the handles and sat up.  “Say that again?”

“You do indeed have anger issues, O’Neill.”

“This from the guy who risked my life going after Tanith,” he snapped.  Teal’c just stared at him.  The defensive anger roiling in his gut told Jack that Teal’c was telling the truth.  He had never reacted to such news before, but now he was taking it out on Teal’c.  “Okay, maybe you have a point,” he grudgingly admitted.

“The fact that you are refusing to see the truth from your friends tells me that Hammond is indeed correct in sending you to talk with someone.”

“What friends?  I see only one,” Jack groused.  “And I am talking with someone.”  The anger roiled up again.

“A professional.”

Jack threw Teal’c a dirty look and stormed out of the gym, refusing to look behind him and give the man a look of apology.  Goddamn, Teal’c.  He didn’t have any fucking right to…

Jack slowed down in the corridor and ducked into the bathroom.  When the door shut behind him, he leaned against it and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths.  Teal’c was right.  So was Hammond.  Fucking hell.  He needed a third opinion.

His next destination was the infirmary and he found Carter dressed and gathering a small duffle.  He walked over to grab it from her, but she put up a hand to forestall his action.  “I’m fine, sir.  I can manage to carry a duffle.”

“Right,” Jack said.  “Leaving already?”

“She’s well enough to go on leave, Colonel,” said Fraiser as she came in and set a clipboard down on the rolling cart.  She handed Carter two small pieces of paper.  Prescription scripts.  “Follow these precisely.”

Carter smiled at her.  “I will.  Thanks, Janet.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow.  Want me to bring Cassie?”

“Is she home from college?”

“Yeah, and driving me nuts.”

Carter smiled.  “Need backup, huh?”  Fraiser only smiled.  Carter hefted the bag over her shoulder and walked past Jack.  “See you later, sir.”

Jack glanced at Fraiser, then hurriedly followed Carter.  “I’ll walk you out.”  He was silent all the way to the elevator and he got in with her.

“Sir?” she asked.  “You walking me all the way out?”

He raised his brows.  “Something wrong with that?  Can’t your team leader see to it that you make it to your car?”

“Uh, sure, but I don’t need an escort.  I’m fine.”

“I know.  I’m just …”  He searched for an excuse and couldn’t find one.  “I need to ask you a question.”

“Okay.”  He was silent all the way to Level 11.  “Sir?” she asked.

As they exited the elevator, he took her to the side, out of earshot from the desk sergeant.  “Listen.  Hammond’s ordered me to talk to someone.”

Carter nodded.  “I heard.”  When his brows rose in irritation, she added, “From Janet.  It’s not all over the base, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“That’s good, or I’d have to start killing people.”  She stared at him.  “A joke, Carter.  Jesus, you do need downtime.”

“Hilarious, sir.  What’s the question?”

“I’m told I have anger issues.  Teal’c seems to agree with Hammond.  So I’m asking for a third opinion.”

She took a slow, deep breath.  “Yeah, you kinda do, sir.”

He refrained from biting her head off and rewarded himself with a figurative pat on the back.  “Okay,” he fidgeted.  He was doing that a lot lately.  “Tell Cassie I said hello.”

“You could come over, too, you know, sir.”  She stammered.  “Uh, you know, if you wanted … to.  Sir.”

“Where’s Pete these days?” he asked.  Pointedly.

“In L.A.  On assignment for something he can’t tell me about.”

Jack made a face.  “Sucks to be on the other end of that, doesn’t it?”

“It does.”  She headed for the other elevator, now that it was open.  “See you soon, sir.”

“Right,” he said, tipping his chin at her.  When she was gone, he looked around, shook his head at the few people looking at him, and rushed to get into the elevator and head down to the locker room.  As the elevator dropped, he realized that he had no intention of visiting anyone.

 

Doctor Helen Carmichael was pretty.  Thirties, rich brown hair, nice brown eyes.  Blouse and trousers under one of those damn white coats.  She held no rank.  She was a civilian, unlike McKenzie.  Jack walked around her office, located off base at the nearby medical building down the hill.  He studied the certificates hanging in frames on the wall.  The rear of her office was a floor-to-ceiling window that revealed a water garden.  Sweet.  Bet it calmed her patients down.  He pursed his lips.  And he was one of her patients.  Annoyance crept into his features.

“Have a seat, Colonel O’Neill,” she said, her hand gesturing at the eggshell sofa.

“Want me to lie down so soon?”

She sat down in an upholstered chair to the right of the sofa.  “Only if you want to.”

Jack nodded and sat down at the opposite corner of the couch.  It was furthest away from her chair.  She didn’t give him any expression, but she wrote something down on the notepad she held.  He frowned.  “Want me to sit over there?” he asked, pointing at the other end of the sofa.

She gave him a reassuring look.  “There are no rules here, Colonel.”

“Jack,” he said, rewarding her demeanor.  He was relaxing already.  He liked her, but he also held a touch of reserve judgment.  Just in case.  He really, really didn’t like shrinks.

“Jack,” she said, nodding once in acknowledgment.  “So, what shall we talk about?”

 

It had taken two weeks to open up a little.  Three more to open up a lot more.  And another three to be able to discuss the way he expressed himself.  Jack told Doctor Carmichael that it was like pulling pubic hairs.  With a molten hot tweezers.  He also discovered the depths to which he would sink in order to avoid talking to people on an intimate level.  Not with the doctor, but with everyone he knew.  The only person he didn’t stonewall was Hammond, but even then, he had to keep him at arm’s length.  Then there was the issue of what was advisable to share.  He trusted Hammond as well as anyone, but there were secrets that needed to be kept.  Total honesty was not a good policy in the military.

And that was also a part of the problem.  Doctor Carmichael made him realize that there was a lot about life in the military that he had both ignored and taken for granted.  The biggest issue?  Regulations that forced its members to lie while at the same time promoting honesty and honor.  It was a hypocritical system that buttressed personal corruption and created deep, personal guilt for those who held high moral standards.  Such a system expressed itself in a spectrum from subtle to horrific.  Jack hadn’t approached the latter in any way, but he was more than half the way there.  And, of course, the refusal to open up to anyone put him at great risk.

“Stoicism isn’t a positive trait,” the doctor had said.

It had surprised Jack because he hadn’t considered himself stoic.  At the end of the eighth week and twenty-fourth visit, he said, “What do you define as stoic?”

“It manifests in many ways, but the basic definition comes from the Greek philosopher Zeno, and it means to endure pain and hardship without displaying feelings and without complaint.  On the one hand, It’s positive when it manifests as great patience and in certain Buddhist sects, this discipline enables them to channel and harness great strength of will.

“The other side of that, the negative traits, twists the patience so that a person will tolerate abuse and injustice, and sometimes to inflict it themselves.  On a personal level, tolerating abuse can turn into a form of resistant masochism.”

“Oh, is that all,” Jack joked.

She smiled slightly and gave him a pass on the sarcasm.  “It also manifests in the denial of positive expression.  For example, not being able to say I love you, because you’ve been taught that it’s a weakness to show love in that way.”

Jack fidgeted with embarrassment.  “So you’ve made me believe.”

“No, I didn’t make you believe.  I showed you that it’s what you were taught.”

“Figure of speech, Doc,” he said, giving her an impatient frown.

“Figures of speech are quite different.  You misspoke.  That’s the difference.”  He sighed, and wasn’t going to argue.  She seemed pleased with his reaction.  A test.  She was always testing him.  In many ways, she was teaching him to restructure his own personality.  To use patience in better, more constructive forms.  And when he messed up, she had to make a point about it.

“You see what you just did?  That is a form of stoicism, when you refrain from attacking someone when they’ve touched a sore spot.”

Jack frowned.  “I thought that was the Buddhist way, not that Greek guy.”

She grinned.  “The two belief systems are similar, although the latter isn’t a religion.  Back to the point.  You have trouble expressing yourself because you were taught that stoicism is best way to live.  But it isn’t.  It causes a lack of communication, and that creates unhealthy relationships.  And then there’s the sexual component.”  He shifted on the sofa, indicating discomfort.  It happened every time she broached the subject.  “Stoicism keeps people from learning.  It breeds misinformation and downright lies, culminating in fear of the unknown and a fear of being different.”

Jack frowned.  “I don’t see that.  Keeping your feelings to yourself isn’t a bad thing.”

“Not if it’s done in moderation, like everything else.  And you jumped over that last bit.”

He eyed her with annoyance.  “Noticed that, huh?” he asked rhetorically.

She gave him a pass on that one too because it was leading him to the heart of the matter.  “It’s now time to talk about your bisexuality.”

Jack blinked.  “We’ve already discussed it.  I have to accept that I like both women and men.  That I don’t have to choose.”

“And have you?  Accepted it?”  Again, more fidgeting, and she knew the answer.  “That’s why we have to talk about it.  What’s holding you back from accepting it?”

He chewed at his lip.  “I’m not sure,” he said, and a slight wince came at the end.  She only looked at him and after eight weeks, it meant that she knew he was lying.  “I’m not homophobic,” he blurted out.

“You were raised that way,” she reminded him.  “Until you’ve rejected it fully, you will harbor an internal fear of yourself.”

“I don’t fear what I am,” he countered.

“Something is going on,” she said, tapping her temple.  “And you think the bisexuality means you’re ‘wrong’.”  She made air quotes.  “You think you have to choose.  It’s known as self-hatred and self-loathing.”

“I know that,” he snapped.

She leaned forward on her chair.  “There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual.”  When he didn’t say anything or look at her, she commanded, “Say it with me.  There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual.”

He didn’t comply.

“Say it with me, Jack.”  She then repeated the phrase slowly, giving him a chance to catch up.  He resisted her request until the last two words.  “Again.”  They both said the phrase.  “You need to repeat that to yourself every day.  To repeat it out loud.  There’s a cognitive acceptance when words are spoken rather than simply thought.”

“Daniel says tha—” he began, then halted, surprised at himself.

“Says what?” she asked, glossing over his slip.  It was a breakthrough.  He’d been avoiding saying his name.  When talking about the past relationships, when it came to discussing Daniel, Jack had used the professional title instead of the personal name.  That in itself was telling, connected to the self-loathing of being bisexual.

“Nothing.”

She got up and moved to sit beside him.  She took his hand, a gesture that forced him to look at her.  “There is nothing wrong with your feelings for him.  What is wrong is the way you have punished him for it.  Don’t you think it’s time to move past that and accept what he means to you?”

He tried to drop the subject.  “Aren’t you supposed to help me deal with the anger?  Not smooth over relationships.”

“They’re all connected.  He makes you angry.  You need to address it.  So here we are.  And again, I ask the question.  Don’t you think it’s time to stop punishing him and accept what he means to you?”

“Yes,” he said, closing his eyes as he gave in.  “But it’s just … hard.  It feels …”

“Weak,” she finished.

He nodded.  “It’s ingrained.  I don’t know how to change that.”

“By forcing yourself to perform certain actions—thinking actions—whenever you balk.  Remember?  Action number one was …?”

“Acknowledge the feeling,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Number two?”

“Repeat the knowledge out loud, when alone or when appropriate.”

“Number three?”

“Let the object of the issue know what’s going on in my head.”

“Okay,” she said, patting his hand and standing up.  “Let’s discuss this in our next session.  And I want you to repeat the mantra and repeat the steps to get past the self-loathing.”

“’There is nothing wrong with being bisexual’,” he repeated.  “And go through the list. Identify the core emotion.”  God.  It was so exhausting.

 

 

Two Months Later …

 

“Doc, I’m not getting anywhere.  So far, all we’ve talked about is shrink stuff for my head.  I still have no idea how to put that to good use in order to change my behavior.”

She smiled.  “The groundwork has been laid.  And I’m not a shrink.”

His brows climbed up his forehead to rest in his hairline.  “Then what are you?”

“A psychoanalyst.”

“That’s a shrink.”

“No.  A shrink is a psychiatrist.”

Jack was confused.  “I thought that word applied to all head doctors.”

“Well, it can.  Psychiatrists and Psychologists.  But I’m a psychoanalyst.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Psychoanalysts are like psychologists in that we usually deal with emotional issues.  We don’t prescribe medication.   However, our approach is different from that of conventional psychologists. Psychoanalysis is a method of searching through a person’s subconscious memories for the source of their current difficulties, rather than focusing on conscious memories.  We also meet much more often with our clients, rather than meeting only once a week, as is common with psychologists.”

Jack stared at her.  “That was a mouthful.”

She grinned.  “Deflection and sarcasm.  Did what I say bother you?”

“No.  It was just …”

“Long-winded.  You like to get to the point without long explanations.”

Jack raised his brows and shot a finger at her.  “Exactly.  Carter and Daniel—” He cut himself off.

“Carter and Daniel … what?”

“Just Carter now.  And Teal’c.”

“But before, when Daniel was part of the team.  Carter and Daniel … what?”

She always did that.  Never letting him get away with side-stepping.  “They would begin to explain something, and it would be lengthy.  Quite often, I had to cut them off to get to the point before my eyes glazed over.”

“And yet, you didn’t do that with me.”

Jack brushed his khakis unnecessarily.  “This is different.  I kinda have to listen to the long-winded stuff.”

“And it gave you a better understanding, yes?”  He shrugged.  “So why not listen to them?  Or is there another reason you cut them off?”

He made a face.  “Usually, it’s because we’re on a time-sensitive briefing or situation and I need the bottom line.  If I want a longer explanation, it’ll wait till we have time.”

She held up a hand and it was a signal he’d come to know as “I have something to tell you that might make you uncomfortable but you need to know.”

“I called General Hammond to ask him about your behavior during certain occasions where your patience was rather thin.  He gave me a few examples.”

Jack found himself interested.  “Like?”

“One was very revealing.  It was when Major Carter was giving a briefing on the Aschen and you cut her off after the ambassador asked her ‘How’.  Do you think you did the right thing?”

Automatically, Jack began to say “Yes,” but he got only to the first letter before he cut himself off.  “Oh.”  He frowned.  “No.”

“It hasn’t been the only time.  You’ll interrupt briefings held in front of many people, without giving a thought to the embarrassment and insult you’ve done to the speaker.  When it’s a time-sensitive matter and you need to remind them to keep it brief, that’s one thing.  But when people need all the details, boring or not, you need to let everyone hear it.  Including yourself.”

He waved at her after she finished.  “We’ve gone over this a dozen times now.”

“I know.  I apologize, but this last one relates to what comes next.”

“How?”

She clasped her hands on her crossed knee.  “Let’s get back to Daniel.”

Jack fidgeted, unnecessarily getting up to reseat himself.  He couldn’t get comfortable and ended up getting up to walk around.  Most of the time, he ended up at the water garden window, hands stuffed in his pockets.  She never stopped him or told him to sit down.  Instead, she’d turn in her chair to watch him.  The same scene played out again, but this time, he was much more agitated.

“I really don’t see the point.”

“And that’s part of the problem.  You avoid discussing him past a certain point.  And you don’t like it when he becomes the center of the conversation.”

He looked over his shoulder, frowning.  “Seriously?”

“You never noticed?”

He frowned and returned his gaze to a specific water lily he liked.  “I guess.  I just …”

He was quiet for a long minute.

“You appreciate getting to the point, so let’s try a version of that,” she said, and she moved to the sofa so she could better watch him.

He turned slightly.  “What version?”

“We’ve figured out many things.  You’ve done a wonderful job opening up and it was hard.  Releasing and getting to all that anger and where it came from.  You’re used to burying your feelings, refusing to share, examine, and confront.  To accept yourself for who you are.”

Jack rolled his eyes.  “Oh, here we go.”

She sighed.  “I gave you a mantra you’ve refused to use.  So, here we are.  Talking about it.”

“Why?” he said, giving a lift and fall of his hand.  “What’s the point in talking about it?  We’ve already established that I just need to accept the …”  He gestured at her.

“Bisexuality.”

“Yeah, that.”

“You have to say the word.”

“Fine.  Bisexuality,” he enunciated, and then grimaced.

She pointed, casually, not directly.  “What’s that?  Why the face?”

“Because … I still think I have to choose.”

“Why?” she prodded.

“Liking both means you’re screwed up.”

She looked at him, her eyes bright.  He was still resisting.  “Says who?”

“Says everyone I’ve ever been around.”  He refused to look at her and his hands turned to fists in his pockets.

She noticed the bulging strain of the fabric, understanding how upset he was.  He held himself so rigidly that any moment, he might break.

“Take a deep breath.”  He held it.  “Take a deep breath.”  He complied.  “Again.”  She repeated the order a few more times and when she watched the tension leave him, she said, “You’re not ‘screwed up’, Jack.”

“You can’t have both.  Everyone says so.”

“Who’s everyone?  I don’t say so.  Nor do others you’ve known.  Not Josh in high school.  Not Mary in college.  Not Michael in flight school.  Not Sara.  Not Daniel.  None of them judged you.  Why do you listen to people whose opinions don’t matter?”

“My dad—” he began, scowling at the window.

“Was a homophobe,” she said.  He turned to her, eyes narrowed.  She met them without guilt.  “You’ve accepted opinions from people whose advice and beliefs are toxic.  They only reinforce the childhood lessons that made you rigid and uncompromising and when you hear something long enough, you refuse to accept that it’s all been a lie.  You don’t like change, even when it’s beneficial.”

She paused, watching the tension return in his shoulders.  “Forgive me.  I should have specified that I was using the collective ‘you’.  Back to the point.  The truth is that you are fine as you are.  There’s nothing wrong with liking both men and women the same.”

She’d said it a hundred times.  But this time, her words seeped into his mind.  He listened.  There was just one problem.  Well, not ‘problem’, but exception.  He ground his jaw as if fighting to say the words in his head.  “It’s … not … the … same.”

She tilted her head.  “What’s not the same?”

“I don’t like them the same.  Equally.  Whatever.”

She nodded, but to herself.  “You don’t have to.  But you say that because?”

He knew she was pushing him to say it because it had to come out.  His self-loathing was taken out on others.  Except Carter.  Because she was a safe bet.  Daniel … wasn’t.  And once again, she seemed to read his mind.  Damn her.

“You love him more than you love Carter or Sara.  That doesn’t mean you’re bad.  Bisexuality is complicated, just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism.  You love who you love, Jack.  There is nothing wrong with it.  You need to forgive yourself or your internal anger will continue to lash out at others.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, his hands almost relaxing.  “It’s … hard.  I don’t know how long it’ll take to do that.”

She held up her hands.  “There’s no time table.  No set date.  As the saying goes, it’ll take as long as it’ll take.”

Jack returned to the sofa and plopped down, almost in the center.  He dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling while his hands lay limply between his legs.  “I want … “  He reddened.

“Go ahead.  You know there are no judgments here.”

“Just clarifications,” he said dryly.

“Jack.  You want …”

“I want …”  He took a deep breath, held it, and chickened out.  He couldn’t bring himself to say it.  He shook his head.

“Remember what we talked about?  Let’s revisit why you won’t finish that thought.”

Her voice was soothing but provoking.  By this time in his therapy, Jack knew what she meant.  This was precisely the problem with his communication skills.  Any love he feels for a man, he won’t say out loud because he thinks it makes him weak.  After a few more sessions, it was revealed that he thought it placed him in the position of a woman.  In so doing, it revealed an underlying accidental misogynism, forced upon him by society and his teachers, mentors, and father figures.  In other words, gay or bisexual isn’t macho.

He closed his eyes.  “I know why.  We’ve been all over that.  Just … give me a minute.”  She did.  He rearranged his thought, his desire, by stepping outside himself and detaching the emotion.  But as he did it, he knew it was wrong.  He wasn’t just avoiding.  He was denying himself love.

He blinked and sat up.  “I’m denying myself.”

She smiled.  “Yes.  And?”

 He said quietly, “I want … to be with him.”  Without thinking, he added, “One more time.”

She arched a brow.

“What?” he partly sing-songed.  He knew she was going to ask an annoying question, and further, he knew which one.

“’One more time’ actually means what?”

He sighed, and his ornery stubbornness fought her.  Himself.  “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you think you do?”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“You do know.”

“Thank you,” Jack said sarcastically, but this time, she didn’t admonish him.  He closed his eyes again and was silent for a while.  She got up to get them both coffees from the machine and when she returned and handed him the mug, he stared into it.

“He really likes coffee,” he said softly.  “I think if you drained his blood, it’d be ninety percent caffeine.”  She waited, sipping at her brew.  He ground his back teeth a few times, annoyed at the silence because she was going to let him chew at the right answer until their time was up.  Eventually, he said, “Forever.  ‘One more time’ really means ‘forever’.”

“Why is that hard to say?” she asked.

“Because it means …”  He grimaced.  His face grew hot and his eyes were stinging.  “It means …”  He whispered the last three words.  “I love him.”

He froze, unable to move.  She sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders, her hand rubbing his upper arm.  “It’s okay to feel it.  It’s okay to say it.  Everyone, everywhere, says it.  You’ve said it to Sara.  It was the right thing to say then and it’s the right thing to say now.”  She looked at him, bending her head to meet his eyes.  She smiled, then looked around the room.  “Can you hear that?”

Jack frowned.  “No.  What?”

“Can you see it?”

He frowned more deeply.

“The world didn’t end.  The sky didn’t fall.”

He snorted, but remained otherwise silent.

“I’ll just bet you have this incredible urge to joke or make a sarcastic comment in order to diffuse your feelings.”

“How’d you guess?” he said, and this time the sarcasm was appropriate.  He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes between thumb and forefinger.  The brief appearance of tears had dried, making his eyes itch.  “And he’s gone.  I pushed him away.”

“Don’t you think he’ll take you back?”

Jack stared at her, surprised.  “What?”

“From what you’ve told me about him, isn’t he the kind of person who gives people second chances?”

“Yeah.”  He looked at her.  “But the damage …”

“I know,” she said, sympathetically.  She rubbed his arm one more time and got up, giving him some needed distance.

“What do I do?” he asked, looking at his coffee again.

“Trust your instincts.  Be his friend.  And see what happens.”  She paused, and her sympathetic face was back on.  “But you need to prepare yourself for disappointment and retaliatory hurt coming back on you.”

“He’s not like that,” Jack said instantly.

“Perhaps.  But you told me that he can be pretty stubborn about things when he believes he’s right.”

“Yeah,” Jack said, nodding.

“So is it possible, just possible, that he might, if you’ll pardon me, tell you to fuck off?”

Jack looked up at her in surprise, tempted to scold her for saying that.  But it forced him to think about the question.  And he had to admit.  She had a point.  “And if he does?”

She gave him an amused smile.  “Then I’d say it was time for flowers and courtship.”

Jack snorted.  “Yeah, that’ll go over real well, doc.”  He paused to make the point.  “Daniel does not do flowers.”

“Then you’ll have to figure out a way to court him in a creative way.”

He let out a bark of laughter.  “How’s that gonna work exactly?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged.  “What do you think of when someone says they’re courting?”

Jack stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets.  The clenching of fists didn’t return.  “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”

She gave him a sardonic grin.  “Okay.  Let’s not use the word ‘courting’.  How about, ‘winning back his friendship and the rest will fall into place’.”

Jack gave her a confused look.  “Better, but exactly how does one follow the other?”

“He loves you, doesn’t he?”

Jack made a face.  “Past tense.”

“Given what you’ve told me about the man, I’m inclined to believe that he doesn’t stop loving people, even when they’ve turned on him.”

“Granted, but those people aren’t me.”

 

Chapter Three: Malum

Disaster, injury, misfortune

 

Jack tapped on Hammond’s door and when the permission came, opened the door, stepped in, and spread his arms.

“General, I’m five by five.  Let me get back to work.”

Hammond grinned and gestured at the chair.  “Close the door and have a seat, Jack.”

As he did, he noticed a letter on Hammond’s desk that had the same letterhead as Doctor Carmichael.  He started to get a bit mad but reined it in.  Find out first if there’s reason to be upset.

“Is that from Doc Carmichael?” he asked as he slowly sat down.

“It is.”

“Um.  Isn’t there such a thing as doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“There is, and it applies here.  This is her report on your status and whether you’re good to go.  It doesn’t get into the specifics of your time spent in therapy.”

“Okay,” Jack said, breathing easier.  A little.  “What’s she got to say?  ‘Cause I gotta tell ya.  I have orders to make nice with Daniel.”

Hammond’s brows shot up.  “Are you serious?”

“Well, it’s sort of like AA, sir.  She suggests I try to make amends.”  Hammond didn’t need to know that it wasn’t just to repair the friendship.  Jack gestured at the letter.  “What’s she say?  Didn’t she mention it?”

“Actually, I just got it and haven’t read past the first paragraph.”

Jack’s brows shot up comically.  “There are paragraphs?”

Hammond grinned.  “I’m glad to see your humor is still intact.  Yes, Colonel, there are paragraphs.  Now, sit tight and let me read.”

“Yes, sir.”  Jack slouched slightly as he literally twiddled his thumbs, waiting.  His normal impatience was gone, and he spent the time staring at Hammond’s name plate while thinking about how to talk to Daniel.  It was, in fact, the only thing on his mind outside of SG-1’s future missions.  And getting Daniel back on the team.

Finally, Hammond set the letter down and folded his hands.  “Doctor Carmichael is very impressed with your therapy.”

“She is?” Jack asked.  He had left her office thinking he was a student who’d been given homework.

“She is.  She mentions that you’ve done well and you’re ready to come back to work.  She wants to see you once a week for another few months.  To quote her, ‘to check on your progress’.”  Hammond paused.  “Are you at liberty to tell me what she means?”

“Patience and anger control, sir,” Jack said, the words rolling off the tongue easily.  He’d been rehearsing them on the drive to the mountain.

“Ah.”

“I’m not going to say that I won’t get mad, General.  I’ve only learned that I can’t fly off the handle unreasonably.”

Hammond grinned again and stood.  “Well, that’s a start.”

“So,” Jack said, standing up with the General, and clapping his hands together.  “Where’s Carter and Teal’c?  I’d like to take SG-1 to visit that planet SG-6 is on.  Have a little looksee.”

Hammond gave him an apologetic look.  “I’m sorry, Colonel, but you’re due to rendezvous with—”

At that moment, Davis’ voice came over the intercom system as the klaxon went off.  “Offworld Activation.  Offworld Activation.”

Jack and Hammond hurried to the control room.

“Who is it, sergeant?” Hammond asked.

“SG-6, sir.”

“Open the iris.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m getting their MALP, not their IDC.”

“Bring it up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Over their heads, the MALP’s camera appeared on the four flat screens, as well as the small one on the console.

“Stargate Command, this is Captain Cornell, SG-6.  Do you copy?”  An attractive Asian woman wearing a dark green utility cap and uniform appeared, slanted, in front of the camera.  She looked panicked.

“Captain Cornell, this is General Hammond.  What’s the situation?”

“Sir, Doctor Jackson has been injured and some of our personnel have been cut off from our position.”

“What happened?” Hammond asked.

“I don’t know, sir.  I was setting up camp for evening rations when some sort of security dome came down on the islands.  Then Doctor Jackson radioed that he’d been shot with a silver arrow.  And before you guess, it’s nothing like the Salish from SG-1’s mission five years ago.  This is a completely different culture and the arrow came from an automated defense system.  We can’t get to him, either.  I think we need Major Carter’s expertise, sir.”

“Is the area accessible?” Hammond asked.

“I don’t know, sir.”  She pulled back and turned the MALP.  It showed several hazy but translucent blue domes over sections of forest.  “The domes have us cut off.  We can swim to the bridges between them but Daniel … I mean, Doctor Jackson … is trapped inside the one on the third island.  Communication is possible, or he wouldn’t have been able to radio us about being shot.”

“Is the gate area clear?” the General asked.

“Yes, sir.  This is the main island and it is unaffected.”

“We’ll send a team and medical staff, Captain,” Hammond told her.  “Clear the gate area.”

“Yes, sir.  SG-6 out.”

Jack found himself anxious and angry, ready to kill whoever or whatever it was that shot Daniel.  His sessions with Carmichael told him to dial it back or he’d unload.  Damn therapy.

“Colonel, SG-1 has a go.  Doctor Fraiser and her field team will join you.”

“Yes, sir,” Jack said starting to leave.  Over his shoulder, he said, “Now, see.  This is why Daniel can’t leave SG-1.  Every time he does, something bad happens.”

Chrysalis 3: Force Majeure

J/D, Explicit, 10,800 words

Summary:  In Jack’s eyes, the future is looking positive, but the universe has a nasty sense of humor.

Note 1: Quote #1 is from The Youngblood’s “Darkness, Darkness”.  Quote #2 is from Evanescence’s “Bring Me to Life.”

Note 2: Force Majeure – “A natural and unavoidable catastrophe that interrupts the expected course of events.”

 

---

Darkness, darkness, long and lonesome.

With the day that brings my happiness,

I have found the edge of silence.

Oh, I am in the depths of fear.

---

Now that I know what I’m without

you can’t just leave me.

Breathe into me and make me real.

---

Chapter One: Dreams

(Coincides with the time frame of Chrysalis 2)

 

Daniel had everything packed in two duffles and a backpack.  He’d looked up SG-6 mission specs and it looked like things would be busy.  He loved the idea.  He needed ‘busy’.  He thought he was finished until he spied the two thermos on the desk next to the cans of coffee.  Rolling his eyes, he reopened his pack and stuff the thermos in, then put the coffee in one of the duffles.  Yep.  Done.  Now to go see Sam before he took off.  He’d already seen Teal’c.

When he walked into the infirmary and made his way to the back ward where Sam was, Daniel remembered what time it was and halted just when he came into view of her bed.  “Damn,” he muttered, prepared to spin on his heel.  He argued with himself, twice, before he went over to her bed cart and pulled a note pad out of his front pocket.

“Daniel?” she mumbled sleepily.

“Hey, sorry,” he said, looking sheepish.  “I forgot what time it was.”

“That’s okay,” she said, pushing herself up.  Daniel went to her side and touched the remote that raised the head of the bed.  It went up enough for her to see him without straining her neck.  “That’s good, thanks.  Grab my water?”

“Sure,” he said, taking it from the side table and handing it over as he sat on the side of her bed.  “Well, I’m gonna be going in …”  He looked at his watch.  “Twenty minutes.  Well, sixteen.  Four minutes to get to the gateroom.”

Sam looked at him unhappily.  “Why?”

He didn’t need to ask what she meant.  “Because it’s too hard to stay, Sam.  He hasn’t been my friend for a long time and he barely tolerates my presence.”

“I don’t see it,” she said.  “I see him talking to you, joking with you.  It makes no sense to me.”

Daniel took a deep breath and got to his feet.  He’d planned to stay longer but if she was gonna lay there and lie to herself, there really was no need to stay, and by that action, condone it.  “Take care, Sam.”

“Daniel, wait,” she implored, looking upset.

“What?” he asked wearily.

“Maybe I’ve been blind, and I didn’t notice because I didn’t want to.  I don’t want you to leave thinking that I believe you’re making all this up.”

“I don’t think that.  But sometimes, we see our friends through rose-colored glasses or we just make excuses.  I know.  I get it.  I did the same thing for a long time.  But for the last eight months, I’ve only been reminded again and again why my decision to go to another team is the right one.”  He lifted and dropped his arm in her direction.  “I’ll let you know how I’m doing, okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

As he headed out, her pained face was imprinted on his brain.

 

He stood in the gateroom, taking a final look at a page in his notebook, reminding him who his new teammates were.  SG-6 was a seven-man team.  Now, an eight-man team.  It was sort of like SG-11, which now had twelve members.  His notation read:

“Doctor” Lieutenant Colonel Sonja Waterman, PhDs in Biologic Archaeology, Primate Anthropology, and Biology of Complex Systems

“Doctor” Major Anita Wallingford, PhDs in Theoretical Physics, Quantum Physics, and Computer Science

Captain David Forrester, Masters in Sociology, Anthropology, and Mathematics

Captain Linda Cornell, Master/Archaeology

Lieutenant Vanessa Portman, Master/Archaeology

Lieutenant William “Will” Singleton, Master/Security Systems Analysis

SGT Holly Travers, Master in Sociology/Psychology, and a blackbelt in Martial Arts.

He’d added the bit about martial arts as a sort of special note.  It always helped knowing who was better able to defend him in case he needed it.  It used to be …

Daniel shut off that thought and looked up as the wormhole connected.  He had to squint.  Even after all these years, it was always a bit bright.  With his glasses on, it was brighter.  He wasn’t wearing them today and had decided on the change the night before.  He’d packed the glasses, but in his pocket were his spares of contact lenses, tucked into their plastic housing.  Absently, he wondered why Sam hadn’t noticed he hadn’t had the glasses on.  Probably just preoccupied.

He brushed a hand over his dark green camo bandana and looked down at the matching BDUs.  He would never get used to wearing the jungle uniform.  When had he last wore it?  Didn’t matter.  It was tropical where he was going and the uniform was SOP.  AKA, Standard Operating Procedure.  Adjusting the pack on his back, he looked up over his shoulder and into the control room.  He was glad to see that General Hammond was there to see him off.

“You have a go, Doctor Jackson.  Godspeed.  And keep us apprised.”

“Thank you, sir,” Daniel called back, giving Hammond a thumbs-up, then he looked at the event horizon, hefted his duffles, and went up the ramp and through the gate.

 

P2C-701, or Waterworld, as Lieutenant Portman had coined it, was a world with a Caribbean feel to it.  Surrounding the gate were hundreds of islands.  The UAV, he’d read, had found no major land masses.  Even if the foliage had covered the structures found, they would have known that intelligent beings had lived here because all islands were interconnected with floating bridges made out of a grey, porous material that looked like granite but was a lot lighter.

As for the buildings, each island held pentagon-shaped buildings constructed of rich blue stone resembling lapis lazuli but lacking the veins, including the main island where the gate was positioned.  A UAV had also discovered where the stone had been mined: a quarry that was several islands south of the gate and from what they could tell, that island had been the largest one on the small planet.  It was the size of a major Earth city.

A hundred feet before the gate was a five-sided colonnade surrounding an overgrown garden, but within that garden was an empty stone courtyard.  Walkways led to the center of the courtyard where a large, rectangular block of blue stone sat.  It might have been an altar.

What was more interesting to Daniel was that on nearly every building, glyphs were etched into the stone and filled in with a gold substance.  The glyphs were most numerous on the colonnade and altar.  SG-6’s notes hadn’t mentioned it, but Daniel knew the glyphs were identical to the Furling samples on the Heliopolis planet, only there was a lot more to study.  The moment he’d said that to Major Wallingford, she’d assigned him as team linguist and pattern analyst.

He spent the majority of his first week going from building to building, making notes and taking a lot of video.

On the first day of work, he wrote:

 

The third objective was his own and the first two belonged to the team.  The composition of the bridge material was of particular interest.  It had no evidence of erosion against salt water.  The same was said for the buildings.  Both items could be of use to Earth.  Sadly, that didn’t apply to the Furling language.  But Daniel had made a note of all objectives, just to remind himself.  He wasn’t there to do as he pleased, and he’d given himself an order:  “Don’t get too deeply engrossed in your work.”  Otherwise, he’d earn the same opinion that SG-11 had developed:  Watch out for Jackson.  He gets obsessed and he’ll forgo sleep and food if you don’t order him to eat and sleep.

Daniel wouldn’t call it obsession.  He preferred the phrase, ‘deeply engrossed’.  That had happened a lot before joining the SGC.  After joining, no one, particularly O’Neill, would allow him that luxury.  The last time he recalled getting close to doing it was when they had been on that planet with the Ziggurat.  He’d been so fascinated with the logogram forms that he had forgotten he’d cracked the code.  He’d snapped out of it when O’Neill had said, “Carter, break out the C4.”

 

There was a bit of good-natured teasing for the first two weeks and it was relaxing.  This was something he wasn’t very familiar with.  The good-natured bit.  During lunch on the twenty-second day, Sergeant Travers—Holly—sat down next to him as he parked himself under a section of colonnade on the main island.  She had a large plastic food storage container with the word “Glad” stamped in the lid.

“How you doing, Daniel?” she asked, peeling off the top.

Inside was the salad she tried to have every day, and Daniel thought it looked like a small produce section.  Four people could have shared it easily.  In his hand was an energy bar, and on his lap was his large field journal.  He looked at her salad with amusement.

“Hey, Holly.  I’m doin’ good.  You?”

She brushed at her short brown hair after removing her cap.  “It’s another warm one,” she said.

“Well it is the tropics.”

She laughed and dug into her salad.  She was a pretty nice person, but unfortunately she had inherited deep, warm brown eyes that reminded him of Jack, so as a result, he rarely looked her in the eye.  He hoped that sort of irrational stupidity would fade soon.

“Where’s Doctor Waterman?” he asked.  “She back at the SGC or in Washington again?”  The head of their team was always off on Earth somewhere.

“UC Berkeley,” Holly said, jogging her very arched brows.

“What in the world is she doing there?”

“Hunting down her next boss.”

“What?” he asked, surprised.

Holly looked aggrieved.  “Oh, sorry.  She’s retiring in three months.  If the Air Force or whomever has their brains in the right place, they’ll give Wallingford the command, everyone will get a bump up, and I won’t be the low man on the totem pole anymore.”

“Technically that’s me,” Daniel grinned.  “I’m the newbie.”

She goggled at him.  “Are you insane?”

He stared, wondering if he’d somehow, someway, insulted her.  “What?”

“You’re a GS-15, Daniel.  The highest that goes.”

“Yeah, so?”

She let out a disbelieving huff of breath.  “So.  A maxed-out GS-15 is the equivalent of a Colonel, Daniel.  Didn’t you know that?  Technically, you should be running this team.”

He blinked at her, stunned.  “If that’s accurate, and I’m not calling you a liar or anything, then why does everyone on the base treat me like I’m a sophomore in college who had to redo his semester?”

“They don’t!” she said, agog.  “Are you serious?”

“For the last seven and a half years, Holly.”  He frowned.  “Technically, six.  I’m surprised you don’t know that, base gossip being what it is.”

She snorted.  “I don’t really hang around places that gossip and I tune out those that do.  They bore me to tears.  That said, I’m not surprised it’s happened to you.  It’s the military.”

“You’re military,” he pointed out.

“Yeah,” she said, her mouth full, “but I’m not as hide-bound as a lot of people of higher rank.  Have you ever noticed the lower ranks and NCOs treating you like crap?”

Daniel chewed slowly as he thought about.  And she was right.  “No,” he said wonderingly.  “Actually, they haven’t.”  He frowned.  “Why didn’t I notice that before?”

“Maybe because you’re surrounded by officers.  You and Teal’c are the civilians on your team and no NCOs.”

He jogged his brows, ceding the point, though he refrained from correcting her on the verb tense.  He took out a map from the back of his journal and showed it to her.  “I’m going here tomorrow,” he said, pointing.  “Spend the day.  There’s a structure in the foliage that I want to uncover.  May have different aspects of the language on it.”

“Hmm.  I’d love to join you.  That stuff is fascinating.  But I have to get in the water and do some sampling on the bridge between the second and third islands.  The third being your island.”

“Fun.  At least you’ll get cooled off.”

“Not in that damn wet suit,” she said, and laughed.  They spent the rest of lunch discussing the water and whether or not they would get a boat sent through so they could check the islands in the distance.  The UAV had revealed far less vegetation.  Daniel wanted to know why.  They weren’t far enough away to earn a difference in climate.

He spent the afternoon recording the back of a building on the second island to the south, making notes on the display of large text.  It was laid out in what appeared to be paragraphs.  Other structures had only single blocks of text.  Some had relief images surrounded by text.  He wondered if the one he was working on was a historic marker or monument.  It reminded him of the inside walls of the Jefferson Memorial.  The same large blocks of text.

When he retired for the night, Daniel was glad that the temperature had dropped.  It was so much easier to sleep.  He’d been nearly asleep when a draft of cold air rushed through the structure and he’d sleepily climbed into the sleeping bag.  He fell into deep, dreamless sleep.

Until dawn.

He was Carlin, and he felt odd, displaced.  He was supposed to be somewhere else, doing something important.  He stood before the gate, its shimmering pool of water reflecting over his face.  Jonah was there, walking toward it.  He turned …

The dream changed to the SGC, and Daniel was himself, but he still wore Carlin’s clothes.  Jack was wearing a black t-shirt and green fatigue trousers.  He was also barefoot.  He walked to the event horizon, looked back at Daniel, then slapped the energy field with the back of his hand.

“Here it is.  What are you waiting for?”

“What are you talking about?  Where are your shoes?”

Jack looked down.  “I’m going bareback today.”

“Barefoot,” Daniel corrected.

“What’s the difference?”

The scene dissolved into a replay of a love-making night.  Jack had torn the condom after ripping the foil too hard.  Daniel had been so horny that he’d told Jack it wasn’t important.  “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?  This isn’t like going barefoot, ya know,” Jack had said with a grin.  Daniel had started laughing right up to the point when Jack entered him.  Then laughter was the furthest thing from his mind.  The dream replayed this last bit in slow motion…

 

Daniel inhaled sharply and woke up, eyes unfocused, his head filled with lust and his body reflecting it.  A light film of sweat cooled his hairline and temples.  With a heavy sigh, he stared at the shadows over his head, breathing slowly while ignoring the erection that demanded relief.

Over the next few weeks, his dreams played similar past events, never once turning into nightmare territory by finishing with angry words and hateful looks.  Each night, Daniel resisted the temptation to jerk off, not wanting the barest of sounds to travel to anyone else awake at that hour, but he finally relented during the third week of dreams.

He refused to touch himself because the sound that movement made was undeniably recognizable.  He grabbed the bandana from the top of the duffle he used as a makeshift night stand and quickly wrapped it around the head of his cock.  In his mind, the scene was still replaying the first time Jack had sucked him.  He remembered the slow tease, and coming so hard he had pushed Jack away.  He was always so sensitive after climaxing and any touch would set him to twitching and jumping as if he was being burned.  Jack had not wanted to stop touching him, getting off on Daniel’s overactive nerves.

Lying there on the cot, he gripped the sides and imagined being sucked by an expert mouth.  Part of him wanted to imagine it was Jack.  Part of him wanted to imagine it was someone else.  He didn’t search his mind for willing participants, just in case his mind turned traitorous and landed on someone he’d just as soon kill as have near his cock.  Like Ba’al, for example.  One time, he’d thought of him, and it had horrified him so badly that the erection he’d had died unhappy.

This time, he simply imagined lips, sucking, tongue rubbing, massaging, probing.  Then the mouth took him inside, further and further, and the sucking became hard; the head bobbed up and down.  Before he knew it, Daniel had wandered into dream territory and instead of being sucked, he was inside someone, holding their hips, thrusting faster and faster.  It was raw, primitive, needful.  He felt the body buck beneath him, heard the cry of orgasm and the tightening around his cock.  Jack’s voice.  He’d never been inside him and just the thought of it sent him over the edge.

He gripped the bed as his eyes flew open, staring hard at the blackness overhead while he tried so hard not to move as his seed squirted into the bandana and warm liquid covered the head of his cock, sticking it to his abdomen.  He remained hard for a lot longer than he should have, but eventually, the erection relaxed and he cleaned himself up.  It was as if his body had been demanding he get up in search for someone to fuck.  With a long, slow exhalation, he laid an arm over his head and closed his eyes.

 

The next day, he was on the third island, hefting his machete.  He could see a bit of blue about five yards away through the dense vegetation but the plants grew thick and were nearly as tough as green bamboo.  After an hour, the foliage began to give way and his job became a lot easier.

It was a smaller island, maybe two-hundred yards across.  After the path ended with hanging thread branches reminiscent of weeping willows, he came to a small clearing.  The blue stonework wasn’t a pentagon in the traditional sense.  It was five-sided, but it was a three-tiered obelisk six-feet high.  Stationed around it were eight four-foot by six-inch marker stones with perfectly flat tops.

Each marker had hash mark combinations running vertically from ground to apex on the sides facing the obelisk.  The marks were almost exactly like the ancient Gaelic language, Ogham, but grouped in completely different configurations.  If he tried to read them aloud, it’d sound like gibberish.  If he couldn’t find a key, he’d have no way of knowing what they said and he was sure it related to the purpose of the obelisk.

On the obelisk itself, the top tier was made of five sides that tapered to a point, and each side was etched in a leaf-blade design.  It made him think that if the structure opened, it’d resemble a flower opening.  Around the base of the top tier, there were Furling symbols in square ‘buttons’ an eighth of an inch high.  A way to open it?  A few more dotted one side of the second tier and the entirety formed a lop-sided triangle.  If he tried to press them all at once, he’d have to use a pencil held in his mouth to get them all.

Was he seriously considering pressing them?  He pulled a pencil out of his pack and tapped one of the buttons with the eraser end.  It depressed with the sound of stone on stone and gratingly came back up.  He looked for hints that would explain this obelisks’ function.  The stone beneath his feet was sectioned in a pattern of diamonds, but it looked more decorative than purposeful and there were no glyph buttons.

He attempted combinations but one button would push down and the others would remain stationary.  Finally, he placed all ten fingers on the buttons, having to stretch painfully with his pinkies, and with the pencil between his teeth, he used the eraser to push a top center button.  All of the buttons depressed, but instead of stopping flush with the surface of the stonework, they sank further.  Daniel stepped back, hoping he hadn’t screwed up, as he watched the top tier open the way he thought it would.

The buttons popped back up all at once and the five leaves opened in sync until they were flat against the second tier.  In the center, a clear crystal leaf blade ‘arrowhead’ was revealed.  Daniel started forward to take a closer look when the base of the crystal began to glow pink, then red.  The edges of the buttons glowed the same color, then began to spin at separate speeds.  A code?  Or waiting for a code?  Was it a countdown?

On the heels of that thought, he backed up and his heel caught on something.  He looked down and found that the perimeter of the marker stones had been ringed by a two-inch high, two-inch thick border.  He flung out his arms to keep from falling and something flashed white from the base of the top tier.  It hit Daniel in the upper left shoulder, piercing his scapula.

Heat and searing pain spread through his upper body.  He cried out and reached for his arm, but his hand hit the shaft of a very thin silver arrow.  “Shit!” he hissed.  A second after, a translucent blue light sprang from the ground all around the edge of the island and spread upward until it formed a dome.  Daniel could easily see through it to find that all the other islands were doing the same thing.  Except for the island with the gate.  He could easily see through the forcefield.

Looking slightly down and to his right, he spotted Lieutenant Portman standing on the center of the bridge.  She was pointing, talking, but he couldn’t hear her.  At her feet, Holly was treading water in her scuba suit.  They were trapped outside and would have to swim to the main island.

Portman touched her radio mic.  “Daniel, can you hear me?”

Surprised, he nodded.  The arrow had just missed the mic, but it was in the way and it hurt to unlatch it.  “Yeah.”

“What is that in your shoulder?”

“An arrow,” he said slowly, grimacing.

“An arrow?”  She lifted and dropped her hands in a ‘now what’ gesture.

Yeah, he could relate.

“Hang tight.  We’ll … figure out something.”  She squinted past him and frowned at the obelisk.  “Goddammit.  Did you do this?”  She waved at the domes.

Still grimacing, he keyed the mic.  “I’m pretty sure I did, yeah.”  She gave him an annoyed look.  He gestured at his shoulder and gritted through his teeth, “And I’m paying for it.”

“Well, look at it this way,” she said as she took off her boots.  “At least it didn’t get you between the eyes.”

Daniel’s eyes widened in reaction and he ducked needlessly as he looked over his shoulder.  Then his eyes found his pack, leaning against the base of the obelisk.  He needed his first aid kit and that’s where it was.  Did he dare go get it?

“Well.  Shit,” he mumbled, hissing at the pain.  What was that saying?  In for a penny …

 

 

Chapter Two: The Obelisk

(an hour after the end of Chrysalis 2)

 

Daniel saw his former teammates arrive in the distance and his stomach and abdomen hurt.  He longed to be with him … them.

“Christ, Jackson.  You’re pathetic,” Daniel growled at himself.

To his surprise, Janet came through with a team of corpsmen and embarrassment colored his cheeks.  He didn’t need all that.  A second after that thought, he grimaced at his arrogance.  What if someone else gets injured while they work out how to turn the forcefields off?  Answer:  Who the hell is gonna get injured?  They’re already alerted to the obelisk.  Daniel wondered if perhaps his injury was messing with his critical thinking.  Yeah.  It’s a sure bet.

“Daniel?” came Sam’s voice over the radio.

“Here,” he said.

“You okay?”

Why did people ask stupid questions?

“Um, no.”

“We brought a couple of Zodiacs.  We’ll be over in a few.”

Zodiacs?  It took him a moment.  Oh, right.  Those air boats that SEALs use.  Why the hell were they called … and then the answer came to him.  It was a word used to make up the acronym of whatever they were really called.

He didn’t bother to reply to Sam since there wasn’t a need.  In the meantime, he wondered what the other members of SG-6 were telling Jack.  Wallingford was a nice woman, but she didn’t see the need for Daniel being on the team and considered his presence the result of favoritism.  It had been the first time since college that he’d run into that attitude.  His C.O., Doctor Waterman, had been okay with it but she was gone fifty percent of the time.  Captain Forrester and Lieutenant Singleton didn’t mind his presence.  They liked to talk shop about all the things Daniel had discovered and enjoyed arguing theories.  Portman and Holly Travers were a lot friendlier and he hadn’t bothered to discover if some of that was personal interest.  He’d grown used to that in college and at the institute.  Although a lot of that interest had died once he’d earned a reputation as a fringe thinker.

Since Portman and Holly were here, there was no way to know what they would eventually think, but Daniel could guess that Portman was ready to blame the whole thing on him.  Technically, she was right, but how the hell was he supposed to assume the obelisk had active defenses?  He thought he’d found a worship center or some sort of time measuring platform.

He didn’t hear the boats approaching thanks to the forcefield, but he could see them.  He rested on his knees and held his left elbow in his hand to keep the pressure off his shoulder.  Gravity was a bitch.  The pain was getting worse and the front and back of his t-shirt was drenched in drying, sticky blood.  Oddly, the wound itself seemed to have stopped bleeding, which made no sense.  And a second later, he realized it was due to the arrow displacement keeping him from bleeding.  The moment it came out …

“Daniel, we’re almost there.  Hang tight.”

Jack.  He was steering the boat and Forrester was steering the second one with Janet and her medics.  Seemed a bit too much in Daniel’s opinion.  The only place to go was the bridge.  On the other hand, they had plenty of room since the bridges were twelve feet wide and nearly eighty yards long.  Exactly the length of all the other bridges.  It was one of the things Daniel had intended to investigate because it was extremely odd.  The islands were of different shapes and sizes and densities, but they were the same distance apart.

He’d wondered if the builders had done that on purpose somehow.  Rebuilding or reshaping land masses was a tricky thing and it was never a permanent fixture.  Time and nature would change it back to the way it was.  Except here, it hadn’t happened.  Were they monitoring the planet maybe?  Was that why he was shot?  For interfering?  That made no sense.  What possible harm could he have caused?

“Daniel,” Sam asked.  He got up slowly and walked along the rough path.  It was odder still to have such buildings but no fixed walkways except on the main island.  He started to toe at the ground as he walked but stopped when a lance of pain shot through his upper body.  He cussed heavily as he approached the bridge and Sam.  She grinned sympathetically at him, reading his lips.  “You okay?”

“Uh, sure,” he drawled.  “Just fine.  How’re you doing?”  He winced as another pain shot through his shoulder.

“Sorry.  So what did you do?  Portman said this is your doing.”

Daniel rolled his eyes.  “I had no clue something bad would happen.”  He pointed at the haphazard path he’d cleared to get to the obelisk.  “Can you see it?”

She tried to stretch up, but it did no good.  She couldn’t even step on the edge of the island to get a better look.  “Sorry, no.  What exactly did you do?”

“Pushed buttons.  I didn’t know they were buttons but I found out when I pressed one.  I started doing combinations and got nowhere.  Then I pushed them all at the same time, and voila!”  He gestured at his shoulder and the forcefield.

“Did you try pushing them again to see if it would turn this off?”

“Uh, no,” he said, as if she were suggesting something insane.  “I had this arrow in my shoulder.  I figured it was a message to keep away from the obelisk.”

Sam chewed at her lip.  “Has it done anything else?”  He shook his head.  “This is gonna sound crazy, but why don’t you try pushing them again?”

He stared at her.  “That would require me to use my left hand.”

“Daniel,” Jack began.

His tone sounded impatient.  Daniel didn’t want to hear it, so he pointedly turned off his mic while he returned his gaze to Sam, then pointed to himself and made a finger walking gesture toward the obelisk.  He would try to repeat his actions.  She nodded, a tight smile on her face.  It brought another ache to his abdomen, reminding him how much he missed her.  Behind her, he caught Teal’c’s gaze and gave him a pained grin before he turned around headed back to the obelisk.

He slowly approached the insufferable display and crossed the raised circle.  So far, so good.  He let out a long, shaky sigh and picked up the pencil he’d dropped after being shot.  The pain was bad, but he gritted his teeth and pushed all of the relevant buttons again.  He damn near bit his pencil in two, and the tension in his neck traveled to his shoulder.  He hissed and fell to a knee when the pain skyrocketed.

As he heard a hum, all he could see was white.

Then black.

Long seconds passed and wracking nausea hit him, followed by the dull intensity of pain.  Right.  Arrow.  Pain.  Time had either slowed down or sped up.  He couldn’t tell.  After a minute, he felt hands on him and realized that Janet had been talking to him.

“—el?  Daniel?  Can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” he croaked, keeping his eyes squeezed shut.  “Can you just shoot me now?  Put me out of my misery?”

She snorted.  “How about I shoot you with this?”

He felt a hot sting in his upper right arm and sucked air between his teeth.

“That hurt?” Janet asked, surprised.

“Everything does,” he said, and slurred the s in ‘does’ as the morphine or whatever it was hit his brain.  It then occurred to him that pushing the buttons had brought the forcefield down and he looked up blurrily.  “Wow.  It worked.”

“Did you lose your glasses?” she asked him.

“No.  Using contacts.  Glasses are in my pack, just in case.”  His speech was slow but the slurriness dropped off.  His feet were slightly cold and he opened his eyes to find he was on the bridge and his boots were in the water.  Wow.  He really had been out of it.  His right arm was squeezed and he found Janet taking his blood pressure.  “How did I get out here?”

“We escorted you here,” she said, watching the meter with practiced ease.  His pressure was a bit high but normal under the circumstances.  She took his pulse.   It too was high.  Also normal.  She took out her penlight and flicked it over his eyes.  He recoiled from it, making a face.  “Light sensitive.”  She checked his color, watching his eyes the entire time.  “You don’t remember coming over here?”

“No.  I saw white, then black, after my arm flared.”

“I think it’s the arrow.  It looks like trinium but we have to run tests after we get it removed.”

He looked down, frowning.  “I looks like silver.”

She smiled.  “This next bit isn’t going to be fun.  We have to cut off the tip.  It isn’t much, but it’ll tear up the hole if we pull it out the way it went in.”

He groaned, feeling helpless and stubborn and ornery.  “Can’t you put me out first?”

She gave him a wan smile.  “No, sorry.  Corpsman?”

Daniel looked up over his left shoulder without thinking about it and another flare savaged his attention.  “Fuck,” he ground out between clenched teeth.

“Stop moving, Daniel,” she said soothingly.

“I got that, thanks,” he whined.

“Hold still.  We’re cutting off the end behind your shoulder,” she said as she put her hands around the front of the wound, bracing his body.  “Now.”

“Sonofabitch!” he shouted, as he became dizzy and the nausea intensified.  He leaned to the right, over the bridge, and threw up.  “Shit,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry, but we had to get it out because it’s an alien metal,” she said and was holding him firmly while two others pressed cloths to the wound and wound a bandage around him.  “Okay.  C’mon.  Let’s get you in the boat.”

“Where’m I going?” he asked numbly.

She gave him an amused frown.  “Back to the SGC, Daniel.  I can’t treat you here.”

“Oh,” he said, lamely.  “Right.”

 

Daniel underwent minor surgery and woke up in one of the wards, the light level thankfully, blissfully low.  His glasses were on the rolling table, close to his right hand, along with a covered plastic cup and straw.  He grabbed it and sipped gratefully, noticing that his left arm was in a sling.  He pushing the table away, threw the covers off, and sat up.  Something snagged painfully on his inner right arm and he found an I.V.  Shit.  Was it precautionary or was he infected with something from the arrow?  A nurse started to come in, saw him, and did an about-face and disappeared.  Daniel smirked.  Mom’s coming.  Janet appeared ten seconds later, walking in a hurry.

“Get back in bed.”

“Why?” he drawled, not moving.

“Because you have an infection and I’m not letting you go back to the planet until it has cleared up.”

“Janet,” he sighed.  “I’ve had infections before while on a dig.  I can handle some pills.”

“You were infected with an alien pathogen, Doctor Jackson.  Now behave or I’ll call Colonel O’Neill.”

Daniel frowned.  “Don’t you mean Colonel Waterman?”  She looked puzzled.  Jeez.  Did Janet not know he was permanently assigned?  Why hadn’t Sam told—

“No, I mean Colonel O’Neill.  He’s now in charge of the dig site until Doctor Waterman returns.”

“Oh,” Daniel said, disgusted.  “That’s just fucking great.”  He laid back on the gurney, thankful that it was in a reclining position.  As Janet checked his vitals, she gave him a disappointed and sour expression as she tucked him under the covers.  “Don’t start,” he told her.

“You apparently haven’t been in on the recent news.”

“What news?” he asked, grinding his back teeth.

“He’s changed.”

“In eight weeks?  I don’t think so.”

“The psychoanalyst is very good.”

Daniel blinked, stunned, and stared hard at her.  “What do you mean, ‘psychoanalyst’?”

Janet’s mouth hung open a moment, then she shut it and adopted an understanding expression.  “I thought you knew.”

“How the hell would I know?  I’ve been offworld all that time.”

She sighed and changed her expression to one that was more genial.  “General Hammond ordered him to get therapy.  He’s been seeing a doctor three times a week.  SG-1 was on stand-down until today.”

“Ah huh,” he said, his tone neutral.  “How long do you think this purging will take?”

“Purging?”

“For the antibiotic or whatever to kill the infection.”

“I’ll know over the next twelve hours.  You know the drill, Daniel.  This stuff takes time.”

He groaned and closed his eyes.  “I don’t suppose—”

She bent down and hefted his pack onto the bed.  “What do you need?”

“The two books, my tape recorder, and my journal.”

She handed him the books.  Fiction novels.  She set the bag back on the floor.  “You can read, but you’re not doing any work.”  When he shot her a mock-glare, she sent it right back.  “Too bad.  You need to conserve energy and heal.”

Daniel groaned again.  “Can you amp up the morphine so I can sleep?”  The look on her face was priceless.  “Worth a try,” he said, sighing heavily.  At least his shoulder didn’t hurt.  In fact, he couldn’t feel it.  He’d been given a block.

 

It took twenty-four hours for the infection to clear and Daniel had had no visitors during that time.  He figured Sam and Teal’c were busy on the planet but when he was laying there the next day, waiting for Janet to come in and clear him, they showed up.  Sam brought him cookies and Teal’c gave him a meditation stone.

Daniel grinned knowingly.  “Thanks, Teal’c.  Sam. Where have you guys been?”

Sam opened her mouth but Teal’c beat her to it.

“Prohibited from seeing you until we ourselves were cleared.  Doctor Fraiser has had everyone tested.”

“Precautionary,” Sam told him when his eyes widened.

“Oh.  So you guys checked out the obelisk?”

“Yes and no.  Colonel O’Neill threw a great big tarp over it and ordered us to steer clear until we came back wearing protective gear.”

“I’ll assume that’ll include tack vests with Kevlar,” Daniel said dryly.

She grinned.  “Yep.”  Her expression turned inquisitive.  “So what made you press those buttons?  Aside from curiosity and a secret death wish.”

He smiled shyly.  He really missed this.  “I was kinda hoping for something to happen like it did on Heliopolis.”

She and Teal’c frowned.  “What made you believe such a thing?” Teal’c asked.

He stared at them.  “Didn’t you notice the writing all over those buildings?  On the obelisk?  Or those small standing stones around it?”

“Yeah, we noticed,” Sam said, exchanging looks with Teal’c.

“It’s Furling,” Daniel said, excitement creeping into his voice.  “Whoever made that device on Heliopolis may have made the obelisk.  I wanted to find out.”  He grimaced.  “I certainly did.  I pushed the wrong buttons.”  She and Teal’c looked back at him with blank faces.  “Well think about it.  I pushed buttons and it shot me.  I’m pretty sure it was punishment for entering the wrong security code.”

“I don’t know, Daniel,” Sam said doubtfully.

“What gives you that impression?” Teal’c asked.

He shrugged, then winced, and grabbed at his arm.  “Instinct.”  He pursed his lips, thinking about it.  “So … now what?  I mean, I’m heading right back there after Janet clears me.”

“But your shoulder,” Sam said.

“Oh please,” he said, dismissing the injury.  “I used to work with much worse.”

“When you were on digs on Earth.  That place isn’t Earth.”

“I believe he should be allowed back there, Major Carter,” Teal’c said.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I believe he is correct.  He entered the wrong code.  Somewhere nearby may be clues on how to open it properly.”

“I just have to read that Ogham dialect properly.”

“Owam?” Sam asked.

“Owum.  There are hash marks in a pattern on the stones around the obelisk.  It resembles an old Irish form of writing called Ogham.  If I can figure out what it says, I’m hoping it’ll reveal what the obelisk is used for.  That’ll make it easier to know what to look for when it comes to properly opening it.”

“Maybe,” she said thoughtfully.

“So how long are you guys assigned to the dig?”

“Until General Hammond decides there’s no immediate threat.”

“The threat was dealt with,” Daniel countered.  He wanted Jack as far away from that dig as possible.

“But Hammond wants a more thorough analysis done of the other islands, so SG-6 had to halt their normal routine.”

“Great,” Daniel said sourly.  “Doctor Wallingford will be livid.”

Sam looked a bit angry.  “She doesn’t think much of you, from what I could gather, listening to her talk to Colonel O’Neill.”

Daniel snorted.  “Peas in a pod.”

Sam shook her head, startled, and Teal’c looked just as surprised.  “That’s not how it went, Daniel.  He’s changed.”

“So Janet insisted.  In eight weeks?” he said, disbelieving.

“Indeed,” Teal’c said, nodding.  “It is quite a remarkable achievement.”

“Ah huh.  Anyway, I’d like to get back there.”

Janet came in at that moment.  “And you can do that, but you’re ordered to scale back your usual activity.”

Daniel lifted his sling-encased arm.  “I don’t have a choice.”

Janet gave him a distrustful look.  “I know you, Daniel.  You’ll find a way to do more work despite your disability.”

He glowered at her, but it was fake.  “Point taken,” he said, a glimmer of a smile on his lips.  He looked at Sam and Teal’c.  “Help me get the hell out of here?”

 

 

Chapter Three: The Well

 

“Nice to see you in one piece,” Jack said as he, Sam, and Teal’c exited the gate on ‘701.  He looked Daniel over.  “And clean.”

Daniel paused, quipping, “Who are you and what have you done with Colonel Jack O’Neill.”  He wasn’t saying it nicely.

Jack pointedly ignored the gibe.  “Let me get that,” he said, and took Daniel’s pack before he could resist.

“Jack,” Daniel began to protest, then internally slapped himself.  “Colonel.  I’m not an invalid.  I can carry my own stuff.”

“Sure you can, or Fraiser wouldn’t have let you come back, never mind Hammond.”  He still had his pack and was walking in the direction of the small building that served as Daniel’s quarters.

“Where are you going?” he asked, following, and intent on grabbing that damn pack.

“To put this with your stuff,” Jack said, looking over his shoulder with a frown.  “You need to haul less around.  You can put all your writing and recording stuff in your side pockets.  Let your legs do the work.”

Daniel stopped walking and Sam almost ran into him.  He let Jack get far enough ahead before he said to Sam and Teal’c, “You’re right.  He’s changed.”

“Told you.”

“Right,” Daniel said, and didn’t hide the sarcasm.  “We’ll see how much.”  He felt guilty, letting Sam and Teal’c see his distrust and anger, but he’d never really been good at subterfuge.

 

Jack checked in with Wallingford and Forrester, to see if the security perimeter had been established.  They hadn’t liked it; said it was unnecessary.  He secretly agreed, but until Waterman got back, he had his orders.  “Secure that site.”  Those were the orders Hammond had given him and Jack would see it done.  However, he was a lot nicer about it than he would have been in the past.  The sympathetic demeanor wasn’t forced or false.  He could place the result at Doctor Carmichael’s feet.  She’d gotten to some core issues and had made him see them differently.

Plus, he had had to do something about his behavior or go back into retirement, and this time, against his will.  He might have even gotten a cut in his pension.  He couldn’t afford that.  Hammond hadn’t said as much but Jack could read between the lines.  After thirty years, it was easy.  Being forced into clearing things up in his head hadn’t been hard compared to what he now realized he could lose.  The only issue now was to make sure that no one thought he was a pushover.  Sure, get in touch with his feelings.  Piece of … well, iron cake.  But if anyone doubted his ability to get things done, they’d be in for one damn rude awakening.

Carter came toward him and reported that no other devices were found, but that the jungle on some of the islands was too thick to get through.  Daniel had found his device by hacking away at the jungle until he found it.  “The odds are likely that something else is being hidden, sir.”

Jack had to agree.  “Okay.  Let’s get …”  His voice faded as he looked around.  “Where’s Daniel?”

“He returned to the third island, O’Neill,” Teal’c told him.

Jack made a growling sound.  “For cryin’ out loud.”  He turned and headed for the lagoon where their Zodiacs were tied.

“Sir, where are you going?” Sam asked, worried.

“To get him the hell away from that goddamn device.”

Sam exchanged worried glances with Teal’c.  “Sir, that’s not a good—”

Jack turned, then visibly calmed, lowering his voice.  “Relax, Carter.  I’m going to play nice.  You two …”  He waved a hand.  “Keep an eye.”

As he got down into one of the boats, Teal’c told Sam, “’Keep an eye.’  Your world has strange expressions.”

She pursed her lips for a second.  “Yep, it does.”  She abruptly turned away.  “Let’s go find that buffet that Portman told us about.”

 

Jack parked the Zodiac and climbed onto the island, bypassing the bridge.  He hiked up the side and came out onto the level ground that surrounded the obelisk.  He brushed the dirt from his calves as he walked forward, looking around.  The tarp was still over the object, thank god.

“Daniel?” he called out.

“What?” Daniel said, standing up.  He was behind the object.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Reading these standing stones.  Or trying to.”  He looked back warily.  “What’re you doin’?”

“I’ve come to take you back to the main island.  No one’s hanging around this device until we have the proper uniforms.  Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“No but … I’m fine.”  He looked around him.  “Look.  No alien tech to assault me.”

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t any,” Jack said, reaching him.  “C’mon.  Pack it up and let’s go.”

Daniel stared at him, anger climbing rapidly.  “Excuse me, but you don’t have the authority to order me around anymore.”

“I never …” Jack began, but stopped.  “I’m in charge for the time being so I do have the authority.  We’re not staying here until we have the right protection.”  He made a flourish with his arm and pointed back at the boat.  “We’ll come back when we’re better prepared.”

Daniel took a few steps back.  “Forget it.”

Jack stared at him and folded his arms over his P90.  “Okay,” he drawled, taking in a deep breath as he recalled some of his lessons.  “I know you want to keep studying this stuff, but Hammond has ordered us to stay away until we can protect ourselves.  I’m not trying to force you to do anything.”

Daniel took another step back.  He heard a faint crack and looked down.  There were old flat surfacing stones under his feet.  “Hello,” he said, completely forgetting about Jack, and ducked out of sight as he knelt down.

“Daniel?” Jack asked, startled.  “Goddammit.”  He went around the object to find Daniel on one knee, brushing at something.  “I’m serious,” he said more gently.  “We don’t know what other kind of traps or tech is around here.”

“No, and that’s why I’m trying to read this stuff,” Daniel said, holding a hand out at the standing stone in front of him.  “See those hash marks?”

“Yeah,” Jack said, looking.  “So?”

“They’re on all the stones surrounding this obelisk.  I think that if I can decipher them, I can find out what this obelisk is used for.  That will tell us what we have to look for.”  He noticed Jack wasn’t buying it and his rational voice told him to play nice.  “Just give a sec, okay?”

“Why didn’t you video tape it like all the other stuff?”

“I ran out of tape and my phone needs charging or I’d have used the camera.”

“You have a camera?”

“Uh, yeah,” Daniel said, as if it was common knowledge.  “Anyway, I was planning on going back for more tape.  In the meantime …”  He held up his notebook and revealed a few pages with a charcoal rubbing of hash marks.

“Where’d you get the charcoal?”

“I made it.”

Jack blinked.   “You did?”

“Yeah, it’s easy when you know how.  It’s not pure charcoal but it was good enough.”

“Oy,” Jack said, taking a step back.  Something else cracked, more audibly this time.  He looked at the ground, startled.  “What was that?”

“Paving stones, I think.”

“You think?”

“I’m sure,” Daniel said absently as he wiped away more jungle detritus.  He found a grey stone darker than the bridge material.  “Huh.”

“What?”

“I’d been wondering why there weren’t any paved roads or walkways, given the construction of the rest of this place.”

Jack frowned slightly.  “Yeah, I was wondering about that myself.”

“Well, this might be the answer,” Daniel said, and held up a broken piece of stone.  “It’s not weather resistant like the rest of this architecture.”  He waved the piece at the ground outside the obelisk and under their feet.  “I’ll bet if we dug down, we’d find more bits and pieces.”

Jack nodded, and while most of his mind told him he didn’t really care, he ordered himself to try, not just for Daniel’s sake but for his own.  Maybe there was something to be gained while having this conversation, both for his own good and his less than altruistic motives.  He couldn’t really fake interest, but he could be genuine about listening.  Baby steps.

“So … your point being?” he asked.  Daniel looked up at him and frowned and Jack held up his partially gloved hands.  “Not being sarcastic.  I’m being sincere.”  Daniel frowned at him in confusion and Jack had to admit that he liked the look.  Catching Daniel flat-footed was always fun.  When there was no harm in it.  He turned and put out a foot, wiping the ground with his booted toe.  “There’s a little bit of that stuff over here, too.”  He took a step and froze when a louder crack shuddered under his foot.  “Uh, Daniel?” he began.

“What?” Daniel began, but the word wasn’t finished when the ground gave way and Jack started to fall.

“Jack!” Daniel shouted, panicking, and started forward to grab his hand, but the ground broke up under his own feet and they both began to slide downward at an angle.  “Oh shit!” he said, then screamed and cussed up a storm when a branch hit his injured shoulder.  Leaves and twigs and bigger branches hit them on their way down, down, down.  Then suddenly they were free of it … and falling in mid-air.

Daniel spotted turquoise-blue water below and he prayed it would be deep enough not to cause them to hit bottom and kill themselves.  Then he began to panic as he realized he wouldn’t be able to swim with both arms.

“Point your feet!” Jack shouted, as he threw his arms up and pointed his toes as well as he could so that he’d hit the water with less surface tension, decreasing the chances of breaking something.  Especially his neck.

Daniel did so, but shouted back, “Sling!” just before hitting the water.  He sank perhaps thirty feet as his pain center was assaulted, radiating from his wound.  He held his breath as he waited to bob back to the surface but his clothes were heavy and the combat boots were deadly.  Jack had both arms at his disposal, so he could easily swim up to the surface, but Daniel didn’t.  He tried but couldn’t move well with his arm tied to his side.  He wasn’t just wearing a sling.  The wrap was to keep upper body from pulling and twisting.  That was in the toilet.

Then strong hands had a hold of him and Daniel kicked with all of his leg strength, trying to help.  It seemed to take forever and they both sucked in much needed air when they broke the surface.  Jack wasn’t quitting however, and he had a hold of Daniel’s right arm and shoulder as he got them to solid ground.

After dragging through green bushes along the edge, they found flat earth under an overhang of long vines.  Daniel looked around, panting, and dropped onto his back, but his shoulder wasn’t having it and he rolling onto his right side.  He looked up and around.

“Holy shit.  This is a cenote.”

“A cenote?” Jack asked, quickly untying his boots.

“You know.  Like the ones in the Yucatan Peninsula.  Leftovers from when that meteor hit sixty-five million years ago and killed off the dinosaurs.  Ancient Maya used them for worshipping and sacrifice.  Now they just use them for healing and prayer.”

“Bit of a difference,” Jack said dryly.

“A bit,” Daniel agreed and couldn’t help the brief but genuine grin.

“What I’m more interested in is if these radios work,” Jack went on.  “And if there’s a way out.”  He keyed the mic.  “This is O’Neill.  Can anyone read? Over.”  A crackling answer came back but it was garbled.  “Say again?  Over.”

“W… are ..ou?”

“Obelisk.  Hole in the ground.  Over.”

Daniel grimaced as he set his boots aside and tried to get out of his fatigue shirt but the sling prevented it.  He spotted some large boulders in the sun and got up ungainly and walked over to sit on it.  It shouldn’t take too long to dry out.  “It’s warm,” he told Jack and pointed his nose at the expanse of rock beside him.  “Come dry off.”

“I hope we’re not here that long,” Jack said as he walked over and set his boots down on the next boulder before sitting down next to Daniel.  He unraveled his mic and took the radio out from his shirt pocket, then laid his shirt in the sun.  Examining the radio, he sighed.  “This is useless.  We’re lucky we got any message out at all.”

Daniel snorted, looking around at the water.  “Yeah, lucky.”

He waved a hand upward.  “I’m gonna guess this is partly why the Furling left this place.  Too unstable.”

“Furling?” Jack asked.

Daniel frowned.  “I’m gonna guess that you didn’t ask questions and they didn’t supply unasked-for answers.”

Jack rolled his eyes.  “No.  I figured I’d read about it later.”  He waved a hand to indicate their surroundings.  “Figuring it all out isn’t my cup of tea.”  He paused.  “Although I did try it once,” he said, musing.

“When was that?” Daniel asked, surprised.

“When you were a glowy thing,” he said, waving his hand up and down at Daniel.  “Maybourne tricked me into opening this device and it beamed us both to this moon.”  He described the rest of that disastrous encounter by giving a thorough description of the puzzle plates.

Daniel blinked at him.  “Jack … that’s amazing.”  Jack gave him an unhappy look.  “No, I mean it.  That’s amazing.”

“Why?  For a luddite like me?”

Daniel looked away.  “You’re not a luddite.  You just like to pretend you are.  Case in point?  You just used the word ‘luddite’ instead of moron, dumbass, dipshit, idiot, stupid—”

“Got it.”

Daniel frowned at him.  “I don’t see the point.  How often do you get a chance to pretend to be a dumbass and yet outsmart someone and gloat?”

“Two words,” Jack said, holding up two fingers.  “Robert Makepeace.”

Daniel nodded slightly and didn’t respond.  It might have revealed a shake of anger in his voice.  He remembered that incident.  And the acting Jack had done that had driven a wedge between them for a while.  But Daniel’s anger had included Thor, the Tollan, and Hammond, and then stubbornly re-included Jack because he should have figured out a way to tell him what was going on.

He closed his eyes, trying to let it go.  Jack, seeing a psychoanalyst.  He wasn’t the only one who needed to.  He himself held a lot of anger and resentment and meditating with Teal’c wasn’t really taking care of it.

“Penny,” Jack said.  He had turned around on the slab and had a handful of pebbles that he was casually tossing in the water.

Daniel frowned, disturbed that he hadn’t noticed that Jack had moved.  He copied him, but without the pebbles.  He was satisfied to simply watch the water.  It was still recovering from the disturbance from above and the waves were barely noticeable as they rolled out of existence to become part of the still surface again.

He wondered how to respond to Jack’s non-question.  He looked over to catch his former friend’s attention and found Jack returning his gaze with absolutely no hate and loathing in his eyes.  Sam and Teal’c were right.  But when you get brow-beat enough times, it’s hard not to expect to get hit.  He had to hold judgment and wait and see.  But maybe that wasn’t such a good idea right now.  His shoulder hurt like a motherfucker and pain made people do and say stupid things.

“Got any aspirin?” he asked, trying out a grin.  It faded quickly.

Jack winced.  “They should get us out soon—”  When Daniel gave him a look, he finished with, “—ish.”

Daniel smiled a little.  “So.”

“So.”

“Sam and Teal’c said you’ve been seeing a therapist.”

“A psychoanalyst,” Jack corrected.  “Therapist sounds like I was going to a spa.”

Daniel could only move his lips to a half smile as the pain radiated upward and his head began to pound.  “Can I ask …”  Abruptly, he suddenly began to laugh.  It was painful, but it wouldn’t stop.  Jack’s scowl let him get control and he braced himself for the incoming earful.  Therapy, my ass.

Jack got up, throwing pebbles angrily.  He turned toward Daniel, intending to say something, but he shut his mouth and threw more pebbles instead.  He did this a few times and each and every time, Daniel expected the tirade to start, and each and every time he’d been surprised when nothing happened.  Finally, he said, “I’m sorry.”

“That was mean,” Jack said between clenched teeth.

“Yes, it was.  And I’m sorry.”  Saying it twice relaxed Jack’s shoulders and Daniel watched the anger disappear like the water from a hot stone.  The analogy was apt since he was sitting on one.  “You’ve changed,” he said, then grimaced and closed his eyes.

“Yeah, I have,” Jack said, frowning.  “Why does that bother you?”

“It isn’t you,” he said, breath leaving him.  When Jack asked him what was wrong, Daniel could only shake his head.  Jack got up to examine his shoulder and found it was bleeding again, and much worse than it should have been.

“You’ve ripped the sub-sutures, I think.”  Daniel said nothing, and kept his eyes shut while he went through a series of deep breathing that Teal’c had taught him would help with pain.  It sort of worked, but all Daniel wanted to do was scream curses.

“It won’t be too much longer,” Jack told him, and he suddenly heard the sound of an engine.  He stood up and shaded his eyes just as a UAV flew over.  “See, what did I tell you?” he cried joyously.  When he looked down, he found Daniel slumping sideways, unconscious, and caught him just before he fell into the water.

 

 

Chapter Four: Love Alive

 

Daniel woke up to find Jack sitting in the chair beside his bed.  He was reading a magazine.  He looked beautiful, Daniel thought, and knew the drugs he was on were pretty damn powerful if he was thinking crazy shit like that.  But it was true, nonetheless.

“Hey,” he croaked.

Jack looked up sharply and got to his feet.  “Hey!”  He held up a finger.  “Be right back.”  Jack left the room and while he was gone, Daniel found that he was in a real hospital room.  Holy shit.

Jack returned with Janet, who hurried over, a look of relief on her face.  “Hey,” she said, looking into his eyes to study them.  She pulled out a penlight and did the annoying flick.  “How do you feel?”

“Groggy.  Thirsty.  And really hungry.”

“I’m not surprised.  You’ve been out of it for forty-eight hours.”

He blinked and looked at Jack, who nodded.  “What happened?” he asked slowly, then horror filled him as he reached over to touch his left arm.  It was still there.  He let out a sigh of terrorized relief.

“You were in surgery for half that,” Jack said.

Janet gave him a chiding look.  “Hardly.”

“It felt like it.”

“What happened?” Daniel repeated, but he enunciated the vowels this time.  It was like talking through molasses.  “Water.”  Janet held the cup for him while he swallowed.  She took it away despite the fact that he wanted more.  He would have whined about dehydration if he hadn’t had an I.V. in his arm.

“Your brachial artery had a tear,” Janet informed him.  “It took a while to repair it.  And whether you’ll recover the use of your arm will depend on the next few days.”

Daniel’s eyes widened.  “What?” he asked, shocked.

“The fall did it,” Jack said, giving Daniel a grim smile.  “So, not that lucky after all.”

“I guess not,” Daniel said softly.  He said with equal softness, “My arm feels fine, Janet.”

Her brows went up and she pulled out a nerve tester pinwheel and took his left hand.  She ran him through the standard sensitivity tests and when he passed, she breathed a sigh of relief.  “I’d say you were lucky after all.”  She patted his hand and said, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Jack sat back down and leaned forward on his knees.  “You scared the shit out of me.  Please don’t do that again.  My heart can only take so much.”  Daniel’s mouth dropped open.  He was speechless.  It made Jack grin.  “Yeah, I know, shocker, but it is what it is.”

“What does that mean?” Daniel asked, his mind unable to process.

Jack got to his feet and leaned over to brush Daniel’s hair from his forehead.  He bent closer and whispered, “It means I love you.”

Daniel felt his eyes grow hot and a tear gathered in the outer corner of his right one and stuck in the lashes.  He reached up and brushed it away with annoyance.  He hated crying.  It was something that made him feel weak.  How old had he been when he’d learned that?  His thoughts were straying so he tried to focus on the here and now.

Jack kept his gaze and continued to stroke his hair.  He could tell when the man lost focus for a minute and wondered what he was thinking.  For a moment, a bit of panic filled him.

“I love you, too,” Daniel whispered.  “I tried not to.  I tried to hate you.  But I couldn’t, and it hurt, Jack.  It really hurt.”

Jack’s eyes filled with equal emotion.  “I know.”  He added more slowly, “I’m sorry.  And it won’t happen again.  I won’t allow it.”

Daniel detected something in Jack’s face.  Fear.  “What’s wrong?”

Jack swallowed.  “You know the last time I cried?  I mean, really cried?”

Puzzled and concerned, he shook his head.  “Charlie?” he guessed.

Jack shook his head and swallowed again.  Hard.  It was audible.

“Jack?  What’s—”

“It was twelve hours ago.”

“What?” Daniel asked in a small voice.  “Why?  What happened?”  Daniel started to push up but froze when Jack said three other words.

“You almost died.”

“I … what?”

“Again.”  Jack then spoke haltingly, cussing more than he normally did.  His tone clearly displayed his panic.  “It was bad.  Your fucking heart stopped on the table.  It took almost two goddamn minutes to get you back.  When Fraiser came out to tell us you made it through, she told us what had almost happened.”  He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “I … went into the bathroom and … I had to hide my face, even though no one else was in there.  I demanded that … whoever the fucking hell is running this … goddamn show stop … to stop fucking with your life … I just … I really … can’t … take another …”  He took a deep breath, eyes still closed.  “I need you to stop dying, you wonderfully stubborn, incautious, maddening shit.”

Daniel’s chest suddenly hurt, filled with the shock from Jack’s words.  He hated the sadness and fear in that face and reached up to take Jack’s hand from his eyes.  When Jack opened them, they were blurred with tears.  Daniel croaked through his dry, raspy throat, “Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jack O’Neill?”

Jack remembered Daniel asking that same sarcastic question back when this whole catastrophe began.  He reached up and brushed his cheek with the back of his fingers, earning a wide-eyed look.

“He’s right here in front of you,” Jack said softly.  “Finally.”

Chrysalis 4: Together We

J/D, Explicit, 20,756 words

Summary:  Daniel’s better.  Now what?  That first kiss is a lot harder to get than it should be.

Note:  Quote is from Jim Croce’s “Time in a Bottle”.

---

If I had a box just for wishes

And dreams that had never come true

The box would be empty

Except for the memory

Of how they were answered by you

---

 

Chapter One: Obstacles

Three months later …

While Daniel underwent a painful physical therapy, Jack couldn’t be there to coach and support.  He wanted to be, but that wasn’t the way the world worked.  He was leader of SG-1 and he, Carter, and Teal’c had to continue with their jobs.  Jack didn’t really mind.  He found himself looking forward to missions rather than being grumpy about all the downsides.  This was another benefit from his sessions with Doctor Carmichael.

He had been preparing himself for Daniel’s interrogation—okay, overreaction—about the things he’d learned in therapy, but to Jack’s private chagrin, his friend hadn’t even asked.  Daniel had, instead, been more interested in Jack’s current thought process.  Were they now friends again?  Was it up to Jack to determine that?  What if they were destined to stay acquaintances only?  The answer to that had been a gruff refusal to consider it and Jack had been happy to see that Daniel had instantly agreed.

“I was just putting it out there, Jack.  We have to consider all angles, no matter how difficult.”

It had been a week after the surgery and they’d been on a very soft mat in the physical therapy room.  All Daniel was supposed to do was gently move and roll.  To ease the tension-filled muscles that attached themselves to the muscles that were part of the scapula.  It was hard because the pectoral muscles were a big part of that and the damage was hideous.

The entire upper left side of Daniel’s body was one big, ugly, blue and purple bruise.  It traveled from the top three ribs to the sternum, then up across the clavicle and over the top of his arm.  It then spread over the shoulder and turned a sick yellow over the trapezius.  Every time Jack saw him without a shirt, he’d wince.

One week, Daniel’s physical therapist, Staff Sergeant James Han, had used nothing but massage and acupuncture.  Fortunately, Jack was gone for most of that.  SG-1 had gone on a few missions in just one week.  The first had been to a world where an Ancients’ device had supposedly been located but it had been destroyed by a volcanic eruption.  Still, they’d scouted the lava field to see if anything could’ve been salvaged for examination.  The second destination had led them to a planet similar to the one that held that Naquada-encrusted quantum mirror.  They’d brought back tech that they hoped would prove useful, but they had no idea what it was or what it was used for.

The third destination had landed them in the middle of a festival, which included the stargate.  To say the people had been stunned was an understatement.  They would have returned to the SGC immediately if the inhabitants hadn’t been wearing jewelry made out of trinium and naquada.  The rainbow sheen on the silver and the blue sheen on the dark metal had been the tell-tale giveaways.  And, of course, they had needed a linguist, anthropologist, and sociologist.  In other words, Daniel.

Two linguists had been tried, but none of them seemed to grasp the indigenous people’s mode of speech.  It had been highly difficult to determine.  Jack had simply given up and called Hammond to get Daniel on a video conference.  A replay of the attempt by the other linguists had Daniel grumbling under his breath.

“No, it’s not ‘hammer’, it’s ‘staff weapon’.”

“No, it’s not ‘mouth’, it’s ‘talk’.”

And finally, “General, can I—”

“No.”

Daniel had complained to James all that week until he finally remembered someone worth using on SG-1.  Doctor Valorie Barnes.  She had been stationed at Area 51.  Hammond had her transferred immediately, and Jack had nicknamed her ‘Daniel 2.0’ because she had basically been Daniel’s female version.

“She’s pretty damn good, Daniel.  You know what this means, right?”

“I’m permanently replaced?” Daniel asked as he got himself some coffee.  They had been in the mess hall and he was having lunch with his former teammates.

“Oh hell no,” Jack said, waving a hand.  “That SG-6 can have her and we can get you back.”

“It doesn’t work that way, sir,” Carter had reminded him, and Jack had given her a hard look.

“She’s right,” Daniel said.  “I’m the one who has to ask, not you.  Civilian.  He can fire me and assign me wherever he wants, but General Hammond put me with SG-6 because of a request I made.  Now I have to prove to him that you and I aren’t on the outs anymore and that it’ll stay that way.”

“Aren’t I half of that equation?” Jack asked with a bit of sarcasm.

He had most certainly been, but Daniel hadn’t wanted to discuss it in front of Sam and Teal’c and he’d avoided the subject ever since.  Jack had persevered but eventually gave up.  He’d try again later.

 

Week Twelve

 

Jack was finishing up his meeting with Hammond when he paused at the door.  “Sir, would it be possible to set a meeting with Daniel?”

“For what purpose?” Hammond asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

“To get him back on the team.”

Hammond sighed and got to his feet.  “Jack, I get it.  But it has to be Doctor Jackson’s request.  You know that.”

It was a direct replay of what Carter had told him.  At least Daniel was healing well.  The bruises were turning that weird color between green and yellow.  At least looking at them didn’t make you cringe.  Cringing, Looking, and Daniel.  Those three words did not belong together.

 

“Will you just leave it!” Daniel said, exhausted.  “I’m so done.”  He got up from the exercise mat in the infirmary’s physical therapy room and grabbed a towel from a nearby rack.

Jack set the small barbell down on the rack with the others, grinning.  “Okay, okay.  You finished the reps anyway.”

Daniel glared at him.  “Remind me again who assigned you as my physical therapist?”  He turned to his real therapist, whose name was James Han.  A civilian.  “Thanks for putting up with him, James.”

“I believe we’re done,” the man said, glancing at Jack.  “This was your last weekly visit.  Make one more appointment a month from now.  Your muscles are nearly healed.  All you have to do now are the exercises I printed out for you, which you can do on your own.  And still no heavy lifting for another month.  I’ve already given my report to Hammond.”  He paused, giving a flicker of a glance in Jack’s direction, to let Daniel know that last part had been meant for Jack’s ears.  “If you go offworld, be careful.”

Daniel nodded.  “Understood.  Thanks for your help.  And for putting up with the peanut gallery.”

“No problem.”

Daniel walked out of the room and headed for SG-1’s locker room.  Jack was on his heels.

“You know what this means, right?” Jack asked as they rode the elevator to Level 17.

“That you can stop torturing me?” Daniel asked, getting out.

“What?  Torturing you?”

“It was rhetorical, Jack,” Daniel said as he entered the locker room.  He went straight to his locker and grabbed his coat.

“You’re not taking a shower?” Jack asked, knowing damn well Daniel wasn’t.

“And have you stalk me in there, too?  No thanks.”

Jack opened his mouth to say something sarcastic but the phone rang.

“Saved by the bell,” Daniel quipped.

“O’Neill,” Jack said, answering the phone.  It was Hammond.  “Yes, sir.”  Turning to Daniel as he hung up, he said, “Gotta go see The Man.”

“Awww,” Daniel said, and left, leaving Jack behind him.

“You too, smart ass.”

Daniel turned around and blinked at him.  He looked down at his gym sweats.  “Like this?”

“Yep,” Jack said.  “Let’s go.”  He put on the serious but confused face.  This was one time where his acting would result in something good.  Hopefully.

 

By the time they got to Hammond’s office, Daniel knew something was up.  After three-plus more years of learning Jack’s behavior, messed up as it was, he could tell his moods and when he was covering them up.  Jack was in a cheerful one but trying to act worried.

It was the little giveaways that barely anyone else would have noticed.  What was the poker phrase?  Tells.  Like the way he tapped his right pinkie with his thumb:  Anticipation.  Shaking his hand as if it went to sleep:  Nervousness.  Examining inanimate objects as if they were interesting when they weren’t: covering up a need to whoop and holler for some sort of celebration.  At the moment, Jack was examining the elevator panel.

Daniel was tempted to blow this charade out of the water, but he decided to see how and where Jack was going with it.  A part of him wanted to be mad, but he just couldn’t summon the strength.  He was damn tired.  If that had been Jack’s aim, to tire him out and therefore try to soften him up, for whatever reason, it just might blow up in his face.

Daniel had a feeling that this meeting was a set-up and not by Hammond.  The last time that had been done over Hammond’s head, it had been by Frank Simmons of the NID who’d spied on Sam.  That had been the last damn time the NID had had any control over Hammond’s people.  He’d been so mad and Daniel had been glad it hadn’t been directed at him.  Of course, why would it have been?

However.  And wasn’t there always a ‘however’?  There were times when Hammond’s faith in him had been non-existent.  He shouldn’t take it personally because the man had a stressful job, but sometimes, it was the unanswered questions that stayed with him.  For example, his behavior after that damn chemical addiction on that Goa’uld planet.  The one with the light.  He’d been so out of his mind, needing to go back, and he’d snapped at Hammond, who’d snapped back.  But why hadn’t Hammond noticed that he was acting off?  Why hadn’t Jack?  Sam or Teal’c?

A sense of isolation and loneliness hit him, and Daniel had to push it away and lock it back up in the box marked, “Unresolved But Let It Go”.  It was just another example of how much farther he had to go in order to put the right things away and settle the others.  It was a double-column list of grievances that he had to decide to let go.  If Jack was truly ‘mended’, then perhaps he’d be receptive to clearing Daniel’s box of nonsense.

Unfortunately, that incident regarding his outbursts and the near suicide was one of the foundational reasons for his belief that he didn’t really matter.  He’d say, “Anyone can do my job” and he’d get instant denials, but whenever he’d acted out of character, no one blinked.  Was it because others had done the same thing and it was part and parcel for working here?  He really had to let this go for two good reasons:  One, it would fester and materialize in nasty ways, and Two, his mind had to heal along with his body.

He was at the door now, standing behind Jack and he took several steps back and to the side.  He’d damn near run into Jack during his introspection.

“Come,” Hammond said in response to the knock.

“General,” Jack greeted, then gave Daniel a look that meant ‘follow’.  It was an oft-used look.  Sometimes, Daniel wanted to pretend he didn’t understand just to see what Jack would do, but that wouldn’t fly.  Jack would know.  Had they always had that sort of understanding and communication?  No, of course not.  It had developed through experience.

Daniel sat down in a chair next to Jack, noting that it was the same chair he’d chosen a year ago, back at the beginning of this … mess.

“General, I’d like Daniel to be reinstated as a member of SG-1.”

Daniel turned to look at him, to argue, but he realized that he should have done that back in the elevator.  He’d known damn well what Jack had in mind.  He had no business getting upset, despite the inner demon telling him to pick a fight.

“Are you requesting this, Doctor Jackson?” Hammond asked him pointedly.

Daniel opened his mouth, but nothing would come out.  Too many words in his head to choose from.  Jack gave him a mixed look of surprise and expectation.

“Oh shut up,” Daniel blurted at Jack.  Hammonds eyes went round.  “Sorry, Sorry,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing.  “I’ve had a hard day, sir.  Yes, you could say it’s my request.”  He pointedly looked at Jack.  “I just hadn’t really meant to do it this soon.  I was gonna wait until I was fully healthy.”

Hammond gave Jack an annoyed look.  “Colonel?”

“I know what you’re gonna say, General, and normally, I’d agree with you, but I really, really need Daniel back on the team.”

Hammond turned thoughtful and folded his hands.  “I’m going to need a lot more than that.  From both of you.  Has the situation improved?”

Jack’s brows shot up.  “Hasn’t Doctor Carmichael talked to you?”

“Yes, she has.”  He turned his attention to Daniel.  “She said you’ve made remarkable progress.  As for the Colonel’s request, it can’t come from him.”  Back to Jack.  “You need to remember why Doctor Jackson requested reassignment.  Has the situation changed?”  He looked at them both inquisitively.  “Well?”

Daniel had to cut off this meeting.  He and Jack needed to talk and talk openly and honestly and just get it all out in the open.  As a teammate, and as Jack’s friend.  He gave Jack an apologetic half-smile.  “I’m sorry, Jack, but it’s not time yet.”

“What?” Jack said, surprised.

“We can talk about it and then take up the General’s time.”

Hammond stood up and gestured at the door.  “I’m always here, Doctor Jackson.  Next time, make sure you and Colonel O’Neill are on the same page.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought we were,” Jack said, frowning at Daniel.

 

The moment the elevator doors closed, Jack rounded on Daniel.  “What the hell was that?” he spat.

Daniel narrowed his eyes.  “You need to walk that back right now.”

Jack blinked, opened his mouth, shut it, and looked pensive.  He’d relapsed right then and there and the danger signal from Daniel was all it took to back down.  He’s goddamn lucky that Daniel didn’t stop the elevator and get out, ending their future together right then and there.

Jack took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry.  I just thought we were on the same page.”

Daniel shook his head.  “It’s well past time to have a long talk, Jack.  Your place or mine?”

Jack rocked back on his heels.  He’d been caught fully flat-footed.  “A talk?”

“About us.  Tonight.  Your place or mine?”

Jack stared at him, thoughts running amok.  “Mine.  I can grill something.”

“Whatever you like,” Daniel said as the doors opened on Level 18.  “I’ll see you at …”  He looked at his watch.  “Seven?  Eight?”

“Split the difference,” Jack said, frowning with confusion.  “Seven-thirty.”

 

 

Chapter Two: Smoke and Fire

 

Daniel was nervous.  He rehearsed everything he had to say while he was getting ready.  He stood naked in front of the mirror and if it weren’t for the discoloration, he’d appear perfectly normal.  This was going to be painful for both of them and either their friendship survived, or it didn’t.

It wasn’t going to be about who hurt whose feelings.  As he’d taken a long shower, he’d mulled it over in his head a thousand times and the most important questions were always, “Can I leave all that hurt behind?  Do I skip going over it with Jack?  Why the hell would I want to do that?  What is the issue?”

The answer, of course, was Daniel’s irrational, dysfunctional need to pick at emotional scars.  To rehash everything, to rip off those scabs and open those wounds, would serve no useful purpose.  Maybe once in a while they could talk about them when their relationship wasn’t on the line.  It would be cold counsel and a proper, rational examination.  So, final decision?

As he dried off, Daniel decided that, no, ripping off all those scabs was a method of attack, to inflict the pain he’d gone through.  It was long past time to leave it behind, no matter how tonight ended.  The only thing he couldn’t leave behind was Jack’s feelings for Sam.  That had to be addressed and it had to end.  Jack would have to choose.

Even with the tummy rumblings of doubt and anxiety, he still took time to figure out what to wear.  He pulled dark blue denim jeans over the boxers he had to put on because he’d forgotten to do laundry.  He put on a forest green button-down, short-sleeved shirt and frowned at the white tank underneath.  He took that off and put the shirt back on.

Daniel considered wearing his glasses but decided that if things went well, they would get in the way.  He really hated it when something went wrong in a first kiss scenario.  Like bumping his glasses off his face.  And if things went that well, a First Kiss would be an apt description since they were, he hoped, starting anew.

 

Jack was nervous.  By seven o’clock, his hands frequently went from dry to sweaty and back.  It was starting to piss him off and he had to admit that he was afraid just a bit.  They should have had the talk long before now and despite having cleared a bunch of emotional hurdles to get here, he was unsure how to start.  He had a pretty good idea of what needed saying, but it was still going to feel like pulling barbs out of your skin after falling in a cactus bush.  Or maybe jumping into one.  He had to make sure he had the first aid kit version of answers and the right things to say.  To feel.

Jack unknowingly performed the same ritual for clothing choices as Daniel.  He debated which short-sleeve shirt to wear, and whether to leave the undershirt on.  Then khaki cargos or jeans?  If he was honest, the cargo pants really needed to go in the trash heap, since he wanted to be desirable.  But no, there were the times he just wanted to be more than comfortable.  He needed to relax, but that would be impossible to night.  He chose jeans with a dark shirt and no tee.  Like Daniel.

 

Jack heard the car door shut, dropped the pot holder in the sink, and ran to the front door.  He had to get there and open it before Daniel did the formal thing and knocked.  A long while back … and it felt like ages … Daniel would knock, then open the door and call out.  During their brief time together, that greeting had been a balm.  The tension of the day would drain out of him at the sound of Daniel’s voice, calling out.  Had it ever occurred to Carter and Teal’c that whenever they’d arrived with him for a team night, Daniel had used his key?

The only time during their relationship where Daniel hadn’t opened the door after a knock had been he’d come to see him after Jack had been forced into retirement—as a scam.  That had been so damn hard, to lie to him.  The words he’d said at the end had unmoored something inside and left him floating, adrift.  It had almost split them apart, but if he was honest, that might have been the beginning of the end for them.  But now things were back on track, hopefully, and the last thing he wanted was a formal knock.  He swung the door open just as Daniel was approaching the front stoop and relief colored his cheeks.

“Hey,” he panted, hating that he sounded like he’d run to the door.  Because he had.  Of course, being nervous added extra air to talking even though he was in fairly good shape and a dash at the door shouldn’t have …  Jack blinked as he caught himself wool-gathering.

“Hey,” Daniel said, staring at him.  Jack was in faded jeans and a brick red shirt and for some stupid reason, the scar on his shoulder hurt.  It had to be the adrenaline.  And Jack looking edible.  It was fair.  And he was nervous.  He held out a paper sack and Jack took it with an upraised brow.  “JD,” Daniel clarified.  Jack cracked that crooked grin of his and it sent a wave of warmth through Daniel’s body.  It settled somewhere below his navel.  He ordered himself to stop it.  That sort of thing was not going to help.

“Come in and make yourself at home,” Jack said out of habit.  “Soda water or coke?” he asked, raising the bottle as Daniel hung up his coat.

“Soda and ice.”

He followed Jack into the kitchen, unwilling to sit in the living room by himself and shout back and forth.  They used to do that.  He’d be on the couch, studying the chessboard while a football game played in the background and Jack would be finishing dinner.  Then they’d eat, play chess, talk, and then go to bed.  Sex had almost always followed and at the beginning, when they’d been learning what the other liked, there had been that air of awkwardness.  He felt it again now, only it came with hindsight.

“Can I help with anything?” he asked, stopping at the dining table.  It had two place settings.  There was a Village Candle pillar burning in the center.  Balsam Fir.  It smelled like Christmas.  Jack had been watching him, a curious grin on his face.  When Daniel looked up, he cocked that grin again.  The crooked one.  Daniel felt the back of his thighs tingle.  Sense memory.

“I wasn’t in the mood to cook,” Jack said, spinning a pot holder by its loop.  He opened the oven with a flourish of his free hand.  On a cookie were several containers of Chinese food.  Daniel blinked and his stomach growled.  Jack grinned.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“All of them?”

“Ginger, Orange, Mongolian, and Sweet and Sour.  Plus the usual rice, chow mein, and crispy noodles.”

“From that place that—”

“Yep.”

“Awesome,” Daniel said, and helped Jack set silicone pads on the table for the cartons to sit on.  Large spoons followed, then iced water.  “Hey, did you—”

“Fridge,” Jack said.  Daniel opened it to grab the soy sauce.  He grinned and pulled out his chair.  Jack cleared his throat and said, “Here.”  He held out a long, narrow grey cloth with a string closure.

Daniel stared at it, dumbfounded.  He looked into Jack’s eyes and saw emotion there.  “You kept them?”

“They’re yours.  You know I don’t like using them.”

Daniel pulled the end of the bag open and tipped out a pair of chopsticks.  They were made of bamboo with a black lacquer and red Chinese characters that meant “Year of the Dragon.”  Daniel had gotten them in 1988, visiting San Francisco’s Chinatown.  He’d been there for his birthday.  They had great sentimental value and he’d forgotten all about them.

Jack moved around Daniel to sit down.  He got a good whiff of whatever body wash Daniel had used.  He smelled good.  Hell, he looked good.  Better, especially wearing jeans, although he looked a shade too thin.  It was odd, but it felt as if Jack hadn’t seen Daniel in several hours and not the two and a half that had gone by.  In the background, he had the stereo on low, playing soft classical.  It would serve any setting.  He only hoped that days, weeks, months, and years later, the music would have a fond memory attached to it.

“Daniel?”

Jack calling his name snapped him out of his shock and he sat down.  “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Daniel nearly inhaled one container of orange chicken and it sent an air of familiarity into the room.  Jack took a deep breath while he ate from his own carton of chow mein, sprinkled with crispy noodles.  He watched as Daniel expertly used the chopsticks and felt awkward, experiencing the need to talk during dinner.  He used to, back before they’d split up, but that hadn’t been awkward.  It was now because this evening was very important.

“Have you talked to anyone from SG-6 lately?” he asked.

Daniel nodded.  “Wallingford and Waterman.”

Jack snorted.  “Sounds like a law firm.”

Daniel grinned.  “Yeah, it does.  Anyway, Sonja said not to worry about coming back if I’m not ready.  I got the feeling she meant more than that.”

“Sonja?” Jack asked, cracking that smile again.  Daniel didn’t answer.  “On a first name basis with your team leader?”

“I was with you.”

“Not at first.”

“No.  You’re regular military.  Sonja isn’t.  She was awarded the rank after joining.”

Jack blanked at him.  “Wait.  She didn’t earn Lieutenant Colonel?”

“Oh, she earned it, but it’s academic.  It’s no different than getting the rank of Sergeant or Lieutenant because you went to college before joining up.  She had the skills they were looking for when it came to tech.  She’s been here for six years and now she’s leaving.”

“I haven’t heard too much about civilians earning a high rank when they join.  Are all the other civilians who joined the program like that?”

Daniel grinned.  “No.”

“You sure?”

Daniel grin widened.  “Yes.”

“How?  You know them?”

“I’m one of them,” Daniel said slowly.

Jack stared at him, confusion coloring his face.  “You’re not military.”

“No, but I recently learned that apparently my rank in the Office of Personnel Management equals yours.”

Jack’s brows skyrocketed.  “It does?”

Daniel wiped at his mouth with a napkin.  “I never knew that before.  Holly told me.”  Jack blinked.  “Sergeant Travers.”

“Huh.”  Jack considered that news for a few silent moments, then steered the conversation to more inane things like, “What’s Siler been doing with the generator lately?” and “Davis is finally getting leave.”

Sooner than expected, most of the food was gone and Jack got up to get the fortune cookies.  “You wanna talk at the table or in the living room?”

“Living room,” Daniel said, getting up.  “You wanna just leave all this here?”

“Yeah, it’ll keep.”

“Okay,” Daniel said, and his tone made Jack frown at him.

“What’s that mean?” he asked as they went into the living room.

“What’s what mean?” Daniel asked.  He stopped at the black leather sofa as Jack turned around and retrieved their cocktails.  When he came into the living room, he handed Daniel his drink and headed to his overstuffed chair.

“Wait,” Daniel said.

Jack paused halfway sitting down.  “What?” he asked, finishing.

“Would you sit over here, on the couch?”

“Why?”

“Because the last time we had a heart to heart, and it was fairly important, you sat in that chair and lied to me about how our friendship was over.”

“That was four years ago,” Jack said, frowning as he got up to sit at the other end of the sofa.  He put his back against the overstuffed arm.

“And I’m experiencing déjà vu.”

“Okay,” Jack said in a mollifying tone.  “So about that ‘okay’ thing.  You had a tone when you said it.”

“I did?” Daniel asked.  “I … sorry.  It didn’t mean anything.  It was one of those, ‘food’s gonna get dry but if that’s what you want, okay by me’ sort of thoughts when I said it.”

Jack paused as he sipped his drink.  “Oh.”  He considered Daniel’s lengthy answer.  “A lot when into that.”

Daniel sipped his drink and set it on the coaster on the coffee table.  “Yeah.  Um, it seems a lot of our conversations in the last few years have gone like that.”

“Like what?”

“I say something.  You don’t like the tone.  You say something.  I don’t like the tone.  And neither of us explains what we meant, so we don’t find out that we’ve just overreacted.  If you’ll pardon me for going psych 101, and I don’t mean to speak for you at all, but it’s like we had other things to say and purposely shot ourselves in the foot by not saying them.”

Jack nodded agreement.  “Okay.”  It was the same tone he used when he’d say, “Whatever.”

“Terse as always.”  Daniel had said it automatically because he was annoyed at the simple answer after he’d just given a long one.

“What did you expect me to say?” Jack asked, and his tone had a bit of chiding slipped in it.

Daniel stared at him, mouth open, stunned.  This was the old Jack, not the one who’d supposedly learned how to express himself.  “Okay,” he said, drawing out the word, and set his drink on the coffee table.  He wiped his palms on his thighs.  Every fiber told him to get up and leave.  This wasn’t going to work and he should have known better than to—Suddenly Jack got up and sat next to him, reaching over to grab his hand.  Daniel stared at him and he was abruptly back on Euronda, dialing the DHD, and Jack was grabbing his hand, to apologize for being a Grade A asshole.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said.  “I was—”

“Rude, short-sighted,” Daniel said, cutting him off.  “Déjà vu all over again.”  He got up.  “This isn’t going to work.”

“What?” Jack asked and shot to his feet.  “Why?  What’s happened?”

Daniel stared at him.  “You’re deliberately provoking me.  Why?”

Jack blinked and took a step back, then sat down and sighed deeply, closing his eyes.  “Sit down.  Let’s start again.”  Daniel stubbornly crossed his arms and stayed where he was.  Jack gestured at the space next to him.  “Please?”

Okay, that was different.  It was a request, not an order.  Daniel sat down, despite feeling the urge to flee.  Fight or flight.  The way things used to be had given him a very good reason to leave and he couldn’t shake it.  He didn’t want to listen to anything Jack had to say.  The food in his stomach started to flip.  He closed his eyes and cleared his throat.

“What do you want to do here?” he asked.  “What would you like to happen?”

“To be together.”

“But you’re acting like your old self.”

Jack made a face.  “I’m … embarrassed.”

Daniel blinked.  “Why?”

“Because I picked a fight and I think I did it because …”  He frowned.  “It’s better to push you away than to face getting rejected.”

Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed with exasperation.  “Talk to me.  I’m not asking for the moon here.  I won’t take off if you promise yourself right here and now to cut the crap.”

Jack took a deep breath and nodded.  “I promise.  And to your earlier point about saying things we should have said but didn’t?”

“Which then starts a fight and neither of us knows how to get past it.”

Jack nodded again.  “This started out because I got annoyed at your long-winded explanation about shooting ourselves in the foot.”

Daniel nodded.  “And you said ‘okay’, and in the same tone you use when you’re being dismissive.  That ‘whatever’ answer.”

Jack made a face.  “Yeah, I … I’m sorry.  I just didn’t know what else to say.  I agree with you, but part of me just … I purposely disrespected what you said because it made me feel stupid for not having come up with it myself.”

“Jack, this isn’t a competition.  There are no points for who comes up with the best response.”  He watched Jack’s jaw tighten.  “Okay, it’s time for me to apologize.”  Jack looked at him, surprised.  “My tone was argumentative and scolding.  I shouldn’t have done it.  It’s the automatic response from the old days.”  He rubbed his face.  “Let’s start over.”

“No, we have to sort this stuff out.”  He turned to him after setting his glass on the table.  “Look, I have a lot of work to do when it comes to sharing my feelings.  I know that.  I’m asking you for your patience.”

Daniel blinked at him, but his expression was kind.  “Thank you.”

Jack gave him a wan smile.  “So.  What would you like to ask?”

Daniel took a breath.  “Are you going to talk to me about the things you had to sort through with Carmichael?”

Jack took a deep breath.  “Yeah, I think I’d better.”

Daniel shook his head.  “You don’t have to if you don’t really want to.”

“Really?” Jack asked, surprised.

Daniel thought about it, then made a face.  “No, not really.”

“Then why say that?” Jack asked, and annoyance began to creep toward him like a slithering monster.  He didn’t want to be annoyed, dammit.

“Maybe because … it sort of felt right to, ah, give you the illusion of choice.”  Daniel grimaced and shook his head.  “It sounds like I’m trying to pick a fight and I swear I’m not.”

“What are you doing then?” Jack asked.

“We’re at cross-purposes,” he said.

“No we’re not.”

“Then tell me what you learned.  What’s different?  Why were you so angry at me all the time?”

Jack relaxed against the back of the sofa.  “I was hating myself for being bi.  So I took it out on you.  I’d deflect, and it’s apparently my favorite fallback position to avoid things I don’t want to feel.”

Daniel’s eyes widened a little.  “You definitely learned something. That sounds like psych speak.”

“It is psych speak.  Something I learned when it came to my bass-ackward methods in avoidance.  To escape talking about ‘my feelings’.”  He made air quotes.  “Also known as the macho way I feel about myself.  About people.  About things.”

“About us?” Daniel asked, venturing out there.

“Yeah.  And about that other thing,” Jack said, and his face felt warm.

Daniel shook his head.  “I’m not gonna guess.  What other thing?”

“My switch-hitting,” he said, and downed his drink.  When Daniel’s brows rose dramatically, Jack sighed.  “Bisexuality.”

“Better,” Daniel replied, but he was frowning.  “Have you discussed why you avoid using the term?”

Jack frowned, confused as he thought over his sessions.  “Actually, yeah.  I had a problem with saying it, but I got over it, so I don’t …”

“Ah.”

“Ah?”

“It’s me.  Saying it to me.”

Jack sat forward, hands between his knees and rolled his empty glass between his palms.  “Yeah.”  He made a face, as if fighting himself.  “I need to speak the things in my head and to do it without fear of rejection.”

“You know that wouldn’t happen with me.”

“You were just about to walk out of here.”

“Because you weren’t sharing.  It’s that whole shooting yourself in the foot thing again.”

Jack stared at him and blinked a few times, thinking.  “You’re right.”

“So what did you discover during the sessions?”

“Jesus, you sound like her,” Jack said, evading.

Daniel gave him an expectant look as he wiped at the water on his tumbler glass.  Jack raised his hand in acknowledgment and it was so surprising to Daniel that when he went to take a drink, he swallowed wrong and began coughing.  Jack leaned forward, showing concern, but Daniel held up a hand.

“I’m fine,” he rasped.  “Talk.”

Jack waited till Daniel returned to normal.  “She had me repeating, ‘there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual’ a billion times.”

“Because there isn’t,” Daniel said, and when he earned a look, he challenged, “Is there?”

“No,” Jack said flatly, clearly irritated.  “It’s just that it became something else.  I never thought of myself as gay.  And it’s still taking me a while to get the nonsense out of my head when it came to all that phobia I grew up with.”

“But you’re bi, not gay.”  When Jack sent a withered look, Daniel said, “You’re not,” he said firmly, then weakened.  “Are you?”

“That’s the problem.  Or … not problem exactly.  More like unanswered issue.  I discovered that I kept changing my mind about who I found attractive.  One year I’d like guys more.  The next, I’d like ladies more.  And over time, it seemed that I was liking guys more and more.  And as a result, I went to war with myself because I thought I should like girls more.  And you can guess how that played out.”

Daniel nodded.  “You took it out on others.  Like me.”

“A long time ago, I used to get into fights a lot.  Then I grew up after I met Sara.”

“Grew up?”

“Stopping reacting with my fists.”

“Ah.”

“And then … Charlie happened.  You know.”  Daniel nodded.  “And on Abydos, I … changed my mind.”

“About suicide?”

“Yeah,” Jack drawled, but he wasn’t finished.  “Not just that.  I felt something for you, but it was okay because I was leaving you behind.  It was safe to feel.  When I got home, I told myself to forget about it.”

“Forget or repress?” Daniel asked, curious.

“It’s escapist,” Jack said slowly.  “It was more that I accepted that I couldn’t go there with you.  You liked girls.”

“I liked Shau’re,” Daniel admitted.  “She was intelligent, despite her societal conditioning.  Kasuf kept telling me to treat her the way they treated her and I had to put a stop to it.”

“Bet that was fun.”

Daniel snorted.  “Back to repress and ignore.  Which for me?”

“Both.”

“So your feelings for me were repressed,” Daniel said, mostly to himself.  “Which explains that whole alpha male brush-off when you came to get me.”  Jack blinked at him and surprised Daniel more.  “You mean you didn’t realize that …”  He huffed out a breath of amusement.  When Jack gave him a look of impatience, he said, “I’m sorry.  Go back and remember that day.”

Jack thought, and said, “Got it.”

“You came through the gate.  You got startled by all of our guns.  Then you saw me.  I said hello.  You didn’t reply.  You ignored me, walked past me, slightly brushing my shoulder as you went to greet Skaara instead.  Classic alpha male dominance.”

Jack frowned.  “I didn’t—”  When Daniel’s eyes widened, he said, “I did?”

“You don’t remember it that way,” Daniel stated, stunned.

Jack frowned.  “No.”

Daniel blinked at him, then frowned.  “Exactly how do you remember it?”

“Um … I just nodded at you, saw Skaara, and I just remembered developing a father-son relationship with him.  I walked over.”

Daniel sighed.  “You didn’t nod.  I guess it’s not surprising.  You miss Charlie and Skaara reminded you of him.”

“Still.  Alpha male dominance?  Really?”

“Repression is a weird thing.”

“You speak from experience?” Jack asked, surprised.  “You’re joking.”

“Nope,” Daniel said after taking a sip of his mostly watered-down drink.  “I was like that as a teen.  I kept thinking I was supposed to like girls, period.  I didn’t want to get the shit kicked out of me, so I buried my head in books.  It was easy.”

“Easy,” Jack said, nodding.  “For me, it was easy dating girls.”

“Dating?” Daniel asked.  “I think that’s a euphemism for wanting to sleep with them.”

“And that’s a euphemism for wanting to fuck them.”

“Crude,” Daniel said.

“And honest.”

“Point.”

“So,” Jack said.

“So,” Daniel copied.  He found he was relaxing more and more.  “Thanks, Jack.”  Jack nodded.  “We’re not done though.”

“No, we’re not.”

They were silent then.  Jack was backtracking the conversation in his head while Daniel waited for him to continue.

“Where was I?” Jack asked.

“Liking guys more, I think,” Daniel said.  He was trying to imagine Jack in the early days of his career and couldn’t really picture it.  Well, not true.  He could.  It just sent his mind into places it had no business going at the moment.

“Okay, here goes,” Jack said, taking a deep breath.  “I’m sorry,” he blurted out, his cheeks coloring.

“For?” Daniel asked, unexpected hope flaring inside.

“For treating you like shit.  I’m really, really sorry.”

“Uh,” Daniel began, his own cheeks burning.  “Why did you?” He already knew but it needed saying.

“Like with leaving you on Abydos.  The whole bisexual fight.  I liked being with you.  I loved the sex.”  They both blushed a bit, though it was about excitement, not embarrassment.  “But I thought I shouldn’t, so I decided I didn’t want to be gay.  I wanted to be straight.”

“That’s not what—”

Jack held up a hand.  “I know that now, but this is what I was thinking.  I thought that you had to be one or the other and I was sick of feeling different.  I wanted to blend.  So I figured I had to play straight.”

“Is that why we got into that fight?  Arguing about being bi?”

“Sort of, yeah.  I didn’t realize it at the time, though.  I’m really sorry I put you through all of that.  Pushed you away.”

Daniel stared into his glass.  “Thanks.”  He wanted more and wasn’t sure if he should prod Jack into saying more or if he should wait and see if he came to it naturally.  But then, that sounded like a self-inflicting trap to set himself, to justify wallowing in misery.  And so nothing would get accomplished and Jack’s therapy would stall.  As a result, Daniel would also feel justified in keeping his distance.  A self-fulfilling prophecy.  “So how do you feel about me now?”

“I love you,” Jack said.  “I told you.”

“And I love you,” Daniel said.  “But what now?  We care.  Great.  But how do we move forward?”

Jack took Daniel’s hand again.  “I want to start over.  Start fresh.  Not just as friends.”

Daniel barely nodded as he twined his fingers with Jack’s.  It was equally an effort when he pulled his hand away.  “And Sam?”  The question seemed to create a bell tone of absolute silence.

Jack stiffened.  “What do you mean?”

“Don’t do that,” Daniel said softly.  “Zatarc, remember?  The brain stamp?  The other times you revealed your feelings for her and sometimes they were done by snapping at me.  You’ve shown this interest in her that goes far beyond being a teammate and a friend.  It’s been going on for a long time.”

“There’s nothing going on between us,” Jack said, his throat burning.  He needed another drink.  But if he got up now, Daniel would think he was avoiding.  And he would be.

“But it seems like you want there to be.”  When Jack looked like he was thinking about it, Daniel did what Jack told himself not to do.  He got up.  “I need another drink.”

“Daniel, wait,” Jack said, getting up in a hurry.

Daniel paused, staring back at him, into those dark emotional eyes that can turn from arousing to menacing.  Right now, they were neither.  “I’m going to get to the point, okay?”

“Okay,” Jack said, drawing out the word.

“I’m not into sharing.  Pick one of us.”  The urge to flee came back in a rush.  To run away.  Part of him said to stop moving, to stay right where he was.  The other part said, “Fuck this.  If he wants her and me, he can have her.  I’m not playing this stupid, fucking—

He handed Jack his glass.  “Time for me to go.”

“No, you can’t.  Who’s avoiding now?” Jack asked.  He grabbed Daniel by both shoulders and made him wince.  “Sorry!” he said caressing Daniel’s shoulder.  “I didn’t mean—”

“Who do you want?” Daniel asked, his cheeks turning red.

Jack’s hand froze on Daniel’s shoulder.  Underneath, his skin was warm.  Tempting.  Provocative.  Sensual.  Accessible.  Beautiful.  He was lost in a long list of adjectives.

“Jack?”

“You.”

Daniel stared at him and shocking them both, he stepped back.  “Make sure.”  He then beat a hasty retreat.  “Thanks for dinner.”

Jack stood there, stunned, as the warmth of Daniel’s body left the tips of his fingers.  The sound of the front door opening and closing broke the paralysis of shock.

“Like hell.”  He bolted and ran out the door.

Mild snow flurries were floating like pollen in the night and he ran into the darkness of his driveway, absently noting that he hadn’t turned on the security light.  It seemed like fate.

“You can’t do this.  Run away.”

“Jack, maybe we should just say goodnight and continue this tomorrow,” Daniel said, trying to get his coat on as Jack walked around his car.

“Fuck that,” Jack said, grabbing Daniel’s uninjured arm.  “I’m sure,” he said, and brushed his lips with a light kiss.  Outside.  Where anyone could see if they just looked their way.

“But—” Daniel interrupted, pulling back.  He was shaking.  Why was he shaking?

Jack stared at him as his arms went around him.  “There’s no more need to bandy this back and forth and hash it to death.  I love you.  I want you.  And I don’t want Carter.  Yes, I was attracted to her.  She’s beautiful and smart.  But I don’t want her.  I don’t fantasize about her.  I don’t lie awake at night thinking about her.  I don’t have erotic dreams about her.  Is that clear enough for you?”

Daniel blinked at him and a heat spread through him like wildfire.  “Okay, but—”

“Stop it,” Jack said, his voice rough, and he brought their lips together in a much more serious and heartfelt way.  Pressing, mashing, making love.  When Daniel parted his, Jack felt him shaking and knew it wasn’t from the cold.  He resisted finding his tongue and just paused with his mouth open, inhaling and tasting his breath.  “Come inside,” he mouthed over him.

“If I do, what then?” Daniel panted.

“Don’t play coy.  What do you think will happen?”

“I can’t—”

“Shut up and come with me.”  He backed up and took Daniel’s hand in his, keeping hold of it as he led him back into the house.  When the door was shut, it was Jack’s turn to be surprised.  Daniel wrapped his arms around his neck and shoved him against the door as he attacked him with a deep kiss.  His tongue searched and found Jack’s, tasting, probing, trying to discern how far to go before stopping.  When Jack’s hands slid down his back, inching toward his ass, Daniel inhaled sharply and broke the kiss.

“Jack,” he said, coming up for air.  And kissed him again.

“Daniel,” Jack said, breaking off.  He began to walk backward toward the bedroom.  His fingers were both pulling and unbuttoning Daniel’s shirt, inviting him to follow.

“Jack,” Daniel said again, and he told himself to stop, that it was too soon.  He wasn’t completely healed.

Jack sensed the hesitation and guessed correctly.  “We’ll only go as far as you can.”

Daniel swallowed.  “Deal.”

Jack stepped away, taking off his shoes.  Daniel dropped his coat to the floor and copied him, yanking off his boots down the hallway.  His open shirt swung freely and got in the way.  He twisted the wrong way and winced as he hit the wall with the wrong shoulder.  This was not going the way it should.  He threw down his shoe.

Jack began to laugh and took his hand.  “No rush.”  He led them into the bedroom.

Daniel grinned with embarrassment.  “It went so well in my head.”

Jack gave him an understanding look.  “I was afraid to fuck this up.”

Daniel snorted.  “You and me both.”

They climbed on the bed and lay down facing each other.  It was different.  Normally, Daniel preferred lying on his left side.  Jack preferred his right.  But thanks to the injury, their positions were switched.  A heat rocketed through him when Daniel remembered the dream, where he’d fucked Jack.  Their positions switched.

“What’s that?” Jack asked, brushing his cheek like he had in the hospital.  “Blushing?  You?”

“I …”  He shook his head.  “It’s all convoluted thinking in my head.”

“Try me.”

“You’ll laugh,” Daniel predicted.

“Maybe not,” Jack said, giving him that particular look that made Daniel want to kiss him stupid.

“Okay, here goes.  I was thinking that thanks to this shoulder, we’re on the sides we don’t normally use when we lay down.  Our positions are switched.  With me so far?”

“Easily,” Jack said, earning a swift smile that faded.

“And the thought reminded me of the ending of a dream I had.”

“About us?”

“In a way.”  He told him about the dream as Carlin.  “And it mirrored what you said once when you ripped a condom when you tore the packaging.”

“What was that?” Jack asked, puzzled that he didn’t remember.

“I said it was okay to make love without it, and you asked if I was sure because wasn’t like going barefoot.”

Jack laughed and pulled Daniel closer, if it was possible.  He twined their legs together and it was slightly difficult because it pulled at their crotches.  “Jeans are in the way.”

“Yes, they are.”

Neither of them moved.

“We have to take them off,” Daniel said, “or things will get a whole lot more uncomfortable.”  He rolled onto his back and unbuttoned and unzipped faster than Jack could react.

“I was gonna do that,” he said.

“Then help me with the rest of it.”

Jack walked on his knees to the foot of the bed and yanked Daniel’s jeans until he could easily slide them off.  He stepped onto the floor and stood there, looking at Daniel’s body.  His cock twitched.  “Boxers?” he asked.

“I didn’t do laundry,” Daniel said, shoving them off and throwing them to the floor.  He revealed his half-hard cock and Jack swallowed.

“Leave the shirt on,” he said, unbuttoning his own.

“Backatcha,” Daniel said, making Jack grin at him.

“That’s my line, isn’t it?”

“We’re sharing it for the moment,” Daniel grinned, but it faded when Jack pushed off his jeans and briefs at the same time.  Jack was so hard, his cock pointed skyward without wavering.

“Wow,” Daniel said, swallowing.

Jack smiled and crawled on the bed over Daniel’s feet and kept going until he was hovering over him, hands beside his head, elbows locked.  “What?  You remember, don’t you?”

“I was just surprised how hard you are,” Daniel said quietly, though his voice was thick.  “I loved your cock.”

“Past tense?” Jack asked.

Daniel shook his head.

Jack looked down between them to find Daniel’s cock was on its way to matching his.  He looked back into his darkening blue eyes.  “Right backatcha.  Take both in your hands.”

Daniel kept Jack’s gaze as he did so, pressing and rubbing their shafts together.  Jack bit his lip, then brought their lips together.  The desire between them was perfume-heavy, and Jack needed to feel skin.  He lowered himself carefully, watching Daniel for any discomfort.  To his delighted surprise, Daniel spread his legs and brought his knees up.  But Jack could see the tinge of pain in his eyes and the tension in his left arm.  He lifted himself off and Daniel started to grab for him.

“No, wait,” Jack said, kneeling and pushing off the bed.  “Let’s try something.”  He opened the closet and pulled out four fluffy pillows.  He brought them over to the head of the bed and climbed on.  “Sit up,” he said.

Daniel complied, giving Jack plenty of room.  “Trying to make this as pain-free as possible?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Why do you even have all these pillows?”

“I like to be comfortable watching TV,” he said, referring to the flatscreen.

“I can understand,” Daniel said automatically, not really paying attention to what he was saying.  He was too preoccupied with easing himself back against the pillows.  Jack grinned only slightly as he lowered himself again.  His cock was only half hard now, and he thrust his hips slightly, creating a bit of friction.  Daniel inhaled sharply as he looked up, repositioning his knees.  His shoulder twinged, and it was expressed by a twitch of his left cheek and eye.

“Damn,” he said, cringing.

“It’s so not a problem,” Jack said, bringing their lips and tongues together for minutes on end, and he rolled them back to their previous positions, moving half the pillows out of the way.

Daniel broke off, his body on fire, and he had to taste more.  Jack was a drug.  His hands caressed while he moved down his body, teasing a nipple between his teeth before going much further down.  He tongued Jack’s navel and looked up to catch his gaze while he laid a long, wet line past it.  When his chin hit the head of Jack’s cock, his newly reconnected lover opened his mouth and inhaled a shaky breath.

Daniel smiled and broke eye contact as he slowly placed his lips around the head and sucked him in.  While Jack’s fingers threaded through his hair, Daniel savored the flavor of him, moaning, like one does sometimes with the first taste of fresh ice cream.  His shoulder twinged again, and Jack noticed it.

“You need to take a few Tylenol 3s.  They in your coat?”

Daniel nodded as he pulled away, letting Jack disappear quickly and return just as fast.  He took the pills with water, and began to say, “I’m s—”

“Shh,” Jack said, kneeling and bringing Daniel up to do the same.  He kissed him, gently, then passionately, wrapping his arms around him.  He broke off and laid a bunch of kisses down his neck and behind his right ear.  An erogenous zone.  Daniel shivered under his touch.  “Let’s lie back down.”  He guided Daniel onto his right but once Daniel was there, he shimmied down his body.  “Take it easy.  Don’t strain.  We can stop anytime—”  Jack inhaled sharply and threw his head back, eyes squeezing shut.  Daniel had swallowed him whole and sucked hard.

“Christ,” he whispered hoarsely.

Daniel smiled around his cock and slowly moved up and down the shaft.  With deft fingers, he cradled his balls and massaged the space between them and Jack’s anus.  He broke off suddenly and said, “Lube,” before he returned to business.

Jack grabbed blindly over his head to find the shelf in the headboard, fished for the tube, found it, and tossed it down to Daniel.  It hit him in the head.

Daniel broke off again, unable to keep from laughing.  “Thanks,” he said, and with a fading smile and a smoldering look, he kept his eyes on Jack while he slicked a finger.  Taking the head between his lips, he sucked a bit as he slid his finger into his hole.  Jack’s flesh clutched around it and Daniel loved watching Jack drop his mouth open and fist the sheets.

“Like that?”

“Jesus, Daniel,” Jack gasped.

Daniel smiled and began in earnest to bring Jack to orgasm.  With his free hand, he stroked the shaft while keeping only the head in his mouth.  His business was inside him.  He probed with long fingers and found the pleasure point.  Jack’s lower body shuddered and his legs were spread wide.  When he managed four fingers, he took his cock down his throat and massaged his balls.  Jack was gasping and gulping air, body shaking, and frantic fingers combed through Daniel’s hair.

“Fucking hell,” he groaned when Daniel twisted his fingers inside him.

What brought Jack over the edge was when Daniel lifted his mouth off his cock and finger-fucked him rapidly in time to the stroking of his cock, and said, “If I wasn’t spent, I’d fuck you right now.”

Jack arched his back and went rigid as Daniel took his cock in his mouth and swallowed his pleasure.  His slightly bucking hips only made Daniel draw the orgasm further until he was truly spent.  When he crawled up and laid over him, finding his mouth for a long kiss, Jack engulfed him in his arms and kissed him back for all that he was worth.  When he broke, there was a feverish determination in his eyes.

Daniel smiled slightly, trying to guess what Jack was thinking.  “What?”

“My turn.”

The look in his eyes matched action and he tortured Daniel with his lips, tongue, and hands, starting with his nipples and inching his way downward.  By the time he swallowed Daniel’s cock, his lover was achingly hard with demand.  Instead of lying down, Jack knelt between his legs and placed them over his own.  He slicked both hands with lube and began to probe his anus with one while stroking the shaft of his aching cock with the other.  While he longed to suck him into his mouth, he preferred to kneel here and watch Daniel’s face.

When two fingers went in, Daniel gasped, “Oh fuck me,” and threw his head back and closed his eyes.  Jack smiled at the reaction and with his right hand, he expertly stroked his cock in time with his left.  In and out, up and down.

“Fuck me,” Daniel pleaded.

Jack moved from two fingers to three and pressed deep, searching.  Gasping, Daniel let him know when he found the nub by white-knuckling the sheets with both hands and raising his head to gasp.  He froze there and thrust against Jack’s fingers.  “That’s it,” he whispered, his gaze locked on Jack’s.  “Please, Jack.  Fuck me.”

“Just this for now,” Jack said, wishing he really could.  If there was the slightest chance of causing pain and a relapse, Jack would wait.  In the meantime, there was this.

“Oh god,” Daniel said through gnashing teeth and he fell back, eyes wide, hips thrusting rapidly against Jack’s wonderful fingers.

Jack stared, watching the way his skin glistened under the open shirt.  Goddamn, he was gorgeous.  He stretched out onto his stomach while keeping his probing fingers where they were and took the head of Daniel’s cock in his mouth.  Stroking the shaft, he pistoned his fingers inside his body and felt the tension vibrate around his hand.

Daniel cried out, “Fuck me hard!”  Jack obliged, hitting his sensitive anus with his knuckles.  It was a particular pleasure point for Daniel and he came with a spasm, twitching uncontrollably, murmuring “Yes” repeatedly.

Once he was finished, Jack eased away and crawled up to wrap his body around him and share a deep and grateful kiss.  “How was that?” he whispered against his neck as he nuzzled.

“Oh god.”

Jack smiled.  “My sentiments exactly.”

Their afterglow was wonderfully free of pain, worry, and any desire to move.  Fifteen minutes later, Daniel murmured, “I’m hungry.”

“Want me to bring it to you?” Jack quipped sleepily.

“I wasn’t talking about the food.”

“It’s gonna be awhile,” Jack grinned, disappointment coloring his tone.

“I know,” Daniel sighed, his hand caressing Jack’s hip.  “But if you think we’re doing this only once tonight, you’d be wrong.”

Jack smiled and leaned back to look at him.  “Not just tonight.  I can watch you do that for the rest of my life.”

“Do what?” Daniel asked.

“Come for me.”

Daniel smiled and kissed him lightly.  “You know what’s different?”

“What?”

“You came when I said I’d fuck you.”

Jack frowned slightly and brushed Daniel’s hair out of his eyes.  “I noticed that.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want you inside me,” Daniel said, nuzzling his throat.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jack gripped a buttock tellingly, making Daniel laugh.  “Good.”

 

 

Chapter Three: Changes

 

It was odd, the next day at the mountain.  They had no trouble acting ‘normal’, never mind feeling that way.  It was unlike their previous attempt at a relationship.  Back then, everything had felt awkward.

As he dressed, Jack thought that perhaps he hadn’t been ready before.  That it took seeing a shrink … sorry, analyst … to get his own head on straight.  Daniel, on the other hand, was the same.  To his eyes anyway.  He’d have to discuss it with him the next time they went home.

Daniel noticed the thoughtful look on his face as he caught him staring at him as they finished changing into their warm-weather uniforms.  Since they were returning the Furling planet, Jack had opted for black tees and green trousers for everyone.  As Daniel was lacing up his boot, he said, “Anything on your mind?”

Jack looked around and strained his ears for eavesdroppers.  “Just liking the normality of the day.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said, with a cryptic smile.  “I know what you mean.”

Pretty soon, Teal’c and Carter would be coming in, Jack thought, and it was time to get up to the briefing room.

“Just to be clear, we’re going back to the planet?” Daniel asked in the elevator, arms folded.

“We are, but we’re going nowhere near that obelisk until the IED boys say it’s safe.”

“IED?  Why would they be over there?”

“They’re trained to handle dangerous material.  Albeit with bombs.  But this is no different than clearing an area.”

“Except I have no clue what I did to get shot.”

“Once we figure out how to deactivate that trap or warning or whatever it is, then you can find out.”

“It’s a shame.  I mean, once it’s deactivated, it may not tell me what I need to know.”

Jack turned to stare at him.  “Do you want to get shot again?”

“I don’t think want is on the list of things—”

“I love you,” Jack whispered, completely derailing Daniel’s thought process.

Daniel knew why he said it, too.  He narrowed his eyes.  “Don’t do that.  You’ll make it meaningless if you trot it out every time you want me to shut up.”

Jack’s expression matched Daniel’s.  “I wasn’t.  I was just reminding you why I’m not letting you near that thing until it’s safe.”

The doors opened, and they headed for the Briefing Room.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to figure out how to open that building.”

Jack frowned.  “What building?”

“The one next to the colonnade, on the left.  Most of those pentagon-shaped buildings aren’t open.  We have to find out what’s in there.”

“We do?”

As they entered the Briefing Room, Daniel said, “Jack, it’s the Furling.  They built that planet.”

“Don’t you mean the buildings?” Jack asked as Hammond came out of his office.

“No, I mean the planet.  Those islands are an equal distance apart.  That’s not natural.  And in the time since the Furling have been gone, which I’m guess is at least thousands of years, the bridges and distances haven’t succumbed to continental shifts or weatherization.”

“Are you serious?” Hammond asked.

Daniel nodded, trying to contain his excitement.  “Yes, sir.  If we can figure out how they did that, we might be able to help our own planet.”

“From?”

“Climate change.”

“Climate change?” Jack asked.  “You mean the ozone?  Global warming?”

“It’s a lot more than that.  We’re warming the planet and since greed runs everything, we’re in for a world of hurt.  Of course, those greedy people don’t care about—”

“Save it for another time, Doctor Jackson,” Hammond said, waiting on Sam and Teal’c.

“Yes, sir.  But I’m not kidding about the usefulness of that planet.”

“If we can make it be of use,” Jack said.

“Yeah, that.”

Sam and Teal’c entered and Hammond gestured at the table.  “Have a seat.  We’re waiting on Major Wallingford.”

“We are?” Daniel and Jack said together.

“She’ll give us an update on what you’ve been talking about, Doctor Jackson.  They’ve gone a bit further in discovery since you’ve been out of commission.”

“Damn,” Daniel said, frowning.  He looked to his right and saw that there was a stack of folders, a slideshow machine, and a remote control sitting on the opposite end of the table.

“The cost of doing business,” Hammond said.  “And you have a knack for getting tech to respond.  For example, what happened with Mordecai on that Ancients’ planet.”

“Well, it was more a matter of him responding, sir,” Daniel replied.

“Agreed, but I think you know where I’m going.”

“I tend to get into trouble?”

Hammond chuckled.  “Sometimes.”

“So what’s so interesting?” Sam asked as she and Teal’c sat across from Jack and Daniel.

Daniel started to answer when Major Wallingford came in.  She was British, with dark caramel skin and a beautiful face.  She was formidable, seeing as she was just a bit over six feet tall.  He hadn’t gotten along that well with her, but he certainly admired her dedication.  “Doctor,” he greeted.

“Doctor,” she replied.  “General.  Colonel, Major, Master Teal’c.”  She picked up the remote and a screen descended from the ceiling.  She moved the stack of folders around to operate the slide machine.  “Here’s what we have so far.”

Jack liked her no-nonsense approach.  She certainly got down to business.  Wallingford detailed the findings they’d made so far, showing slides of their progress.  They had managed to open the building Daniel had been talking to Jack about and he hid his disappointment.

 

 

“How did you open that door?” Daniel asked.  “I was there three months and never found anything.”

Wallingford gave him a chilled smile.  “By accident.  After your injury, Forrester looked at the panel on the obelisk and returned to the building.  You know that faint outline on the center of the door?”

Daniel nodded, then he blinked.  “Wait, it’s the same shape isn’t it?”

She nodded.  “He pushed on the cover with all five fingers splayed out.”  She opened her hand.  “The cover disappeared.  I don’t mean it slid into a slot designed for it.  I mean, it disappeared.  No fading, no other effect.  Poof.  Gone.  The panel underneath had the same buttons, plus one.  I assumed it was to make up for the button on the leaf shaped plate at the top of the pyramid part of the obelisk.  I took a cue from your actions and pressed all buttons at the same time.”

Jack blinked.  “Excuse me?”

“You did?” Daniel asked.  “That was risky.”

“You’re lucky something equally harmful did not happen to you,” Hammond told her.

“We take risks all the time in this job, General.”

Hammond frowned at her flippant attitude.  He lifted his chin.  “Continue with your report, Major.”

“Pushing the buttons on the panel activated the entire door mechanism.  The panel moved inward at the same time the door did.  It moved approximately two feet and slid sideways into a crevice in the wall, which is what I had expected the panel cover to do.  These are pictures inside the building.”  She clicked the remote.  The inside of the building was dissimilar to the exterior.  It was blue, but of a slightly less rich shade, and the surface of the walls were carved floor to ceiling in a flower motif.

The ceiling and floor were the same as the exterior.

The center of the structure held a pedestal and on top of that was a rounded disc of dull pale blue rock crystals with white veins.

 

 

 

“This pedestal appears to be a power source.  The crystals emit heat.  Not like a radiator or a wood fire.  The heat wasn’t that intense.  You could touch it and it was just slightly cooler than your hand.”

“I hope you tested it for possible radiation before touching it without gloves,” Hammond stated.

“Yes, sir.  We scanned it for fifteen minutes before we touched it.  The heat registered in magnetic waves, barely measurable.”

“I’d like to see that,” Sam said.

“I thought it would interest you,” Wallingford said.

“What’s the composition?” Daniel asked.

“We haven’t been able to determine that.  I have only been able to run it through several surface scans.”

“Why is that?” Hammond asked.

“Because the crystals are impervious to any attempt at taking samples.  It doesn’t appear to have weathered with time, either, which is an indication of its resilience.  I believe it’s the same type of crystal found in the center of the obelisk.”

“Only that crystal was a smooth disc,” Daniel said.

Wallingford nodded.  “That technology is missing from the planet, unfortunately.  All we’ve learned so far is that the crystals emit low level heat.  Because of its density, even though it looks like every crystalline structure we’ve discovered on Earth, its weight would be on par with a brick of naquada.”

“Are there any applications that sort of material may be used for?” Hammond asked.

“Unknown, since it can’t be damaged.  I thought to bring it back here for study.”

“You’re not seriously considering taking the pedestal, are you?” Daniel asked both Wallingford and Hammond.

“We were, Doctor Jackson, but the device can’t be moved,” Hammond said, clearly disappointed.

“Has the UAV found where that crystal was mined from?” Daniel asked.  “The last time I checked, it hadn’t.”

“We have yet to locate the island it came from,” Wallingford said.  “It’s possible that it came from underground caves or from the ocean itself.”  She paused and seemed reluctant.  “Like you posited, Doctor Jackson.”

“The cenotes, and I’m going to assume there are more than just the one Jack and I fell through, might be a source.”

“I agree,” Wallingford said.

“If it’s underwater, wouldn’t the saline content in the water erode it?” Sam asked.

“If it was on our world, yes.  Their world is another matter.”  She looked at the General.  “Sir, there is, quite frankly, too much to study before we can come to any hard conclusions.  We’re still trying to find the material that arrow was made of.  So far, the only mine or quarry we’ve found is the blue rock quarry.”

“What was the result of the arrow analysis?” Hammond asked.

Daniel blinked.  “Wait, haven’t you already concluded it was trinium?”

“At first I thought it was,” Sam said when Wallingford hesitated.  “It’s composed of a trinium alloy but we can’t identify the mix.”

“When Daniel was out of it, he said it was silver,” Jack said, grinning at Daniel.

“Ha,” Daniel said, giving him a mock-glare.

“It’s a big planet, and we have a lot of work to do,” Hammond said, rising.  “You’re dismissed, Major.  SG-1 will continue to work alongside your team.”

“Yes, sir.”  She appeared to dislike that idea as she left the room.

“Doctor Jackson,” Hammond said.  “My office.  SG-1, wait here.”

“Sir, may I—” Jack began.

Jack frowned and watched as Daniel followed Hammond into the office and shut the door behind him.

“Sir, is he coming back?” Sam asked.

“We didn’t discuss it last night.”

“Last night?” she said, and exchanged surprised looks with Teal’c.

Jack could have kicked himself.  “Yes, Carter, last night.  I invited him over and we had a long talk.”

“And?” Sam pushed.

Jack smiled.  “We’re good to go.  The friendship is back on track.  Now it’s up to Hammond.”

“I’m sure he’ll ask for the return to SG-1.”

“Yeah, but again, up to Hammond.”

 

“Have a seat, Doctor,” Hammond said as he took his.

“Yes, sir.”  Daniel chose the one Jack normally sat in.  Hammond seemed to make a note of it.

“I noticed during the briefing that you and Colonel O’Neill seem to be communicating well.  Have you two come to an understanding?”

“Yes, sir.  Last night.  We had a long talk.  Jack told me about his sessions with Doctor Carmichael.”

“I see.  Are you now requesting that you rejoin SG-1?”

Daniel frowned slightly.  A puzzled expression.  He looked at Hammond’s name plate, then into his eyes.  “I had it mind, yes.  I just hadn’t had the chance to request a meeting.”

“Well then, here we are.”

“Yes, sir.”

When Hammond said nothing, Daniel got the hint.  “General, I formally request that I be reinstated with SG-1.”

“And how is your relationship with Colonel O’Neill?”

“Sounds stupid to be talking to you about it, but I was the one who brought it up to begin with all those months ago.”

“Over a year and a half, Doctor.  And for valid reasons.”

“Yes, sir.”

“So you came to an understanding?”

“Yes.”

“Can you be more forthcoming?”

“Jack communicates better.  Thanks to Doctor Carmichael.  We’re now able to be friends without fighting against each other.”

“And are you sure about this request?” Hammond asked.

“Yes, sir.”

Hammond relaxed his hardcore exterior.  “Look, I understand that it’s not always easy to get along with people.  But we’re professionals and we do what’s necessary to get the job done.  When something interferes with that, as has happened here, then it brings into question your ability to work under pressure.  I’ve given Colonel O’Neill the same advice I’ll now give to you.  Make it work.”

“Yes, sir,” Daniel said, understanding the threat.  He’d be gone.

“Then your request is hereby granted.”

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief.  “Thank you, sir.”

“Thank Doctor Carmichael, Doctor Jackson. Her work with Colonel O’Neill is the only reason you’re back and that he remains leader of SG-1.”  He sighed.  “Jack’s interpersonal skills have been a problem for a while.  You were simply the excuse I was looking for in order to get him the help he needed.”

“Yes, sir,” Daniel said, not completely surprised.

 

Jack stood at the window, looking down at the gateroom.  The gate was currently active and Major Wallingford was assembling two more FREDs with the help of Sergeant Travers.  Jack had liked her forthrightness at first, but during the briefing, her attitude was like most other academics he’d run into on the base: snooty and in their own little world.  If that attitude was directed at him while on the planet, she’d find out that his reputation was well-deserved: he didn’t put up with it.  Work with Carmichael hadn’t changed that.

Hammond’s door opened and Jack turned, instantly looking for signs that their linguist was back on the job.  He caught a small smile on Daniel’s face and he returned it with an even bigger one.

“Thank you, sir,” he said, before Hammond could give them the good news.

Daniel exchanged a look with Hammond.  “What?  It wasn’t supposed to be a surprise, was it?”

Hammond snorted and nodded at Jack.  “You have a go.  Check back in six hours.  After that, you’ll be checking in with Major Davis, who’s flying in from Washington.”

“Where are you going to be, sir?” Jack asked.

“I’ll be in Washington begging for additional funding.  After that, I’m taking a week’s leave.”

“It’s about time they let you have some downtime, sir.”

“I agree.  I’m looking forward to it, so do me a favor, Jack.  Stay out of trouble.”

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

“Do better.”

As Hammond turned to return to his office, Jack held up a hand.  “Ah, sir?  Could I have a quick word about something?”

Hammond gestured his office.  “Very quick, Colonel.”

“Yes, sir.”

Daniel, Sam, and Teal’c were puzzled as Jack ducked into Hammond’s office.  He closed the door but remained there.

“What is it?”

“Is it true that a GS-15 is equivalent to a Colonel?”

Hammond grinned.  “Yes, Colonel, it is.  Anything else?”

Jack frowned.  “No, sir.  Thank you, sir.”  He stepped out and closed the door quietly.  Turning, he found six pairs of eyes staring him down.  “What?”

“What was that?” Daniel asked.

“What was what?” Jack evaded.

“We heard you, sir,” Sam said, smirking.

“Indeed,” Teal’c said, smugly.  “Daniel Jackson is the same rank as you are, O’Neill.”

Jack grumbled.  “Yeah, okay.”  He headed out the door.  “Let’s get geared up and go piss off the archaeologists.”

“I’m an archaeologist.”

“But you’re ours,” Jack said, looking over his shoulder briefly.  “And you tend to piss off other archaeologists.”

Daniel snorted.  “They keep using Budge.  Not my fault their translations are fucked up.”  He blinked and looked over his shoulder.

Sam grinned and punched him in his healthy shoulder.  “Glad you’re back.”

“As am I,” Teal’c said.

“Thanks, guys.”

As they headed to the armory, Sam asked, “So, did you two finally kiss and make up?”

Daniel coughed.  Jack said, “Why, Carter, you know a gentleman never kisses and tells.”

Daniel pretended to be offended.  “He’s kidding,” he said.  “I would never kiss him.”

Sam and Teal’c seemed to find it all amusing and there was a bit of good-natured teasing.

When they were squared away and got down to the gateroom, Jack said, “Yes, Carter, we kissed and made up.  Everything’s hunky dory.”

“Really?” she asked Daniel.

“Really,” Daniel nodded.

“Better,” Jack said, giving Daniel a fond look that made Sam frown in confusion.

Teal’c, however, was looking at them both, deciding something.  “I see.”  His tone was amused.

“See what?” Daniel asked.

Sam gave Teal’c an expectant look.  He grinned.  “They are having sex.”

Sam burst out laughing and didn’t notice the contrasting look of panic and denial both Daniel and Jack gave Teal’c.  Their Jaffa friend knew what it meant: “Don’t you dare repeat that.”

As Teal’c nodded, Sam had no clue that a silent exchange and understanding had just occurred.  Daniel felt guilty, but he honestly had no idea how she’d react, given that she too had feelings for Jack.  He couldn’t be jealous.  It wasn’t in his nature.  He just felt sad that her feelings would never be satisfied and sooner or later, they’d have to have that talk.  If she found out from Teal’c, she’d be pissed.  The thought then hit him.  Would she turn them in?  He didn’t think so, but people reacted badly to the simple idea of two men being together.  Society was changing, but not fast enough to suit him.  Or Jack.

 

 

Chapter Four: A Fever Before the Storm

 

After arriving with their own FRED, SG-1 set up camp in Daniel’s small building.  The moment things were settled, however, Daniel grabbed his camera and notebook and headed for the pedestal building.

“Daniel,” Jack began, his tone warning.

Daniel turned around and stopped.  “I know, I know.  Don’t touch anything.  But how the hell else am I going to do my job?”

“Okay,” Jack said after a second of thinking it over.  “Just don’t activate anything.”  Daniel gave him a confused look.  “You know what I mean.  Find something that looks weapony, give me a shout.”

“Weapony,” Daniel repeated, shaking his head as he turned and headed for the structure.

“Weapony?” Sam asked, grinning.

“Same order for you and Teal’c.  Go exploring.  Check in every ten minutes.”

Teal’c frowned.  “Do you expect trouble, O’Neill?”

“On this planet, yasureyoubetcha.  I’m not falling down another goddamn hole.”

“Cenote,” Teal’c corrected.

Jack gave him a flat look.  “I’m gonna look around, see if we can set up surveillance so we don’t have to pull guard duty.”

“It’s not a Goa’uld planet, sir.  Why would that be a consideration?”

“You never know, Carter.”

She watched Jack head over to one of the members of SG-6 … Captain Cornell … and she began to follow Daniel.

“Major Carter?” Teal’c asked.

“I’ll catch up with you, Teal’c.”

Instead, he waited.

Sam followed Daniel into the structure and pretended to have a look at the pedestal.  She was interested in it, but she also had to talk with him about the Colonel.  About him.

“So this is it, huh?” she said.

Daniel turned around, pausing the camera.  “Hey.”  He gestured at the pedestal.  “Yeah, I guess it is.  Didn’t you put together your own sensor device?”

“Yeah,” she said, and pulled it out of her side pocket.

As she turned it on and flipped up a type of antenna, he turned back to the wall.  “This relief mural,” he said, turning to gesture at the whole, “isn’t just decorative.”

“It isn’t?” she asked, adjusting her readings.  It was interesting.  She was picking up low levels of gamma radiation but they were so miniscule that there was no need to mention it yet.  She wondered why Wallingford hadn’t picked this up.

“No,” Daniel drawled, watching through his camera.  “There are slight variations and normally, if I found this on Earth, I’d say it was just designer’s choice.  Here, too, maybe, but it just doesn’t …”  He shook his head.  “I don’t know.  It’s just a feeling.”  He pointed outside.  “I can’t make any headway on the language because I have no form of reference.  I’ve been getting it all down though, so that when we hopefully run across the Rosetta Stone, I’ll know what this place was.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he said, biting the inside of his cheek as he turned, eyes on the walls.  “If it was an outpost planet or one of their homes, like Earth is ours.”

“Ah,” she said, eyeing him at the same time as she changed the settings on the pad.  “Um, Daniel?”

“What?” he asked, glancing at her before turning to look at the wall.  He then did a double take and gave her his full attention.  She was blushing slightly and looking worried.  Well, worried wasn’t right.  But there was something on her mind.  A dread filled him.  Would it be about Jack?  “What?”

“Um … things are okay with you and the Colonel?”

Daniel raised his brows.  “Oh.  Yeah.  They’re better, actually.  That therapy did wonders.”

“Yeah, I noticed.  It’s nice not to get cut off mid-sentence anymore.”

He grinned slightly.  “Exactly.”  His expression turned downward.  “What’s up?”

“Uh … this is gonna sound … are you gay?”

Daniel’s brows shot up into his hairline.  “You couldn’t have asked me back on Earth?”

“The walls have ears, and I haven’t had a chance to come visit you at home.”

“So this is something you’ve been wanting to ask?”

“Yes and no.  Not until recently.  I mean, I wondered, but it was like one of those thoughts you easily forget or dismiss.”

“Why did you wonder?”

“I was …”  She lowered her voice.  “I was wondering if that was why the Colonel was so negative with you for the last three and a half years.”

Daniel was taken aback.  He’d never considered that anyone would view their animosity that way.  Was he that clueless?  “Jack’s not homophobic, if that’s what you mean.  Are you the only one asking or is this going around the base?”

“I’m asking only for me, but other people … I mean, I’ve heard people wondering.  They noticed his behavior change too because he never did anything in private … like he was supposed to.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“In the military, if you want to dress someone down, you do it in private.  The Colonel used to but that changed when we were on Euronda.  I was frankly pretty shocked but he’s my C.O. so I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said slowly, and thought, thanks for the backup.  “So …?”

“I’m sorry.  I know.  DADT.  But you’re my friend.  I thought you would have shared that with me.”

Daniel changed his expression to thoughtful, but at the same time, he wondered if Sam was asking because she was putting together puzzle pieces.  He told himself that after they got home, they’d have that talk and he’d find out if she was as homophobic as others on base.  She had led a sheltered life until coming to the Stargate Program.  Interacting with a lot of people who weren’t academics, never mind natives from other worlds, must’ve been eye-opening.

He resisted telling her.  He wanted more.  Why ask this now, and offworld?  He voiced it.  “Why ask now, and offworld?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, blushing more.  “I just wondered if it was the reason you two were fighting.”

“No, it wasn’t.  You know how he was with me.”

“Yeah, I know.  I just could never figure out why.”

“Jack has his own demons.  He took them out on me.  And now, he’s okay.  He’s better.”  More than better.

“But …”

Daniel sighed.  “I’m bi.”

Her brows turned down.  “What does that mean?”

“Bisexual.  I love men and women equally.”  He didn’t bother telling her that he liked men just a bit more because it simply wasn’t her business.

“Oh,” she said.

To his relief, her frown was one of puzzlement, not disappointment.  At least, that’s how it looked, and he’d always been able to read her expressions.  Unless this was a new one he’d just gotten wrong.  “Is this a problem?” he asked quietly, leaning against the wall, wishing there’d been something to sit on instead.

“No,” she said quickly.  “I just …”

“Don’t get it,” he finished, nodding.  “A lot of straight people don’t.  A lot of gay people don’t.”

“They don’t?” Sam asked.

He shrugged.  “Many choose not to get it.  To understand.  To ask questions.  It’s their loss if they choose to remain ignorant.”

Sam nodded.  “I think I understand.  My roomie in flight school was gay.  Someone made a call and she was thrown out.  It wasn’t fair.  One of my biggest regrets was never getting the opportunity to ask her questions.  Now, here we are and …”  And here it was now, staring her in the face, and she was hesitant.  Did they really kiss and make up?

“Sam?”

She blinked, coming back to the here and now, finding Daniel staring at her.  She couldn’t read his expression.  Anger?  Concern?  Fear?  Protectiveness?  If she were gay, she’d be in protective mode.  She badly wanted to sit down.  “Was Teal’c serious?  I mean, was he right?”

Daniel hated himself, but he schooled his features and his voice.  A practice he was very good at.  “No, he wasn’t.  He was teasing.  And if he hadn’t been, he’d have been wrong.  Jack is straight.”  Sort of.  He then aimed to get her to relax and smiled.  “And we didn’t literally kiss and make up.”  When she visibly relaxed, he knew he’d made the right call.  She wasn’t ready.  But the thought had been planted.  Hopefully, it’d germinate into future acceptance.  Besides, it wasn’t Daniel’s place to out Jack.  He started to say something else about how Teal’c’s jokes were getting funnier, but he sensed a hesitation.  “What?”

Sam gave him a pensive look.  “Right after you died, ascended, we went and helped the Asgard.”

Daniel nodded.  “I read the report.”

“Well, what isn’t in the report was how Colonel O’Neill behaved.”

“Behaved?” Daniel asked, wondering where she was going with this.  Jack had still been evasive and distant, right up to the time he ascended.  Absently, Daniel wondered if he was remembering wrong.

“He was cut off at first.  But over time, I could see he was taking your death as badly as me and Teal’c.”

“Why wouldn’t he?  You know how he is.  Private feelings and all that.  I don’t think that’s changed.”  Daniel regarded her carefully and decided to use a past situation to make a point.  “Remember when you, Jack, and Teal’c blew up Thor’s ship?”

“Yeah,” she said, clearly puzzled.

“Did you and Jack have a relationship while you were on that planet you gated to?”

“A relationship?” she asked, hesitant.  “Um, no.  Not exactly.  We were close, but it never got physical.”

Daniel nodded.  “What was your immediate response when I asked that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you think, ‘this is none of his business’?”

She gave him a short nod.

“So do you know why I asked anyway?”

“No.”

“I crossed the line on purpose, Sam.  Even if something had happened, it really isn’t any of my business, is it?”  Well, it was, but that wasn’t what he was after.

She opened her mouth, then shut it again.  Then after a few thoughtful moments, she gave him a sheepish look, blushing.  “I see your point.  If I’m not willing to tell you anything, why I should I expect you to.”

“It’s not your business.  It’s not my business.  Just because someone’s gay or bi doesn’t give others the right to know their intimate lives, but people interfere all the time as if they have that right.”  She opened her mouth to say something, but he held up a hand.  “You’re different because you’re my teammate and my friend.  I consider that a bit of a free pass.”  He smiled at her then and she smiled back.

“Thanks.  And thanks for putting up with some stupid questions.”

“Anytime,” he said.

“Major Carter,” Teal’c said as he appeared in the doorway.  “We should be on our way.”

“Yeah, in a sec,” Sam said, and hugged Daniel.  “Thanks, really.”

“No problem.  When we get home, we’ll talk more, okay?”

“Great,” she said, smiling, and followed Teal’c out of the building.

Daniel let out a slow breath, closed his eyes, and pressed his lips together.

“Hey, aren’t you guys supposed to be doing something?” came Jack’s voice from outside.  “No, never mind.  We got something.  Hang tight.”  He ducked into the pedestal building.  “Hey,” he said, then frowned and gave Daniel a wary look.  “What?” he whispered.

“She asked the question,” Daniel told him softly.

“Which one?”

“Am I gay?”

“You told her …?”

“I’m bi.  And that we’d discuss what that meant when we got home.”

“Anything else?” Jack asked, partly relaxing.

“She wondered if you were gay, too.  She didn’t ask it that way.  She wanted to know if Teal’c was right about our having sex.”

“Christ,” Jack whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head as if he tried to unhear what Daniel had just said.

“Don’t worry.  I told her you were straight.”

Jack absently waved him off because he had already assumed Daniel had told her that.  Fucking society.  And fuck that DADT shit.  Meanwhile, his thoughts were going over a million scenarios until he shut off the stream of consciousness.  “Why’s this shit come out now?”

“Because the underlying tension for the past six months has been about you and me.  Teal’c simply put the thought in her head and if he hadn’t, I don’t think she’d have ever asked.  Unless we run into a planet of gay people and they have magnificent gaydar.”

Jack snorted.  “Don’t jinx it.”

“Oh c’mon, Jack,” Daniel grinned.  “You know that’d be fun, watching all the homophobes on the mountain have conniption fits.”

Jack didn’t smile.  His expression was deadly serious.  “Or worse.  Don’t ever underestimate fear, Daniel.”

Daniel nodded and gave Jack a look equally serious.  “I haven’t, ever since Freshman year in High School.”

Jack’s brows rose.  “Therein lies a tale, methinks.”

“You’d be right.  And one day, I might just tell you about it.”

“That bad, eh?” Jack asked, but he was grinning now.  He tipped his head at the door.  “C’mon.  We’re getting in a Zodiac.”

“How come?”

“Captain Cornell has been busy.  She found a way into the cenote and discovered something else.”

“What?”

“A back room.”

 

The four members of SG-1 followed Cornell’s boat and Daniel was intrigued that Jack knew how to drive one.  They weren’t exactly standard gear for Air Force personnel, but he knew better than to ask about classified missions.

When they arrived at the third island, Jack shut off the boat and was about to ask how the hell they were supposed to get to the other side when Forrester jumped onto the bridge and knelt, feeling for something.  Then the bridge jerked slightly and began to part in two as it opened outward toward the sea.

“I was wondering how they went around,” Sam said.

At the back of the boat, Jack said, “It would’ve been nice if they’d told us about this little discovery.”

“I don’t think they knew about it when I got shot,” Daniel said.

Jack grunted and restarted the boat.  They moved through and he could see Cornell pointing, telling her teammates—all but one of them were in the boat—where to go.  He hated following someone into unknown territory.

“If the roof comes down on our heads, I’m killing someone,” Jack told his teammates.

“I’ll join you, sir,” Sam said.

Daniel only smiled with Teal’c.

Soon they traveled toward a dense growth of overhead vines and passed through easily.  It made the cenote a lagoon, not a true top-only cave.  Daniel looked for the edges of the opening but there was nothing but green.  Ahead, he spotted the boulders they’d sat on, and they moved past and to the far side.  Forrester again got out and climbed up an embankment, taking a long metal spike with a loop on the end.  Attached to it was a rope and he plunged the spike into the Earth.  To Daniel’s surprise, Jack handed one to Teal’c as they drew up next to the other boat and Teal’c easily copied Forrester.

In front of them, Captain Cornell headed toward what looked like a wall of heavy tropical growth, but she pushed vines aside and entered a tunnel.  As they travelled single file, the earthen corridor eventually emptied into a large room composed of both crystal and blue stone.

“Wow, that was some … job,” Sam said, and she came to a halt.  Inside the room was something that she, Jack, and Teal’c had seen before.

There was an orange dais in the center of the floor and several feet to everyone’s left sat an Asgard console with two portable consoles sitting atop.

“Well, I’ll be a sonofabitch,” Jack said.  He headed for the console but paused when he got there.  Instead of the oval-shaped opaline stones, there were six polished stone disks, black in color and one and a half inches in diameter.  On the console were three rows of circle outlines, five to a row.  Only a few of them had runes below the circles.

“This is different.  Carter.”

Sam came up and looked.  “Huh.”

“Did you move any of the stones?” Wallingford asked Cornell.

“No, ma’am.  I know Asgard tech when I see it and these stones and circles didn’t match the pictures in the reports.”

“It’s Asgardian anyway,” Daniel said, and he put a forefinger on a stone and moved it to the third circle on the first row.

“Daniel!” Jack said, glaring at him.  “Touching.”

Daniel gave him a look and held out a hand.  “I think it’s been ages since the Asgard were here.  The power source …”  His voice faded when a hum filled the room.  It began as a barely audible buzzing, and as the volume increased, it fluctuated until it stabilized into a solid low hum.  Across from the dais, a line of crystals five inches wide lit up.  They began at the base of the wall and ended in the center of the ceiling.  They flickered for a few seconds, then stabilized.  Nothing else happened.

“Ah.”  Jack looked around, able to see better.  “It’s like the planet we rescued Heimdall and Thor from.  Only a lot smaller.”  At Sam’s amused look, he added, “A lot smaller.”

Six feet up from the dais, another flickering emerged and an orange holoscreen barely formed.

“Greetings,” said a voice, somewhat thin and broken.

“That sounded like Thor,” Jack said, frowning, looking at Sam, Teal’c, and Daniel.  “Did that sound like Thor?”  He received nods of agreement.  “Thor, that you?”

“It’s probably a recording, sir,” Sam said.

“Remember what happened the last time you said that?” Daniel asked, recalling Cimmeria.

Sam’s brows went up and she waited expectedly as the holoscreen tried to fully form.  It managed very faintly, but eventually, Thor’s voice strengthened.

“Greetings,” he said again.  “I am Thor, of the As…”  He blinked.

“’Gard race,” Jack finished.  He waved a gloved hand.  “Hey, buddy.  Fancy meeting you here.”

“O’Neill,” Thor said.  He looked to his right, then back to Jack.  “On what planet have you discovered this remote outpost?”

“P2C-701,” Sam said automatically, then winced.

Jack grinned a bit, then told Thor, “A Furling planet with blue stone buildings.  Ring any bells?”

“No bells, O’Neill, but I am familiar with the planet of which you speak.  How do you know it is a Furling planet?”

“The writing,” Daniel answered.  “From Heliopolis.  Jack told you about it, I think.”  Jack nodded.

“I see.  The Furling race no longer lives in this galaxy.  They now reside the galaxy of Andromeda.”

“Damn,” Jack said.  “I so wanted to meet those folks.  So can you help us out on a few things here?”

“I can be of some assistance.  Major Carter, did you bring your portable computer with you?”

“I did, yes,” She said and whisked her backpack off her shoulders.

“Place it on the dais.”

Sam did so.  “Open and on?”

“It does not matter.”

Sam left it closed and backed away.  A glittering stream of energy drifted down from the top of the holoscreen and encased the entire dais in a translucent orange column.

“I am downloading all the relevant information about the Furling race.  After I am done, I suggest you leave that planet.”

“Why?” Jack asked, frowning.

“Because the crystals you see around you are unstable.  I am surprised you were able to travel to that world.”

“The crystals you refer to are impervious to any tampering,” Wallingford said.  “So in what way are they unstable?”

Thor blinked.  “Who are you?”

Jack answered for her as he held up a hand to halt her response.  “An archaeologist, Thor.  One of seven who’ve been on this planet for the last eight months.  Nothing has happened here.”

“Eight,” Daniel corrected.

“Not for eight months, you haven’t.”

Daniel shrugged acceptance.

“Daniel Jackson,” Thor said, somehow looking surprised.  “You have returned to physical form.”

Daniel looked at Jack.  “Uh, yeah, I’m back.”

“That is most unusual.  The ascended beings would not have normally allowed it.  I can only assume it was the work of Oma Desala.”

“You know about the Ancients’ having ascended?” Daniel asked.

“Of course.”  The energy field surrounding Sam’s laptop stopped and dissipated.  “The download is complete.   I will be in Earth’s orbit in two weeks’ time.  Anubis is working his way to your system, amassing an armada.  I hope to have further information for you.  In the meantime, I ask again.  Please leave that planet or you will die.”

The holoscreen flickered out but the lights remained on.  Their hum became ominous as it increased.

“Everybody out,” Jack said, and they rushed to the boats.

When they were almost to the main island, an explosion rocked the third and three successive ones followed in under fifteen seconds.  They were massive, and more explosions began underground, signified by the sudden vibrations under their feet.  Daniel dialed home as ash, dirt, a flaming debris began raining down on them.

“Everyone grab what they can!” Jack said, dashing into the small building.  “Now!”

 

“Thor was right, sir,” Jack said in the Briefing Room an hour later.  “By the time we began to send the FREDs through, everything else had to be left behind.  The explosions had a cascading effect and it was only a matter of minutes before the island with the gate was going to be blown to smithereens.”

Hammond nodded.  “That is a safe assumption.  The stargate will no longer connect to that world.”

“A shame,” Wallingford sighed.  “A lot of equipment and data was lost.”

“Better your life and the lives of your team than the data, Major,” Hammond told her.

“We have the information Thor sent, sir,” Sam said.  “That’s something.”

“But we lost a FRED and the two Zodiacs,” Jack said, making a face.  “Damn shame.”

“So Thor didn’t elaborate on what information he would be bringing?”

“No, sir.  He wanted us off that planet or I think we’d have had a longer conversation.”

Hammond nodded.  “Major Wallingford, have your reports in by the end of the month.  I’m familiar with the time frame it takes to wrap up an expedition.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“In the meantime, you and SG-1 report to the infirmary to get yourselves cleared.  However, before you go, I have some unfortunate news.  Weather reports say we’re due for a blizzard in thirty-six hours.  The SGC cannot go idle during inclement weather, no matter how bad.  You have thirty hours to take care of your affairs, house your pets elsewhere, and bring whatever you need for at least a week, probably longer.”

“Sir,” Wallingford said.  “I have to be in California tomorrow.”

“I’m aware.  You have my permission.  Everyone else, return by sixteen-hundred, Friday.  Dismissed.”

 

 

“You confound me sometimes.”

 

As Daniel quickly changed clothes into a grey pullover and jeans, preparing to spend the night elsewhere, the phrase cropped up in his surface thoughts and he paused, trying to figure out where it had come from, and why it had popped up in his head.  By the time he set two backpacks and a suitcase in his car, he was still mulling it over.  He didn’t remember until he was almost at Jack’s.

He’d been in the infirmary, dying of radiation poisoning, and Jack was telling him how he was gonna get his named cleared.

 

“Why do you care?”

“Because, despite the fact that you’ve been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, uh, grown to admire you a little.  I think.”

“Now that’s touching.”

 

The version of Jack that Daniel knew today, right now, wouldn’t have said it like that.  He would have been like the Jack O’Neill that had given his eulogy in the gateroom when he’d been kidnapped by Nem.  And Daniel wouldn’t have had to ask the question.  Why was he revisiting this?  Why had that phrase popped into his head?  That chapter was closed, sealed, and dealt with.

As he parked in Jack’s driveway, he turned off the engine and sat staring over the hood of his car.  He thought hard, trying to search for something that would equate with that phrase.  In the end, he had to replay the end of that scene in his head.  He’d said it right after Jack had told him that his actions would not be his last on official record.

 

“You confound me sometimes.”

“How’s that?”

“You sound like you care.  I know you don’t.”

“What are you talking about?  Would I be going through all this if I didn’t?”

“But it’s all for nothing.  I’m dying.  And you’ll finally be rid of me.”

Jack hadn’t said anything, and Daniel said, “I loved you, you know.”

And Jack had said, “As friends.  So you see, I care.”

He’d been afraid someone had been listening, but Daniel hadn’t been thinking that way.

“I don’t understand you.  You pushed me away.”

Silence.

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” he’d asked.

But Jack had gotten up and left.

 

 

Daniel felt a hot rush of emotion flush his face, neck, and ears.  No tears fell but his eyes were glistening.  Why had that phrase popped up and goaded him into remembering one of the most painful moments of his life?

 

“You confound me sometimes.”

 

It suddenly dawned on him.  It was the phrase itself, not the reason it had been said.  Jack confounded him then.  He confounded him now.  Back then, it had been for negative reasons.  Now it was for positive ones.  He took a deep breath and got out of the car.  He grabbed the bottle he’d picked up at the grocery store and headed for the front door.  Jack stood there, waiting.  This was the second time Daniel hadn’t had to knock.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey yourself.  What were you doing?”

“Woolgathering,” Daniel said.  He had no intention to share why.

“Took you a while.  Did you at least make a sweater out of it?”

Daniel blinked, missing it.  “You lost me.”

“Wool.  Sweater.  Get it?”

“Ha,” Daniel said, grinning, and handed Jack a bottle of champagne.

Jack grinned.  “I have strawberries,” he said, stepping aside.

“No you don’t,” Daniel laughed.

Jack shrugged.  “Okay, but I wish I did.”

“That’s a misnomer, you know.  Champagne and strawberries.  I think it came from that movie with Julia Roberts.  Some people got rich after that.”

“Cynic,” Jack grinned.

Daniel hung up his coat and headed for the kitchen.

“Aht!” Jack said, grabbing his elbow.  “Not that way.”  He ushered Daniel into the living room.  A fire was burning.  And there was a slumber party’s worth of blankets and pillows on the floor in front of it.  On the coffee table sat a few bags from Burger King and two boxes of Dominos Pizza.  Daniel gave Jack an amused look as he went into the living room.

“Couldn’t make up your mind or …?”

Jack shrugged.  “What the hell.  Cover the bases.”

“You could’ve fucked this up badly.  I might have come over with a box of sushi.”

“Ew, you would not.”

Daniel started laughing quietly, through his nose.  Jack still hated sushi.  “Okay, you got me there.”

Jack paused in the act of setting the champagne down on the coffee table, then slowly put it on a coaster.  “You didn’t eat any before coming here, did you?”

“Uh, no,” Daniel said, giving Jack a ‘are you crazy?’ look.  “If you can’t stand to eat it, you’d hate it second hand.”  Kissing would have been off the menu and that just wasn’t going to work.  Ever.

“I also have these,” Jack said, and handed Daniel a large paper sack.

Inside were adorable, old-fashioned pajamas.  Made of thick flannel.  With boats on them.  “You have got to be kidding.”  He looked at the floor by the fireplace, then at Jack.  “When did you turn into a pre-teen girl?”

Jack shoved at him, then walked past him toward his bedroom.  “Get changed.”

While Jack was in the bedroom, Daniel suspected he was changing too.  He got out of his clothes and slipped on the night wear.  He had to admit once he had them on that if Jack was wearing the same ones, he was going to be damned sexy.  Well, without the top.  The bottoms clung just right.  Daniel left his shirt unbuttoned so it wouldn’t spoil the effect.  When he turned at the sound of Jack’s approach, they both froze, staring at each other’s bodies dressed in the flannel.

“Wow,” Jack said.

“Wow,” Daniel copied.  “How in the hell did you get pajamas that look this good?”

“I found them online,” Jack said.

“Care to elaborate?”

“No.”

Daniel thought about it.  “Hang on.  How long ago did you order these?”  Suddenly Jack blushed.  It shocked Daniel so much he froze again.  “Jack?”

Jack took a deep breath.  He knew Daniel would figure out that he couldn’t have just gotten these.  And it would have been pointless, never mind arrogant, if he’d ordered them while Daniel was with SG-6.

“Um,” he said, and he grabbed Daniel’s hand, refusing to look into his face, and had them sit down on the blankets.

Daniel felt a lot more cushioning than mere blankets would have created and he folded back a corner to find two overlapping sheepskins.  He turned to Jack, mouth open.  “Holy shit.”

“I know.  I went overboard.  But I want this to be a great night since we’re gonna be … on rations, so to speak, for a week or more.”

“You know that’s gonna happen when we’re stuck offworld, you know,” Daniel said as he got comfortable and crossed his legs.  “So.  Pajamas?”

“You really wanna go there?”

Daniel considered it for a minute.  If he was right, these had been bought back before Thor had beamed Jack up to his replicator-infested ship.  And things had changed after that, so giving them to him would have been … well, it wouldn’t have happened.

“Why did you keep them?” Daniel asked, taking the bottle of champagne.

“Shit.  Be right back.”  Jack got up and headed for the kitchen.

“What?” Daniel called.

“Glasses.”

“Oh, right.”  Speaking of.  He was glad he was still wearing his contacts.

Jack returned in a jiffy and was back down in front of him, with corkscrew in hand, as well.

“You don’t really need that,” Daniel said, pointing.

“Okay, well,” Jack said, setting it aside.  He grabbed the bottle and began to peel away the foil cap, wishing Daniel would just give up the question.  But … why was this a problem?  It wasn’t.  “I just couldn’t get rid of them.  Seemed a waste of money, so I kept them.”

“Seriously?”

Jack shrugged.  “Remember, I was doing my great big avoidance gig.”

“Right,” Daniel said, looking pensive.

“Stop that,” Jack said, pointing at him.

“What?”

“That frown.  I know that frown.  Don’t do that.  Get rid of whatever was in that noggin.  We are going to have a good night, not one full of heartbreaking nostalgia.”

Daniel grinned at him.  “That was what I had planned for a few hours with Sam.”

Jack looked at him blankly.  “Why?”

“Because I told her we’d talk about what I told her when we got home.”  He winced.  “We’re friends, and she’s pretty—”

“Innocent.”

“Well, unknowledgeable about some things.  Honestly, Jack.  You lock yourself in your own little world and sooner or later, the real one will bite you on the ass.  I had to educate her.”

“Well, not tonight.”

“No.  I called her, told her I was staying over here.”

Jack stopped what he was doing and damn near spilled the champagne.  “Are you out of your fucking mind?” he shouted.

Daniel reared back, scowling.  “Hey!  Friends here, remember?  I said we could talk another time but that I wanted to repair our friendship first.  Yours and mine.”

“She bought that?” Jack asked, calming down and pouring bubbly into the glasses.

Daniel noted with amusement the sugar cube at the bottom.  He picked up his glass to stare at it.  He always liked to watch it disintegrate, completely spoiling the reason for it being there.  “Yeah,” he said absently.

“Drink, not watch,” Jack ordered and held out his glass.

Daniel held up his glass.  “What are we drinking to?”

“Us.”

“Yeah, I have a better idea,” Daniel murmured as he set the glass down on the coffee table, then took Jack’s glass from him and set it down next to his.

“Daniel?” Jack asked, puzzled, but not bothered.  “The cube is going to waste.”

“Let it,” Daniel said, and leaned over to kiss him.

And Jack leaned away.  A mischievous grin slowly spread across his face.

Daniel’s eyes widened as his grin changed to match.  He leaned an inch further.  Jack leaned away an inch.

“Jack O’Neill, are you playing hard to get?” Daniel asked, leaning forward a little more.  Jack leaned away just a bit more, too.

“I don’t know,” Jack said, raising his brows.  “Let’s have a drink to consider it.”

Frustrated, Daniel sat back and grabbed his glass.  “To not screwing this up.”

“Amen.”

Jack drained his glass, glad that he was keeping Daniel on his toes.  He wanted romance, sure, but they weren’t really the romance types.  Truth be told, he’d only ever known how to be with Sara and he wasn’t sure he wanted it to be the same with Daniel.  And an inner Doctor Carmichael told him to let Daniel in on it.

“Thing is,” he began.  “It got a little weird for me.  Just now.  You leaning over to kiss me.”

“I’m sorry?” Daniel asked, eyes wide.

“I mean, it felt … romantic.  It felt the same as when I was romantic with Sara.  The same feeling.  Shouldn’t it be different between us?”

“Sure, because we’re who we are.”

“Exactly.  Are you the romantic type?”

Daniel thought about it.  “I wasn’t before.  But I feel different now.”

Jack’s brows went up.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously.  I think we can be however we really want to be.  No holding back.  No covering up.  No pretending to feel some way just because you think the other person will hate you if you don’t.  No lies.”

Jack leaned back on his elbows, thinking about it.  “You know what?  That actually makes sense.”

Daniel rolled his eyes.  “Jack O’Neill said I made sense.  The sky is falling.”

Jack nudged him hard in the hip with his foot.  “Careful.”

Daniel shot him a look just as mischievous as Jack’s had been.  “Or what?”

Jack stared at him.  Daniel’s tone was challenging.  What was he daring him to do?  Jack couldn’t imagine.  It was new to him.  He imagined what he would do with Sara and his brain froze.  He shook his head and got up to walk around.

“Jack?” Daniel asked, alarmed, but he stayed where he was.  “What just happened?”

Jack shut his eyes.  “I just had a panic attack.”

“Why?” Daniel asked, his heart sinking.

Jack shielded his eyes, still keeping them closed.  “I was trying to figure out what you were daring me to do, and I couldn’t.  So I thought, ‘What if you were Sara, what would I do?’, and the thought just drove a knife through my skull.  It was an instant, ‘what the fuck are you asking that for’ moment.”

“And you thought that it’s not what you want right now, to spoil things.”

Jack lowered his hand and turned to stare at Daniel.  “How the hell did you figure that out?”

“I’m smarter?” Daniel said, but he started laughing.  “I’m kidding.  I’m more experienced.”

“But I’m older than you,” Jack said, scowling, but not at Daniel.

“Doesn’t matter,” Daniel said, and he was getting awfully warm as he looked at Jack in those pajama bottoms.  “Do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Take off that top.”

Jack snorted out laughter, but he complied.  He held out his arms.  “Satisfied.”

“Not yet,” Daniel replied.

“Ah huh,” Jack said as he threw the top on the couch.  “Now you.”  Daniel removed it without having to sit up.  He just shrugged his shoulders and shook his arms.  Jack was fascinated.  But then the fascination turned into something else.  And suddenly, he understood the romantic angle Daniel had been going for a little while ago.

“Okay, can we start this thing over,” he said as he walked over and refilled their glasses.  Daniel shook his head and Jack paused on the way to the floor.  “Why not?”

“Because it’s not spontaneous.  It feels like I’m acting.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a little acting.  Haven’t you ever heard of role play?”

Daniel sat up straight and gawked at him.  “You’ve done that before?”

Jack nodded, and he was amused because this time, he was the experienced one.  “Don’t that beat all.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said, and picked up his glass.

Jack picked up his, then he abruptly set it back down and took Daniel’s and set it next to his.  “Fuck it.”  He leaned forward to kiss him.  And Daniel leaned back.  A slow smile spread over Jack’s lips.  He leaned forward more.  Daniel leaned away more.  They inched more and more, and Jack was aware he was now holding himself up over Daniel’s body until Daniel was on his back.  “There’s nowhere else to go,” he said in a low, husky voice.

“No, there isn’t,” Daniel whispered back, and he slid his hands up Jack’s chest and wrapped his legs around him.

“Oh hell,” Jack said and dropped on top of him as he brought their lips together in a deeply passionate kiss.  He felt their cocks growing erect and Daniel’s was much faster.  Jack pushed up on his elbows and broke the kiss.  “What do you want to do?”

Daniel swallowed.  “Get the lube.  I want you in me.”

“No foreplay?  No teasing.  Just straight to the—”

Daniel pulled him down for another kiss, even more passionate, and for a while, they gently thrust into each other, twining their limbs around the other, as if trying to be one entity.  Jack finally disentangled himself and got up.  “Do you want me to get a condom?”

Daniel shook his head slowly.

Jack swallowed.  “Damn.”

The moment he was gone, Daniel threw off his pajama bottoms, but Jack was back by the time he was throwing them on the couch.  It made him smile.  Jack wanted him just as badly.

Jack shucked off his pajama bottoms and knelt between Daniel’s drawn up legs.  He flipped the cap open.  “How?”

“However you like,” Daniel said, and he reached out to pull on the back of Jack’s thigh.  “Just get in me.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Fuck my shoulder.”

“Daniel,” Jack admonished.  Daniel stared at him with heat in his eyes.  “Stay like that,” he said and spread lube over his cock, and with the same slickened hand, he reached down between Daniel’s legs and coated his anus.  “You need fingers?”

Daniel swallowed audibly.  “No.”

Jack arched a brow.  “You sure?  I’d ask how long it’s been but…”

“Not since I was with you.”

Jack’s mouth dropped open.  “Are you serious?”

“Have you been with someone else?”

Jack blinked.  “No, actually.”

Daniel huffed out a breath of surprise.  “Go figure.”

Despite what Daniel had said, when Jack lay down, just slightly off to the side, he moved his hand between his legs and rubbed the puckered flesh until he slid a finger into him.  Their eyes remained on each other as Jack inserted another finger.

“Tight,” he said, and swallowed.

“You didn’t say that before,” Daniel noted.

“I wasn’t really paying attention before.”

“You will now.  And I won’t be tight for long.”  Daniel reached down and held his hand over Jack’s for a few seconds, then pulled the fingers from him.  He spread his legs wide.  “Take them,” he said, referring to his knees.

Jack was unable to look away, to take his gaze from those sexy-as-shit blue eyes.  Lifting his legs, he pressed Daniel’s knees to his chest and adjusted his hips.  His cock lined up, missed, lined up, missed, and just when he was thinking about reaching down, his head pushed past the anus.  He caught his breath as the tightness and heat sucked him in and stole his mind away.

Daniel closed his eyes and tilted his head back, moaning as he welcomed the burn.  When Jack paused, he opened his eyes and gently pressed his heels into Jack’s thighs.  “Do it.”  He gripped the blankets, readying himself.  It had been so long.

Jack hesitated, but only for a second.  He pushed, long, slow, and didn’t stop until he was fully inside.  Daniel’s eyes fluttered closed and he couldn’t help but lean down to kiss him.  “Okay?” he asked.

“Oh yeah,” was Daniel’s instant answer.  “Move.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, move,” Daniel demanded and opened his eyes to lock gazes again.  “Fuck me, please,” he whispered.

Jack obliged.  He moved slowly, expertly, his body remembering the way Daniel had liked it before.  He thrust in hard, then slowly pulled out.  Again.  And again.  Then came the slow, easy rhythm, and they rocked back and forth for a while, just indulging in the sensations.  There was no hurry.

“Yes,” Daniel breathed, and when Jack twisted his hips a bit, his eyes widened and his mouth did the same.  “Oh god.”

Jack smiled.  “Have I found it?”

Daniel only huffed out a breath and grabbed at Jack’s biceps.  “Oh shit.”

“I’ll take that as a Yes,” Jack said, rocking against him, hips pistoning in a feverish pitch.  “C’mon.”

“No, not so soon,” Daniel panted.

“I don’t plan on letting you up for a while.  You’re going to come many times before I do.”

Daniel let out a short laugh.  “No, you …”  He inhaled and threw his head back, eyes bulging in shocked pleasure.  “Oh fuck!”

“That’s it,” Jack said, and closed his eyes.  He allowed himself to slow down, to give Daniel time to recover, but he kept going.  It was beautiful, gorgeous, magnificent.  His body felt both young and experienced and there was no way this was going to end.  He could go on forever.

It was easy, making him come.  All he had to do was keep Daniel’s knees to his chest, to make the angle perfect, and then thrust into him for only a few minutes.  But the key was to keep going and not pause.  It was a workout, but Jack was happy.  He had Daniel under him, loving him.

Suddenly Daniel dropped his legs and forced him to stop moving.  His eyes were shut and he was biting his lip, holding back an orgasm.  “Not yet,” he gasped, and finally looked up into his eyes.  “I want to feel myself inside you.”

Jack stared at him and the words made the back of his thighs quiver.  His balls and ass cheeks followed.  There was a tingling sensation and his mouth dropped open when he realized that the suggestion from Daniel had damn near made him come.  Who knew?  He stared down at his lover’s cock and unbelievably, he was hard.

“It’s been a hell of a lot longer than we’ve known each other,” he said, his throat dry.  He reached over and grabbed his wine glass and tossed the contents back.  When he looked back down at Daniel, he found him … just beautiful.

Daniel suddenly grabbed hold and flipped them over and the wine glass went flying into the fireplace.  Jack started to laugh.  “Damn you.”

Without a word, Daniel found the lube and knelt between Jack’s legs.  He began to stroke himself, watching Jack’s eyes darken with lust.

“That’s hot,” Jack whispered.

With his free hand, Daniel reached down to find the puckered entrance.  “Are you sure you haven’t touched here?  Just yourself?”

“Oh,” Jack said, almost blushing.  “That’s different.”

Daniel moaned with pleasure and slipped a finger inside.  Jack inhaled sharply and lifted his knees.  “Caref—” he began, but Daniel let go of his own cock and took hold of Jack’s.  With a sharp gasp, Jack covered Daniel’s hand with his own and they stroked together while Daniel introduced a second finger.

“Tight,” Daniel mirrored.

“Yeah,” Jack said, but his hand faltered over Daniel’s and he grabbed fistfuls of blanket.  “Now.”

With deliberate slowness, Daniel pushed his knees to his chest, lined up, and thrust inward, little by little.  The heat and burn made them hiss at the same time and Jack’s eyes were wide with shock and need.  “Oh my god,” he gasped.

“Goddamn, you feel amazing,” Daniel murmured as he pumped into Jack in an agonizingly slow rhythm.

“Backatcha,” Jack said, and pulled his knees higher.  He squeezed his eyes shut as tremors of pleasure spiked through him.  “Oh damn.  Oh damn.  Oh damn.”

“That’s it!” Daniel breathed, and sped up, pounding into him.

“Fuck yes!” Jack managed, the words a whisper.  “I love you!”  He inhaled three sharp breaths before he tensed up and the keen, wonderful flood of pleasure blinded him.

“Oh shit,” Daniel cried out as Jack clenched up, making his body tighter.  “Shit!”  He thrust fast and hard five, six, seven, and cried again when he came, jerking while his cock spasmed inside his lover’s body.  “Oh my god,” he breathed into Jack’s neck.  Then hands turned his face up and lips sought out his for a long, deep kiss.

It took forever, Jack thought, as his body jerked with Daniel’s.  He’d come even harder than he had when Daniel had sucked him the day before.  It had been a white-out; a keen and glorious moment.  And now he was coming down, his body as boneless as Daniel’s.  He rolled them over and groaned when Daniel pulled out.  He laced his fingers with Daniel’s and shared another kiss.

“Would it be really cliched if I said it again?” he asked.

“Sure,” Daniel said, slurring the s.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“My turn in an hour,” Jack said, nuzzling.

“No.”

“Two?”

“No.”

“Three?”

“Uh.  Maybe.”  Daniel breathed a happy sigh.  “I don’t care.”

“I do,” Jack said, lifting up on his elbows to look down at his lover.  “That was amazing.  Why didn’t we ever do it that way before?”

“Macho bullshit?” Daniel suggested.

Jack snorted.  “Probably.”

Daniel snuggled against him.  “We’re gonna have to figure out a way to do this at the mountain.  I don’t wanna go without.”

“Are you insane?” Jack said, disbelieving.

Daniel closed his eyes and smiled.

“Of course you are,” Jack said, dropping his head down, speaking into Daniel’s neck.  “And apparently, so am I.”  He paused, then lifted up and stared.  “Hey, how’s the shoulder?”

“What shoulder?” Daniel said, then grabbed Jack and somehow maneuvered himself so that he was on his stomach with Jack on top.

“Wiggle worm,” Jack laughed.  “How the hell did you manage that?”

Daniel wiggled his ass.  “Talent.  Three hours.”

“Promise or threat?” Jack asked, kissing Daniel’s shoulder.

“Which would you prefer, Mister Role Play?”

Jack dropped his head down again.  “I knew that would bite me on the ass later.”

His voice buzzed Daniel’s neck and he giggled.  “Only if you’re lucky.  And very, very good.”

Jack couldn’t help himself and he playfully bit his healing shoulder.  “Promise?”

 

---

 

Chrysalis Series

Chrysalis

Pairing:  Jack/Daniel

Rating:  From G to X.

Chapters:  10, planned.

Series Short Summary: Daniel and Jack go through a rough period before committing to each other for good.

Series Full Summary:

Not long after Season 3’s “Forever and a Day”, Daniel and Jack get together in an intimate romantic relationship.  But after Jack returns from blowing up Thor’s Ship, in Season 4’s “Small Victories”, Jack’s behavior has changed toward him.  He’s giving all of his attention to Sam and his behavior is snippy, condescending, disrespectful, and hostile.  He ends their relationship.  Daniel has no idea what’s gotten into him and he’s more than happy to ascend, once Oma convinces him that he’s worth it.

During Season 7’s “Fallen” and “Homecoming”, Daniel begins to remember his old life and he’s not happy with it.  His opinion about his life has changed.  He goes to Hammond and gives him a written request for transfer to an archaeological team.  Hammond wants to know why.  Daniel tells him that since returning from ascension, he’s developed a keener sense of priorities.  He will no longer put up with the disrespect from Colonel Jack O’Neill, and he’s basing this behavior on the past as well as the present.  Hammond wants more, so Daniel recites a list of examples (unsaid in story since canon episodes speak for themselves).

Hammond decides to sit on the request in order to force Daniel to reconsider, to give him time to properly evaluate his decision.  But by “Death Knell”, Daniel has had enough and he’s about to go to Hammond for a decision when Hammond tells him his request is granted.  Meanwhile, Hammond puts SG-1 on downtime and orders Sam to go on leave after her ordeal and orders Jack to see the new base psychoanalyst.

Revelations develop after that and eventually, through rough patches small and large, Daniel and Jack find their way back to each other.

This series is also housed at my place at Archive of our Own.

Chrysalis 1: Catalyst

Chrysalis 2: Jack of Diamonds

Chrysalis 3: Force Majeure

Chrysalis 4: Together We

Chrysalis 5: Sacrifice (in progress)

Chrysalis 6

Chrysalis 7

Chrysalis 8

Chrysalis 9

Chrysalis 10

 

 

Intervals Betwixt

This is a series of stories that I didn’t include in the canon-based episodic series, Intervals (housed here at Archive of our Own).

Series Summary:  The post-episode dramas and sexual intimacies in the relationship between Jack O’Neill and Daniel Jackson.

They are written in no particular order.

 

Invervals Betwixt 1 — Thor’s Hammer, Hammer & Nail

Daniel agonizes over his decision to disable the Hammer and thus destroy the hope of getting Shau’re back.

 

Invervals Betwixt 2 — The Torment of Tantalus, The Torment of Jackson (in process)

Jack agonizes over Daniel’s desperate desire to remain at Heliopolis–and in so doing, leave Jack.

 

Intervals Betwixt 3 — Lost City, Dear Jack

Daniel agonizes over Jack’s semi loss.  He’s not dead, but trapped in stasis so he wouldn’t die.  He decides that like what Jack did, he’d write him letters.

 

NEW FICS HOUSED HERE

Howdy. 🙂

Intervals Betwixt and Chrysalis can now be found here as well as Archive of our Own.  I can’t, howver, get Intervals Betwixt 3 to post there, so it’ll only be found here.

Check out the top menu for links.